psh Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 ...BH, found out in February, willing to forgive, but trusting her and my own self is hard (short story) (long story - without getting into all the reasons why I still want to make it work) - while in my last semester of my grad school program, I found out that a supposed dalliance (kiss and no more "") while out of town together for a friend's wedding was actually her 'giving him a blow job' - additionally I discovered several sexting buddies existed... After finishing school, while preparing to take boards I found out that the so-called blow-job was actually intercourse... Whilst these revelations were occurring, I was also in the midst of planning a move (WAY) out of town to an area with a better work environment & much better income for me (to pay off loans faster, etc) - of course this requires commitment & planning, both personal & financial... So...a month or less after moving far north, I find out: the 'blow-job' was in fact intercourse, and that a supposed 'emotional affair' that had developed with a co-worker while I was in school was in fact an actual affair... Maybe a month or less later (around February / March of last year), I happen to see a drunk text to blow-job guy who lives near-ish to us...unravelling a web of lies wherein I ultimately find out... That THIS idiot ALSO slept with not only a member of this crappy Irish band she was over the moon with, but HIS brother - and get this, both of these less than 45 days or so before our WEDDING - the brother was less than a WEEK before... I've tried to see her side, I've 'forgiven' but not forgotten, and not sure I ever will. Feel like I'm perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop Agony Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Look up serial cheater. There is no cure for this. You would be better off with an annulment if you can get one. This is so way over the top that keeping/living with this is incomprehensible. An affair may not kill a marriage but lying and dishonesty will. You're young just starting out why have this in your life. It will never go away. Write this off and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Another thing to consider is the financial aspect of this. If you invest time have kids and it doesn't work out you are screwed for many years. You will get stuck with alimony, child support, not to mention after a period of time an asset split of @ 50/50. Do you really want to take a chance on this? You are perhaps in love with who you thought she was not who she actually is. You have entered into a life not with living. Get out. No one deserves this and there are way better out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Yup, there's a difference between someone who makes a one time foolish mistake and confesses and never let's it happen again and a person who continually cheats. She's capable of long term deception and you'll spend the rest of your life dealing with this. This board is full of men that reconciled with their wives but they know that the shoe could drop at any moment. Most of them detach from the situation because they know it's truly out of their hands. Has their wife really stopped cheating is has she just gone underground? The truth is most of them never really know. If you can live like that, continue. Just remember that you know what you're getting yourself into. Don't let her rationalize or shift the blame on you. She is who she is. Sorry you're going through this. I know I'd absolutely be sick. Try to get away and clear your head for a while. Personally, it's just not something I could get past. Edited January 3, 2016 by HereNorThere 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (long story - without getting into all the reasons why I still want to make it work) You might want to explain this because i can't see how anyone reading what you just posted could come to any other conclusion that your wife or Gf or whatever she is is quite the "serial cheater". And that is not going t just fix itself. Not sure what advice anyone can give you. Seems like the minute you are not around she is looking for other guys in some form. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Life experience, sadly a lot gain on many years on infidelity forums that you need to go see a lawyer and divorce this woman. Also see if you can get an annulment. Also the trickle truth will not end for you for she will only confess to what you can prove at this point. If you need the whole truth then you need to have her take a polygraph test. Edited January 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 The real question you should be asking here is why you are so weak and desperate and pathetic that you are willing to accept such maltreatment and abuse from someone of such low character. This is clearly a character issue and an issue of her having absolutely zero respect, admiration and esteem for you. And the sad part is you have lived down to her expectations and have accepted her mistreatment of you. In street slang, she is a skanky ho. She may be cute, she may like puppies and she may bat her eyes and make sweet talk to your grandma, but at her core she is a skanky ho who drops her drawers and spreads her legs for whatever sweet talking stud that comes along. The real issue here is your lack of self-esteem, pride, dignity and self respect. A normal, healthy, decent man with any degree of self respect and honor would have called off the wedding and sent her packing. The real issue you need to work on here is regaining a sense of self worth, taking back your pride and strength and jettisoning people that betray and abuse you out the airlock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Good lord. How much total humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? Unfortunately there is no cure for stupid and that goes for the both of you. What is wrong with you? This is your present and future. Why are you willing to accept so little in your life? 1. Get tested for STD's. 2. Get a therapist to understand your non existent self esteem and confidence. 