Hillary H Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 When I was out of town he had a text exchange with someone. I did an online search on the number and it belonged to someone promoting themselves as Helping Hands, personal services, massage. I called the number and a woman's voicemail picked up say her name which was the same name that I had seen online.these texts happened At least twice in the past 3 months. In both cases it was the first days of my out of town trip. It probably has been going on longer, I just haven't had access to the detail on the phone bill until recently. We've been together 14 years. What would you think? What would you do? I'm sad...and scared...i feel yucky inside. Ps I accidentally put this under a different category so am reposting. Sorry I am new Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Hillary, You know that :Helping Hands" were not someone looking to do home improvements on the house while you were gone. You either confront and get thew truth or you let it go on and hope to gather more incriminating evidence. It obviously sounds like "paid for" services and not an actualk traditional affair between two people with emotions involved. He is meeting someone for sex of some kind or trying to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Thanks. Is a "paid for" service a "no big deal" then? Is it kind of understood that most married men do this? I'm baffled. Link to post Share on other sites
Timmos Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Is it kind of understood that most married men do this? Absolutely not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm not sure how I feel about ever having sex with him again if this is the case. It grosses me out think of him doing this. If I confront him and say never do it again, I would not trust that he'd not ever do it. If i instead say, go do whatever you want since you aren't satisfied with me...then I would not have sex with him again. And then he would think this isn't much of a marriage without sex. What do you all think I should do ?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 You could turn it around on him and say something like this: Start talking. This is your chance to come clean and be honest with me. I know you've been up to no good behind my back because I had a Dr appointment and had some tests done.....He'll know exactly what you're talking about. Then watch his reaction. If he actually cheated physically on you, you'll know right away by his facial expressions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Make an appointment & pay to get info. You should get a feel for the place & see if it seems seedy. Research the business owners & look for moral vice busts. See how many calls LE has out there on an average month. A CL ad might get you some info about the business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Take a step back first of all - there are many legit massage therapists out there. I even googled "Helping Hands, personal services, massage" and came up with a few regulated businesses in my area, so any claims that "he's obviously having sex with a skanky sex worker, probably many times without your knowledge" are just silly. That said, you def have sth to be concerned about here, due to the going-away timing and the nature of the 'services.' Is your marriage/relationship and communication relatively strong? If so, just ask him about it. It's a slippery slope when you start going all detective, bc once you go there it's hard to go back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 That said, you def have sth to be concerned about here, due to the going-away timing and the nature of the 'services.' That's the whole point. If this was innocent he wouldn't have planned to do it everytime his wife was out of town. I just hope he never brought an escort back into your home OP, who knows what else you'll in his internet search history, yuck indeed...! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Take a step back first of all - there are many legit massage therapists out there. I even googled "Helping Hands, personal services, massage" and came up with a few regulated businesses in my area, so any claims that "he's obviously having sex with a skanky sex worker, probably many times without your knowledge" are just silly. That's a fair point, but if he's only doing it when the OP is out of town, and doesn't seek massage services ever when she is in town........looks like a duck, walks like a duck. The fact this is all secretive is a huge red flag he's getting a nice massage with a happy ending. Whatever you confront him with, he'll likely deny. But if I were you, I wouldn't wait or try to get more evidence while pretending everything was normal. Confront and don't let him sugar coat anything he's been doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Some of these places look very legit and actually do normal massages , however , they also do a lot of 'happy ending ' massages for men. If you can check bank statements and cash withdrawals for the same time period that could help. An unaccounted amount, more than a regular massage cost in your area could be your answer. If you can find a website for her business that may also help to know what she offers. Otherwise, you could call her and say you want to book a really special treatment for your boyfriend's birthday and ask what she suggests. Have an answer if she asks where you got her number or how you heard of her. The fact that he does it when you are away, shows its really unlikely to be a regular massage, or he wouldn't hide it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 That's the whole point. If this was innocent he probably wouldn't have planned to do it everytime his wife was out of town. That's a fair point, but if he's only doing it when the OP is out of town, and doesn't seek massage services ever when she is in town........looks like a duck, probably walks like a duck. The fact that he does it when you are away, shows its really unlikely to be a regular massage, or he wouldn't hide it. ^ All reasons to be suspicious and look for answers, but not to jump to conclusions. (I added the bolded in the first two, sandy provided her own qualification. ) Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 ^ All reasons to be suspicious and look for answers, but not to jump to conclusions. (I added the bolded in the first two, sandy provided her own qualification. ) Yes, do your resheach, but there is a possability it is legit. I would say the odds favor somthing bad, but do some more digging. Myself, I suffer from a bad back, and sometimes I get a massage. Always feel a little like chester the molester, as the theropest is alway a woman. Why is that? Anyway, I go to a national chain, and have good reslults, pain relief. Does your husband have a bad back? Why would he go to get a massage? See if you can answer this before you confront. I wish you luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Where there's smoke their is fire! Could be the tip of the iceberg? