Snooping on your WS’s computer and phone

[MightyQuinn]

I said I would put together a post on how to snoop on a suspected cheating spouse. This is that post. It also explains how to protect your own computer and phone information should your suspected cheating spouse start snooping on your activities. If you’re like me, you could be secretly apartment shopping in preparation to leave and want to hide such activities from your WS.

 

Unfortunately, this information is a double-edged sword: A WS could keep their wandering more of a secret by following some of the advice here. If you suspect your spouse is cheating but can’t find the dirt, this could help you change up your approach for trying to catch them, though.

 

Because we are married, I assume that 50% of my computer is his, and 50% of his computer is mine. Therefore, there is no reasonable expectation of privacy. Additionally, both computers are located in rooms that are not considered “off limits” to the other. The same is true for phones, we both often let each other use our phones, so once again, no privacy when permission has been established. Finally, I did NOT install anything on either computer or our cell phones that could record anything – no locations, no phone numbers or texts, no voice conversation, no video conversations. Installing software that can do any of these things could be considered “illegal wiretapping” in some if not all states.

 

First, how to do some snooping:

 

1. If your WS saves email address and social account passwords in their computer, use this to your advantage. Log in to their accounts using the saved passwords. My WH was dumb and clicked “Keep me logged in” so I never actually had to use his saved passwords, he was just constantly logged in to his Facebook account, so even if he closed the browser, I could open it right back up again and see what was in his account. Facebook was my first indication that he was doing anything wrong, I noticed he “Liked” the photos of a certain co-worker a LOT. I started adding up what of hers he liked compared to what he liked on my page and it didn’t add up, he was spending a LOT of time on her page. So when I finally had the chance to check his private Facebook messages, I was not surprised to find messages from her. The first messages I saw were innocent and about work-related things. Then as I scrolled further back into their conversation history, I found messages telling each other how good in bed the other one was and making plans to rendezvous while I was out of the house.

 

2. Check browser histories to see the types of places they visited. Holy cow, the porn history on my WS’s browser was ridiculous. Porn doesn’t bother me, but the sheer amount that he was viewing seems nuts. It also didn’t help that a lot of the page titles indicated he was going for “hot blondes” – his OW is blonde and I’m brunette.

 

3. IF your WS leaves their phone around, check text messages and call logs. But don’t stop there, I didn’t actually find any incriminating text messages. But I didn’t give up, he left his phone out a few times and the first three times I found nothing, but the fourth, I found a “SnapChat”-like program with some saved photos from her. Text overlays on each photo gave me snippets of their conversations. They weren’t using standard texts, they were basically sending each other photos of text. He didn’t save any of his sent “Snaps” but I saw enough of his saved snaps from her to get a better idea of just how much they “talked” and hooked up.

 

Coincidentally, or maybe not so coincidentally, 2-3 days before I discovered my WH’s illicit Facebook messages, he accused me of snooping on his Facebook, even though I hadn’t yet. It was such a strange conversation, that it made me suspect there was something in his Facebook that he knew I wouldn’t like, and he only believed me because I didn’t react like he would have expected me to if I’d seen his cheating texts. If he wouldn’t have accused me out of the blue, I might not have looked, and I might still be ignorant to his ways right now. Also, this day seems to be the day when WH and the OW switched from using Facebook as a primary means of communication to using the “SnapChat”-like program to talk.

 

4. Look in folders on the computer and phone hard drive. To look at the phone, I plugged it in to a USB port. Look in the downloads, photos, video folders. Look in every one, even the ones that have the most innocent or stupid names. I found “New Folder” in his downloads folder. It was full of videos of his OW masturbating. Inside “New Folder (2)”, I found dozens of photos of her modeling underwear and lingerie.

 

5. Save evidence if you want to or need to. I copied and pasted the text of his Facebook messages and emailed them to myself from his computer. Believe me, I searched for a way to export it to PDF or something, but the text was good enough for me. I also have a USB drive that is disguised as a writing pen so he doesn’t even know it exists. That USB drive is full of his OW’s photos and videos. Where I live, it doesn’t matter who cheated on who, but other states, being able to prove infidelity might be worthwhile. I have it for myself, though, for two reasons: 1) The OW’s poor BS wants kids and she is incapable of having them, when the time is right I’m going to make sure he has the proof he needs to potentially move on and find someone who CAN have kids 2) I’ve looked at the evidence a few times since I discovered it and it has helped to propel my plans forward. Every time I get a little tinge of sadness or second-thoughts (I have loved him for 13 years, after all, it’s only natural to have moments of doubt), I look at those photos or those texts and my anger and willpower are renewed.