3. Get a lawyer and seek an annulment. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I've tried to see her side, I've 'forgiven' Feel like I'm perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop Agony This is a mistake. what is there to understand other than that she is a skanky ho and a $lut and someone who completely disrespects and mistreats you? That is all you need to know about her. It is also a mistake to 'forgive' and try to forget that kind of abuse and mistreatment. This is a level of betrayal and bad behavior that is not acceptable. To accept such treatment is allowing yourself to be harmed and to be codependent. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop because it's simply a matter of time before many more shoes drop. Her cheating on you and cuckolding you going into the future is inevitable, it WILL happen again and will probably happen again sooner rather than later. As the others have mentioned she is a serial cheater. It is in her basic hardwiring to screw whatever comes along that she takes a liking to. She is with you and married you for the resources and the security and stability that you provide. she is not in love with you and does not desire you above all others. You are being played as a chump and a fool. This situation can not be resolved to where she is a loving and faithful and honorable wife who loves, admires and respects her husband. You can't turn a stray mutt into a purebred. She is a skanky ho and you are her chump that foots the bills while she plays around and screws players. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 She's over you. The next step is to have a few kids together, buy a house and rack up some years together so you have more of a reason that people will buy for throwing your self worth in the dumper and staying in this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Another thing to consider is the financial aspect of this. If you invest time have kids and it doesn't work out you are screwed for many years. You will get stuck with alimony, child support, not to mention after a period of time an asset split of @ 50/50. . This is very critical issue. If you remain married to this ho, each day you remain married you cost in the inevitable divorce is going to rise. If you get out now, you will have minimal payments and minimal losses. It may cost you in lawyer fees and court costs but there won't be any real spousal support or child support and there probably isn't a significant amount of marital property that will need to be divided. As time goes on and you become more intertwined, there will be division of marital assets which will include house/cars, investments, joint accounts, retirement accounts etc etc If you have children (which may not even be biologically yours) there will be child support and child insurance and child care costs etc) And the longer you are married and assuming an imbalance in personal incomes you will also likely be required to pay alimony/spousal support on a schedule based on the length of marriage and the disparity of incomes. In other words, the sooner you divorce and with the less the marital investments (ie shared property, assets, financial accounts, children etc etc) the less costly to you it will be. Divorce is inevitable in this situation. Either you will get sick of her cheating and eventually get around to getting rid of her, or she will eventually run off with one of her boyfriends and leave you in the dust while taking half of your property, assets and future income with her. You have now been informed. ignore the advice you have been given here at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Her cheating, lying and the trickle truth, is certainly not your fault. These were her decisions and actions and she should take full responsibility for. But if you stay and forgive - her next cheating in on you! You'll be the one to blame. You won't have any right to blame her, because she has shown to you, a full demonstration who she really is. You are fully aware of the product's quality, so if you choose to buy it, warranty could not be valid. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 What actions has she taken to demonstrate that she's done with these behaviors? From your post, it appears that she has continued to lie to you and cover her own ass. I don't recommend you reconcile with such a person. You can find a better partner than one that repeatedly demonstrates that she has no problem lying straight to your face. That's no partner at all. You're just sleeping with the enemy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Get the marriage annulled because you married her with critical information intentionally withheld from you(way cheaper then the cost of a divorce). Talk to a lawyer before you do anything else. Do not have unprotected sex with her, you wouldn't be the first man on here to find out about a unplanned pregnancy. I see a future with a lot of pain if you stay with this one. The least you should plan for is a bullet proof post nuptial agreement that gives you almost everything if you divorce because of a new infidelity. Don't listen to those that will tell you they are not enforceable, you still have to spend the money in Court to challenge enforceability and they exist for a reason. They are a deterrent. Edited January 3, 2016 by aliveagain Link to post Share on other sites
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