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I have a solution: don't confront him and start giving him massages (with happy endings). Ramp up your intimacy too, which is different than sex. Then check up on him again. If he's still sending messages like this, then confront him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks everyone. Your responses were really helpful!! I confronted him today and...he denied that is was anything but a great massage. He got the name of this woman from a guy at work. He says....Can't a guy get a massage? What's the big deal? He never goes for massages! (But there is a Massage Envy not far from our house hmmmm). He never mentioned getting these massages when I returned from my trip. He said he didn't mention it to me because getting a massage is really no big deal, he didn't think to mention it . The only times I saw texts of him contacting her is when I went out of town. He is shocked and hurt that I don't believe him. He says she is a legitimate massage therapist. I say Oh really. And it is strange there is no address listed on her web site. Seems that would be a tough way to run a business, wouldn't ya think? Thanks again everyone. I am making him take his phone off of our family plan. That way I do t have to see it in the bill if he continues this. Also, I am getting tested for STDs. Also, I am not up for having any Intimacy with him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks everyone. Your responses were really helpful!! I confronted him today and...he denied that is was anything but a great massage. He got the name of this woman from a guy at work. He says....Can't a guy get a massage? What's the big deal? He never goes for massages! (But there is a Massage Envy not far from our house hmmmm). He never mentioned getting these massages when I returned from my trip. He said he didn't mention it to me because getting a massage is really no big deal, he didn't think to mention it . The only times I saw texts of him contacting her is when I went out of town. He is shocked and hurt that I don't believe him. He says she is a legitimate massage therapist. I say Oh really. And it is strange there is no address listed on her web site. Seems that would be a tough way to run a business, wouldn't ya think? Thanks again everyone. I am making him take his phone off of our family plan. That way I do t have to see it in the bill if he continues this. Also, I am getting tested for STDs. Also, I am not up for having any Intimacy with him. Why would you take him off? Don't you want to know if he still is contacting her? Are you believing his manipulative reaction and saying he's shocked and hurt by you mistrusting him? Where there's smoke, there's fire. Fact! Don't hide from this. Investigate. Pay attention to little details and his moods. Watch him closely and see if he is hiding stuff from you. You know him well. Listen to your gut, if you feel he's lying to you or has omitted/down played this, then chances are he has. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks. Is a "paid for" service a "no big deal" then? Is it kind of understood that most married men do this? I'm baffled. Ah, no. Paying to cheat is no less cheating, it's just that in this case, you don't have to deal with the full on emotional aspect and having an "OW". Letting another woman jerk you off behind your wife's back is still disrespectful and slimey as all get out. But, not all women will leave a husband for a full blown affair, much less paid sexual activities on the side. So, you have to decide if you can stay happily married to a man who's going to do this or not. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Tell him (sweetly) that you'll do the booking for a massage for him if he needs one. There shouldn't be a reason why you don't know anything about his massages if everything is innocent Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks everyone. Your responses were really helpful!! I confronted him today and...he denied that is was anything but a great massage. He got the name of this woman from a guy at work. He says....Can't a guy get a massage? What's the big deal? He never goes for massages! (But there is a Massage Envy not far from our house hmmmm). He never mentioned getting these massages when I returned from my trip. He said he didn't mention it to me because getting a massage is really no big deal, he didn't think to mention it . The only times I saw texts of him contacting her is when I went out of town. He is shocked and hurt that I don't believe him. He says she is a legitimate massage therapist. I say Oh really. And it is strange there is no address listed on her web site. Seems that would be a tough way to run a business, wouldn't ya think? Thanks again everyone. I am making him take his phone off of our family plan. That way I do t have to see it in the bill if he continues this. Also, I am getting tested for STDs. Also, I am not up for having any Intimacy with him. I've no doubt she is a trained masseuse, I'd say she just offers extras. Those extras range from happy endings to full blown sex. Of course you'll never see this advertised, because it's illegal. - Has your H always been into massages? - Does he have musculoskeletal or back problems? I know I might talk about a good massage with a coworker if I knew they were into massages themselves , but do guys talk really talk about this? I think you really don't want to know what's going on and are fearful of discovering the truth. If it's really just a massage, why is it only when you are out of town? Coincidence? Really? Why not mention it? My H goes for the occasional massage , but he always tells me when he goes and tells me what it was like. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hillary H Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) Thank you all so very much. You have helped me more than you'll ever know. Edited July 4, 2015 by Hillary H Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I'd go visit the place of business. You can tell a legit spa from a seedy massage parlor. If there's a bunch of photos of different girls in bikinis for men to choose from, you can guess the intent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Marriage without intimacy sounds like a waste of time to me. Why not have an open marriage then? This way both of you can get what you need elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I'd go visit the place of business. You can tell a legit spa from a seedy massage parlor. If there's a bunch of photos of different girls in bikinis for men to choose from, you can guess the intent. BH, These places don't all look seedy though. They have a very professional set up and if a woman wen there, they'd get a normal regular massage. I've actually been told by someone who visited one , that there was no clue it was anything other than legit and above board, then towards the end of the massage the masseur asked if he'd like his junk massaged as well. The place had nail technicians as well and looked like the real deal . I think it was..........but they offer a bit more to get big tips. The massage fee is paid at the desk and the tip is given behind closed doors. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 If she is a legitimate massage therapist, he would have no problem introducing you to her. I see a massage therapist. He comes to my house and doesn't have an address. He is gay and my husband jokes that this is the only other man who can touch my naked body. But it is completely above board (he actually mostly works on the musicians and dancers of the symphony and ballet). I think you are wrong by removing him from the family plan; you should continue to monitor his correspondence. And withholding intimacy isn't going to solve the problem... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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