Cared2much Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I knew my marriage had problems and realized months before his side of the family was acting distant. Long story short a post was on her fb page announcing their 'new beginning'. My mother in law and tons of other people liked it. There were also other inappropriate comments made by my husband. I confronted him and all I got was lies, lies, and more lies. He rented another place behind my back. There's so much more lies and dysfunction that I prefer to just stop here. Status now getting a divorce, he has asked out other women days after being legally separated. No apologizies from him. He just insults me and spreads lies about me. He abandoned me and my children. Didn't pay rent, cut off everything, and shows no emotion or remorse for me or the children. What do I do? Everybody tells me to move on. Well that's obvious advice but how do I deal with shock, abuse, PTSD, humiliation etc Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I'm so sorry. This must be so horrible particularly during the holidays. I found it hard to keep it together yesterday Stop looking at social media! I know! It's easy for me to say because I've never really been into Facebook or "Fakebook" as I heard someone here call it! no good comes from those sites in our situations. Have you got legal advise yet? Is he the father of your children? I know your heart is broken. I find it a little easier to tackle the legal & logistical things. Venting here helps a lot too!! Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Everybody tells me to move on. Well that's obvious advice but how do I deal with shock, abuse, PTSD, humiliation etc Moving on with your own life without him is the sensible and practical advice. Move on and don't look back. That's a slam dunk. Dealing with the hurt, shock and baggage etc is what counselors and therapists are for. Get a good attorney and deal with the nuts and bolts and practicalities of the divorce. Then get a good therapist that can help you work through the baggage and emotional trauma that you have suffered so it doesn't taint you going forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 You don't have any option but to move on. I'm not sure if your children are his children too.... if they are he's really not the father you'd want for them as a role model with abandoning them. When people treat you so badly... I find nothing better than to show my world doesn't revolve around them and that I'll be just fine without them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Thank you everyone. I forgot to include he was also sending me text messages saying he loved me and wanted to work it out. Just to hurt me imagine Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm moving on. Deserve better 5 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 With any loss time is probably what will help the most and support from family, friends, and a therapist. You may need to see a doctor for depression medicine. Dont be ashamed you have been abandoned, cheated on, lied to, ....abused. Take it one day at a time. Actually 1 hour. Take care of you as best you can. Please check out... chump lady web site. There is a lot of advice and support from people who are going through the exact same thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 You rely on your trusted friends and family to help support you during this time and seek counseling so what your H did to you doesn't damage you. It sucks and he is a real shi.t for abandoning you and the kids that way, treating you all like crap. Shame on him. As much as it hurts now, as time goes on and once you grieve the loss of your marriage to him, you will come out this the champ. OW gets a liar, a cheater, a man who bails out of his responsibilities and isn't reliable!! Soon she will see what a mess of a person he is and possibly regret her decision to be with him. Take care of you, be gentle and kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda75 Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I remember those early days of soul crushing shock and hurt after stumbling upon my husband's infidelity. I faced an enormous challenge of holding down my job and being present for my two tween age sons when I was barely able to think, eat, or sleep. I put much misplaced time, energy and money into trying to fix my marriage. I never before fought so long and hard for anything in my life. I lost the marriage, but all that effort has paid off nonetheless, because I was able to focus on me. I figured out how to take care of me so that I'm much stronger, healthier and happier than before. Like the safety instructions on a plane, us moms have to put our oxygen masks on before others traveling with us. Your marriage as you knew it is suddenly and with little warning dead. You'll have to grieve this loss until you begin to figure out how to move forward and accept it. You may feel you still love your husband, but he has shown that he isnt marriage material. Real men don't abandon their wives when the going gets tough. He threw you under the bus. While you may forgive over time, forget this at your peril. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Get a good lawyer because anything you leave on the table will go to build their love nest. Make sure he's keeping up on his end of the finances or get his a$$ in front of a Judge. Unfriend him and his family on Facebook. Read up on the "180" and implement it immediately because you need to detach yourself from all this toxic drama. No matter how happy O/W portrays herself, she's still settling for your seconds. This is the ideal time to ask the Courts for full custody of your children. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Not allowed to discuss but let me just say he filed a false police report on me also. Didn't do anything. Word of advice dnt try to have a civil conversation with an abusive narcissist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 The shame here is his not yours, do not share in it with him. He is the one that cheated, lied and reneged on his obligations. I know that this all seems to be very overwhelming and makes anyone question how they can overcome this hurdle. It is kind of like the old saying “how do you eat an elephant sandwich?” and the answer is “one bite at a time. The same is true her, you have to just worry about getting through today. This person is no longer your husband, friend, buddy or pal. There is no need for any contact except for legal, financial or child support. Invest your time in the children and plan fun things for all of you this holiday season. Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Not allowed to discuss but let me just say he filed a false police report on me also. Didn't do anything. Word of advice dnt try to have a civil conversation with an abusive narcissist. That's a quote for the ages. Limit or terminate all together all and any form of communication with him. Avoid talking to him in person and communicate with him through text or email only, and only when it concerns your children, financial or legal matters. Totally ignore anything else, do not engage him in any exchange whatsoever. If you do, make sure that you have some recording device on you so that you have physical evidence of anything that he (falesly) claims. If he truly is a narcissist, then absolutely expect no apology, consideration, decency or humanity and expect more of the same s*** or worse. Hire a good lawyer and let him/her handle all legal and financial matters and communication. Have your lawyer be as effective as they can be, heck go after him for the false police report he filed on you. Be smart and cautious and work toward a life with his limited interference and presence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Ignore him, ignore his family. What a bunch of dramaqueens, not even man enough to look you in the eye and say the truth. Don't communicate with him unless it's about the kids. Should he start to become nasty during conversation, tell him you're going to hang up and that he may call you back in 5 - 10 minutes so he can cool down and then maybe try again. And get a lawyer, protect yourself. Definitely go for primary custody, don't expose the kids to dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 your MOTHER IN LAW posted nice things on her fb page? What a total Ahole! time to bail when the entire family is encouraging hi to cheat on you. take him to the cleaners financially though...you did not ask for any of this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 He monitored every conversation, text, email,websites visited etc. Spy app had to be installed. He would basically repeat any conversations I had with family and friends. He worked off. I was a stay at home mom with two small children. My oldest has special needs which I handle all by myself. I always wondered why he felt the need to spy on me. No reason too.Now I know it's bc he was running around and didn't want to get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 OMG I can't believe his whole family could be so pathologically enabling. I'm feeling sick to my stomach the more I read. You must be in complete shock from the wholesale abuse from so many quarters. I hope you realize that is the main reason people are telling you to shut them out, cut him off and wall yourself away from the toxicity ASAP. When this happened to me with extended family, I really didn't understand that their betrayal would scar me as much or more than my husband's. I'm still not over their head trips on me. I'm hoping all this good advice will give you a better headstart. Believe what everyone says: no contact, none. It's the only way you can hope for some future normalcy. Please tell us you have a very good lawyer who is on top of the police report and spy surveillance bullsh-t. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 I have a good lawyer. Unfortunately the spy app is untraceable according to att. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cared2much Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 Oh there is so much more to his insanity but due to privacy concerns for me I don't want to get too specific. His narcissist rage isn't pretty Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 What do I do? Everybody tells me to move on. Well that's obvious advice but how do I deal with shock, abuse, PTSD, humiliation etcBy getting even. Link to post Share on other sites
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