 

6. Erase the evidence that you were there. While below I will tell you how to cover your tracks on your own computer, that’s more of a “machete approach”, which will delete all your history, cookies, cache, etc. If you are looking at your WS’s computer/phone and you take the “Machete approach”, this will be quite noticeable and they could suspect that you were snooping. With the “scalpel approach” though, you can delete just the evidence that you were snooping, leaving any “history” they browsed fully intact. Here are the important places to check, and with these in mind, you can get an idea for other places you might need to check:

Social accounts and email: If you intercepted any messages that your

WS

hasn’t read yet, you can mark these as “unread”. If your

WS

already read the messages (you will be able to tell), you don’t have to do anything.

 

Browser history: DO NOT DELETE THE WHOLE HISTORY. You should be able to “Open all history” and then selectively delete the pages you visited.

 

Operating system: If you were looking in folders, the places you were snooping might appear in a “Recent Places” list. Open an “explorer window”

so

you can see all the folders. Then you can usually right-click on the folders you visited and “delete” them from the Recent Places List. The folders will remain where they are, just the record of you visiting them will be gone.

 

Other programs: If you were looking at documents, photos or videos, there could be a record of “Recent Files” in any program you used to view these things. Sometimes you can right-click and delete items from the list. If not, you will have to open quite a few other “innocent” files until the incriminating files fall off the list of “Recent files”.

Second, this is how I went about protecting myself from my snooping husband, whom I have caught cheating, but he doesn’t know that yet:

 

1. Changed all passwords for email accounts, social accounts, etc. Did not save them in browser, so all “saved passwords” are wrong and won’t work if he tries to use my computer to log in to my accounts.

 

2. Set my browser to delete all history and cookies every time I closed the browser. With this setting, every time I close the browser, I will automatically be logged out of all accounts so he can’t snoop on me. Also, it gets rid of all apartment search-related history, so he doesn’t know I’m apartment searching.

 

3. Created a new, secret email account for apartment communications, etc.

 

4. Any links or information I need to keep, I emailed to my secret email account listed in #3. To keep all of the information contained, I would email FROM the secret account, TO the secret account, so all the “Sent” and “Received” was contained in one place.

 

5. After any phone calls to apartments were made, I would delete the number from my call log. How to do this might be different on each phone, but for me I just pressed on the number until a menu popped up and one of the options was to “Delete this from call log.” If I needed to remember the number, I would save it in my secret email account for later access.

 

6. Any divorce-related texts that I sent to my bestie (and any she sent to me) were also deleted. Again, if there was info I needed to keep, I would save it in my secret email account.

 

7. Your Facebook private messages work a lot like email. You can delete them. You can also archive them or move them to different folders. I’ve tried to keep all my communications about this off of Facebook, though, because there’s always the possibility that he could snoop on MY phone, where my Facebook app is always logged in.

 

8. Always be aware of any “Sent” folders, whether its on your phone or on your computer. People always forget the “Sent” folder.

 

9. Always be aware of any “History” logs, whether on your computer browser or your phone browser. Erase what you need to.

 

10. This is really important if you and your WS are using the same computer: Be on the lookout for changes the WS might make to your settings, so you don’t accidentally leave some “history” behind. Additionally, if you suspect your spouse is trying to spy on you with your computer or phone, do some research on what to look for with those programs. These are good places to start:

How To Bust Your Boss Or Loved One For Installing Spyware On Your Phone - Forbes

How to Tell if your Cell Phone is Being Tracked, Tapped or Monitored by Spy Software - SpyzRus.net

How to Detect Computer & Email Monitoring or Spying Software

Cellphone spying: Is someone seeing your photos, texts, calls and more? | One Page | Komando.com

 

11. That’s all web browsers and cell phone logs, but what about the rest of your computer? If you download or open anything, there could be a record of it on your hard drive (or phone, for that matter). Just deleting it isn’t enough, you also have to empty the “recycling bin.” Additionally, many operating systems have a “recent places” folder, which shows any folder or directories you’ve been looking at on the computer. You can usually clear the whole list, or even delete specific “recent places” from the list (I did this by finding this list, then right clicking on the incriminating folders and selecting “delete”).

