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Mixed Signals


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 11th December 2017, 7:20 PM   #1
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Mixed Signals

Now I'd like your honest opinion as I am the only black man at my workplace (not sure if that's supposed to mean anything), 29 yrs, ambitious, well built/muscular and always a smiling person. So I have this female coworker (married btw) who we occasionally joke around and she likes my mean sense of humour but lately and I've been doing my best to keep physical distance, she's seems a touchy feely person and I get this shy/wanting looks whenever she pokes me on my arm. Don't get me wrong she's really good looking but as she's married that's a no go area


My question is how do you ward off such a person without ruining a good working relationship? The old me would have probably done the deed but I'm trying to do right by morals.
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Old 11th December 2017, 7:23 PM   #2
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Try and keep it professional and at a distance.
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Old 11th December 2017, 7:26 PM   #3
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And act oblivious to any signals you may get, mixed or otherwise. Smile and wave.
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Old 11th December 2017, 10:38 PM   #4
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Be cool and businesslike. She'll get the hint at some point.
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Old 12th December 2017, 12:12 AM   #5
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Hi dwizy, good of you to take the moral high ground. Sadly, the rhetorical answer to your question is in the form of another question! It is "How do you keep bees from honey"? The thing is that some ladies just happen to be attracted to a good looking, handsome and yes, muscular Black man who has a delightful sense of humour. I guess you must be giving off pheromones like a perfume factory and that does'nt help.

I think your best bet is to ask for a change of location within your place of work so that contact with this lady is minimal. It is also possible that you misread her demeanour and that she was just trying to be friendly in her own way but I wouldn't count on it. Last resort, if her behaviour persists, is to sit her down and tell her that you respect her marriage and you would like to keep things low key. Tell her you would like to maintain friendly work relationships with her and nothing more. Hope this helps. Warm wishes.
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Old 12th December 2017, 1:23 AM   #6
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Introduce her to your GF or wife and ask her to introduce you all to her husband....Tell your co-worker lady that you have as a priority, you working on your Integrity, and will be having your GF/wife and others helping you with that.
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Old 12th December 2017, 3:38 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dwizy View Post
Now I'd like your honest opinion as I am the only black man at my workplace (not sure if that's supposed to mean anything), 29 yrs, ambitious, well built/muscular and always a smiling person. So I have this female coworker (married btw) who we occasionally joke around and she likes my mean sense of humour but lately and I've been doing my best to keep physical distance, she's seems a touchy feely person and I get this shy/wanting looks whenever she pokes me on my arm. Don't get me wrong she's really good looking but as she's married that's a no go area


My question is how do you ward off such a person without ruining a good working relationship? The old me would have probably done the deed but I'm trying to do right by morals.
With all the sexual harassment going on right now, distance yourself with the flirty and touchy behavior. Next time she touches you just ask her politely not to do that anymore as you don't want to be put in that position.

You keep things light and professional for a while too. Stop spending a lot of time with her during breaks/lunches etc.

It's good that you have boundaries, just now verbalize them in a respectful way so that she understands that she has to act professional (stop touching you). I mean if a guy was doing this to a woman (married or not) and wanted the touching to stop, I'd give them same advice. Speak up!
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Old 12th December 2017, 3:41 AM   #8
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Just act like you haven't noticed.... and drop in conversation an event your looking forward to going with your GF or a date.

I've been reading a lot about lots of Caucasian women who desire black men... and some whose husband encourage it.

Don't get involved.
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Old 12th December 2017, 11:27 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dwizy View Post
Now I'd like your honest opinion as I am the only black man at my workplace (not sure if that's supposed to mean anything), 29 yrs, ambitious, well built/muscular and always a smiling person. So I have this female coworker (married btw) who we occasionally joke around and she likes my mean sense of humour but lately and I've been doing my best to keep physical distance, she's seems a touchy feely person and I get this shy/wanting looks whenever she pokes me on my arm. Don't get me wrong she's really good looking but as she's married that's a no go area


My question is how do you ward off such a person without ruining a good working relationship? The old me would have probably done the deed but I'm trying to do right by morals.
Even if neither of you were married, I'd advise you to stay away from her and very firmly tell her you are not interested in any sort of non-professional relationship with her. That way, your rear will be covered and you won't ave to cope with the fallout of a "workplace romance".

Kudos to you for being smart enough to be careful. That is a wise decision that will stand you in good stead. It's too bad more men ( and women too) don't have the good common sense you do.

On the off chnace that she doesn't listen, make HR aware. Again, it will make your @ss is covered, and since it doesn't sound as if her attention is welcome, it will hopefully make her stop and give you some peace of mind.
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Old 14th December 2017, 2:25 PM   #10
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Use the "Clark Kent" approach, 60% of the time it works 100% of the time.
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Old 17th December 2017, 7:32 AM   #11
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Invite her AND her hubby out.
Tell her you would like to meet her hubby. That you feel you guys may have something in common, maybe a football match, etc..


That should freeze her nozzles !.


Ted.
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