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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 20th October 2017, 10:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy His her.

how to respond as a wife, when you found out that your husband was cheating and is with other MAN?
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:14 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry, if this has happened to you.

I would have only one response - divorce. It's harsh, I know. But, I would not be able to live with this situation. I do not tolerate adultery, and this would make it so much worse... I'm so sorry.
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:14 AM   #3
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Primarily the same way you would if you find out your husband is cheating at all - investigate how long this has been going on, how much risk he's put you at (has he been using protection?), and what he's going to do about it now. was it a one-time thing? does he intend to keep going? have there been others?

The man aspect does add some other questions: did you have any idea your husband was bi, or has he been hiding that from you? If so, why? And how much else about himself has he kept hidden?

If he's been completely closeted to you and carrying on a secret life, that's probably a death blow to a marriage. That sort of behavior also tends to come with a lot of psychological issues that might lead to stupid risk-taking.

On the other hand if you always knew he went both ways, it may not be much different than any other affair except that it doesn't come with the possibility of a love child.
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:45 AM   #4
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It would be straight to divorce for me. I would never choose to be married to a gay or bisexual man.
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Old 20th October 2017, 11:32 AM   #5
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I believe there is another poster on this site who's actually been through something similar (I can't recall her user name)..hopefully she will see your thread and respond.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you..I don't think there's any one correct response, it's just a sucky situation all around. I would say try to remember that he's probably been in deep denial of his sexuality for a long time and is probably struggling mightily with this.

His struggle, however, did not give him the right to hurt you by cheating on you, so don't be a doormat either.
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Old 21st October 2017, 9:38 AM   #6
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It would be divorce without a doubt for me.
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Old 21st October 2017, 10:07 AM   #7
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Pack-up his stuff and say I want a divorce and you got and list with your guy lover. I am getting me a real 100% man, not a .10 cent man. That is one way to put it. Just get a divorce you can't think for one moment you can change him back to normal but again you never knew he was into men. I am sure he has always been that way since birth. I don't talk about this stuff because I am 100% into woman not the other way. We live in a world where both sexes can get married or live and have fun together. I was once at a BJ store there was two men. I was telling them about the HDTV they were looking at. I said to one of them oh you two work together, they smiled and said no we're partners. Oh you run a law firm together. The he said no the other way. I said OH I C.. Hey I don't know what they do or do I care but never encounter that before. As for you just have to let this guy know your not going to have this and he has to leave!
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Old 21st October 2017, 11:03 AM   #8
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I'd definitely divorce, too. I only want to be with a heterosexual partner.
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Old 21st October 2017, 2:58 PM   #9
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Where are all of the PC police. No one screaming
sexist. If the race of the AP does not matter then
the sex of the BS does not matter.

Tell the BS. The BS's sex does not matter.
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Old 21st October 2017, 3:00 PM   #10
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Came back to say divorce your WH, he was gay,
is gay, and always will be gay.

Divorce him, and be happy for him and you.
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Old 21st October 2017, 4:50 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by road View Post
Where are all of the PC police. No one screaming
sexist. If the race of the AP does not matter then
the sex of the BS does not matter.
I already pointed out above how it might or might not make a difference. I don't see any benefit in picking fights with other posters about their biphobia.

But if you're going to make a fuss about it:

Quote:
Came back to say divorce your WH, he was gay,
is gay, and always will be gay.
Hi! Bisexuals exist!
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Old 21st October 2017, 8:50 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
I already pointed out above how it might or might not make a difference. I don't see any benefit in picking fights with other posters about their biphobia.
Sounds like you need to get over your phobia of biphobics. I mean, if we're going to talk nonsense, let's take it all the way.
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Old 21st October 2017, 9:08 PM   #13
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I also would definitely divorce him without a second consideration about it. For me, it would mean I didn't have the proper equipment to keep him happy. Hetero relationships have enough challenges as it is without adding the challenge of missing equipment to the equation.

A discovery such as the one you describe would also make me lose my attraction to him, totally.
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Old 21st October 2017, 10:42 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by coolheadal View Post
Pack-up his stuff and say I want a divorce and you got and list with your guy lover. I am getting me a real 100% man, not a .10 cent man. That is one way to put it. Just get a divorce you can't think for one moment you can change him back to normal but again you never knew he was into men. I am sure he has always been that way since birth. I don't talk about this stuff because I am 100% into woman not the other way. We live in a world where both sexes can get married or live and have fun together. I was once at a BJ store there was two men. I was telling them about the HDTV they were looking at. I said to one of them oh you two work together, they smiled and said no we're partners. Oh you run a law firm together. The he said no the other way. I said OH I C.. Hey I don't know what they do or do I care but never encounter that before. As for you just have to let this guy know your not going to have this and he has to leave!
So..according to you..gay men arenít men?
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Old 21st October 2017, 11:51 PM   #15
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Hi OP, I once read in an agony aunt column dealing with matters sexual and other problems in relationships about 15 years ago in our local newspaper about a case something like yours except that the wife was a bisexual whereas the husband was a hetero. Well the wife had a thing for her young maid ( I don't know if she was a lesbian or bi ) and as matters stood she got her husband's consent to let the girl share their marital bed. While the wife and the girl did their thing the husband got his payoff by having anal sex with the girl with the wife's permission and the girl's consent. All in all it turned out to be a happy situation. However, there was of course, no cheating involved and everything was above board. My point in narrating this incident is that while there may be out of the box solutions to the kind of problems that life throws up somethings remain inflexible. Cheating is one of them. It does not matter that your husband is gay or bi but what matters is that he chose to cheat. You will have to deal with this problem as if it is a normal cheating situation and move accordingly. Of course, if you cannot live with the idea that he is gay or bi then that adds another dimension to the cheating syndrome.

I would suggest that you take time out from being intimate with him and visit a counselor to pose your problem to him/her. Ask how you can deal with this situation and if you find that you agree with the counselor's views, you take action accordingly. There are many imponderables in your case. One, Do you love your husband deeply?. Two, Do you have regular sex with him? Three, Are you comfortable with the idea of his being gay/bi? Four , Did you know of his tendencies prior to getting married to him and during the time you were dating him or was he a closet case? I think the answers to all these and any other questions that are roiling your mind right now should meld successfully for you to be able to decide your future course of action. One thing I am clear about. Do not hold it against your husband the fact that he is gay/bi because it is something he did not choose. It is like casting aspersions on someone who is physically handicapped for no fault of his or her own. Hope this helps you somewhat to come to some decision about your problem. Warm wishes.
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