 

12. Other programs: When I found some incriminating photos, records of me looking at these photos showed up in various programs, like the “Recently opened” option in Photoshop. In some cases, you can select and delete individual files from the “Recently opened” list, usually by right-clicking and deleting. In the case that you can’t delete individual files, though, these “recently opened” lists usually have a limit of about 10 files. So if you open 10-15 “innocent” files, it will push the files you were looking at down and off the “recently opened” list and no one will know you were looking at them.

 

Snooping on the OW/OM:

 

1. I scoured her Facebook page and looked for other social accounts. I figured out that she was married and what her spouse’s name was.

 

2. I plugged OW’s name, city, state into Google and found an address for her. Then I plugged her BS’s name, city, state into Google and got an address for him. They match, so I know where to send the photos when the time is right.

 

3. Drove past the house so I could tell what kind of cars they have. I look for one of the vehicles every time I come home, half expecting to find them in bed together.

 

That’s what I got. These are shared for research purposes only, and not intended to be used to plan to cause physical harm to anyone. If you suspect your spouse of cheating, use these ideas to help you get to the answer, then if you discover they were unfaithful, you have all the ammo you need to take the high road and LEAVE.

[Realist3]

You lost me at the word 'assume'. Yes, you assumed incorrectly.

[fellini]

You should know too that if the computer on which email is being read uses a programme like Microsoft Outlook, EVEN when you delete messages, and EVEN when you EMPTY the DELETED messages, there is a software that can be used to RESTORE all deleted messages.

 

Also you can check the hidden deleted files that might well be saved on the cloud, for example, in Dropbox.

[BetrayedH]

I also found links in my wife's "indexed searches." That doesn't clear when they delete their internet history. That's how I discovered my wife's 3some with a prostitute and the OM.

[BetrayedH]

You lost me at the word 'assume'. Yes, you assumed incorrectly.

 

Depends on the state. My atty saw no issues searching my wife's PC or GPSing "her" car since they were marital assets.

 

I suspect a work computer would be different.

[No Limit]

I suspect a work computer would be different.

 

A work computer can get you sued because it belongs to the company and might be used for... delicate information. Economic espionage, basically. Your little food store down the road probably wouldn't mind (or care), but I'd be careful if you'd hack yourself into a bank or military network.

[goodyblue]

If you have to go to these lengths to spy on your partner, just leave. There will be no R, so just go. No need to hide that you are looking for an apartment, pack a bag and stay with a friend because this post shows how crazy you can make yourself. It is not worth it.

Edited December 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BetrayedH]

A work computer can get you sued because it belongs to the company and might be used for... delicate information. Economic espionage, basically. Your little food store down the road probably wouldn't mind (or care), but I'd be careful if you'd hack yourself into a bank or military network.

 

That's why I called it out as an exception. Ultimately, whether or not something is legal depends on a lot of factors.

 

In my situation, I did a lot of investigating. Much of it was done initially to discover the affair, some to determine the extent of it (for use in the divorce), and some to determine if she was lying during our reconciliation (which, it turns out, she was doing -- all while she was crying and telling me that I knew everything and that she's never lie to me again). One of my discoveries was via her work email where I found out that she wasn't keeping NC. Pretty significant discovery, I'd say. Did the legality of that (or any of my investigatory methods) ever come up during our bitter divorce? Nope. But I suppose that would have been pretty stupid considering that she provided the sign-on info.

 

Does it happen sometimes? Sure, but it's really rare and I think that's because the cheater is more concerned about hiding the content than they are about exposing the methods to obtain it.

[BetrayedH]

If you have to go to these lengths to spy on your partner, just leave. There will be no R, so just go. No need to hide that you are looking for an apartment, pack a bag and stay with a friend because this post shows how crazy you can make yourself. It is not worth it.

 

Easy to say until you're the victim of betrayal and gaslighting. No one likes to be played for a fool. My discoveries showed that I wasn't a fool but in fact, quite clever and resourceful. I wasn't going to be tricked any further. More importantly, I had all of the information I needed to be confident for a lifetime about my decisions and be able to back it all up before a judge or the court of public opinion should it ever prove necessary.

 

I don't regret any of my hypervigilance. My wife wanted to deny me the opportunity to make informed decisions about the rest of my life. Nice try. Epic fail.

Edited December 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[goodyblue]

Easy to say until you're the victim of betrayal and gaslighting. No one likes to be played for a fool. My discoveries showed that I wasn't a fool but in fact, quite clever and resourceful. I wasn't going to be tricked any further. More importantly, I had all of the information I needed to be confident for a lifetime about my decisions and be able to back it all up before a judge or the court of public opinion should it ever prove necessary.

 

I don't regret any of my hypervigilance. My wife wanted to deny me the opportunity to make informed decisions about the rest of my life. Nice try. Epic fail.

 

You know, I always enjoy your posts. You are sincere without being sh*tty and have lots of useful info.

 

 

I am of the opinion that if things are that bad there is generally no.coming back from it because the WS is too far out of the marriage and/or the BS is going to be so hurt/pissed/vindictive there is no forgiveness to be given.

 

If this is something that is going.to be done on the way out of th M and is simply an attempt at getting all the info possible for divorce court that is a little silly as well as most states do not even bring infidelity into the proceedings.

 

The only time it may be of value is if the WS is a public figure and the BS could finagle a higher settlement in lieu of making the A public knowledge. My guy runs a business and is on many boards in the community and when it came down to it, he didn't really care what his ex told anyone anyway so even that is a crap shoot.

 

But... I guess I can see how it would help emotional to take control of your life back when you felt things were being done without your consent.

[purplesorrow]

You know, I always enjoy your posts. You are sincere without being sh*tty and have lots of useful info.

 

 

I am of the opinion that if things are that bad there is generally no.coming back from it because the WS is too far out of the marriage and/or the BS is going to be so hurt/pissed/vindictive there is no forgiveness to be given.

 

If this is something that is going.to be done on the way out of th M and is simply an attempt at getting all the info possible for divorce court that is a little silly as well as most states do not even bring infidelity into the proceedings.

 

The only time it may be of value is if the WS is a public figure and the BS could finagle a higher settlement in lieu of making the A public knowledge. My guy runs a business and is on many boards in the community and when it came down to it, he didn't really care what his ex told anyone anyway so even that is a crap shoot.

 

But... I guess I can see how it would help emotional to take control of your life back when you felt things were being done without your consent.

 

That's just it. Things aren't always that bad. You just know something is a little off. We did things as usual, there was no missing time. Had dates, vacations etc. but something was different. When asked, I was just told work was stressful for example. You start to fill a little crazy and who wants to live like that?

[goodyblue]

That's just it. Things aren't always that bad. You just know something is a little off. We did things as usual, there was no missing time. Had dates, vacations etc. but something was different. When asked, I was just told work was stressful for example. You start to fill a little crazy and who wants to live like that?

 

You know, I often wonder what the intimacy level is in the marriage when someone has an A. Not sex but emotional intimacy. Do you still have deep, heartfelt talks in the late night? Do you still hold hands in the car and chat instead of turning on the radio? Laugh at silly things? Or has that disappeared because of life getting in the way.

[thirtysomethingteen]

Those suggestions are more or less how I busted my husband years ago. He still doesn't know how I figured everything out to this day.

 

Ironically it probably helped with reconcilliation though, because he ended up confessing to things he had no idea I already knew about after vowing to be honest from then on out - well, either that or he was too afraid to tell even one more lie as I made it pretty clear what the consequences would be...he would be out of the house, my bff would move in to help with the mortgage, and I would file for divorce...I am always a woman with a plan. Woke him the eff up.

[cocorico]

You start to fill a little crazy and who wants to live like that?

 

See, that's what matters to me. If I was feeling "a little crazy" or inauthentic or just not happy with how things were, I'd confront, try to fix - and if I still felt things weren't as I wanted, I'd leave. The details wouldn't matter - whether it was work, MLC or "another woman" would make no difference. What would matter was that our R had changed, that I was being positioned on the outside rather than on the team facing the issue, and *that* would be the issue. I'm not willing to be situated like that, whatever the root cause, so I'd go. Poking and prying to see if the root cause was one I could find sympathy for isn't my style.

[Sub]

You know, I often wonder what the intimacy level is in the marriage when someone has an A. Not sex but emotional intimacy. Do you still have deep, heartfelt talks in the late night? Do you still hold hands in the car and chat instead of turning on the radio? Laugh at silly things? Or has that disappeared because of life getting in the way.

 

It really depends on the people involved. And timing. My WW and I were not in the best place before or during her A. The intimacy was definitely inconsistent. That said, we still had a lot of those moments: great sex, long talks on a park bench watching our son play, etc. And I ALWAYS made her laugh. She viewed that inconsistency differently than I did, however.

[purplesorrow]

You know, I often wonder what the intimacy level is in the marriage when someone has an A. Not sex but emotional intimacy. Do you still have deep, heartfelt talks in the late night? Do you still hold hands in the car and chat instead of turning on the radio? Laugh at silly things? Or has that disappeared because of life getting in the way.

 

We still did all the special stuff, we held hands all the time. Always did sweet things for one another. Inside jokes, all that. We would text and call all throughout the day. He maintained that for most of his affair. Once the guilt got to be too much, there were small changes and I noticed because we did have that intimacy. His affair killed all that sweet innocence. I tried to reconcile but realized that couldn't be recovered despite all his remourse and working on himself. Sad really, I miss it.

[purplesorrow]

See, that's what matters to me. If I was feeling "a little crazy" or inauthentic or just not happy with how things were, I'd confront, try to fix - and if I still felt things weren't as I wanted, I'd leave. The details wouldn't matter - whether it was work, MLC or "another woman" would make no difference. What would matter was that our R had changed, that I was being positioned on the outside rather than on the team facing the issue, and *that* would be the issue. I'm not willing to be situated like that, whatever the root cause, so I'd go. Poking and prying to see if the root cause was one I could find sympathy for isn't my style.

 

I would have expected him to stand by me if I were going through something. I was just supposed to walk away from my family because he was acting a little off for a month?

[goodyblue]

It really depends on the people involved. And timing. My WW and I were not in the best place before or during her A. The intimacy was definitely inconsistent. That said, we still had a lot of those moments: great sex, long talks on a park bench watching our son play, etc. And I ALWAYS made her laugh. She viewed that inconsistency differently than I did, however.

 

Very interesting. Maybe it is not the same for my guy and me but there is just 'that thing'. When we see one another nothing else exists. He could be giving a presentation and if I walk in suddenly it is all about me... we lock eyes and nothing around us matters. With the kids, we do so many fun things, but the kids are in the back seat playing on their tablet etc and he talks dirty in my ear. We are always touching. It has only been a few years, not twenty, but we just have that. I think that is what intimacy is for us. If it changed, I would immediately pick up on it. The thing is, I know what HE needs. And I give it.

[Sub]

Very interesting. Maybe it is not the same for my guy and me but there is just 'that thing'. When we see one another nothing else exists. He could be giving a presentation and if I walk in suddenly it is all about me... we lock eyes and nothing around us matters. With the kids, we do so many fun things, but the kids are in the back seat playing on their tablet etc and he talks dirty in my ear. We are always touching. It has only been a few years, not twenty, but we just have that. I think that is what intimacy is for us. If it changed, I would immediately pick up on it. The thing is, I know what HE needs. And I give it.

 

That's wonderful, and I would say that was the case for us for the first 10-12 years of our R, and the past couple, post-A. But as is the case with a lot of M's or relationships, you're going to hit some bumps in the road. Things happen - things out of your control some times - life happens, attention gets divided. You don't always see eye-to-eye on things. The ones with the best foundations are the one's that work through it, IMO. And I think we have to this point. In contrast: my best friend found out his W had an A a little over a year ago. Her A was tame compared to my WW's. They're now finalizing their D. Among other things, they didn't have that foundation of intimacy, that ability to make each other laugh, or find each other again when s**t hit the fan.

[MightyQuinn]

If you have to go to these lengths to spy on your partner, just leave. There will be no R, so just go. No need to hide that you are looking for an apartment, pack a bag and stay with a friend because this post shows how crazy you can make yourself. It is not worth it.

 

 

Of course you wouldn't do these things in a stable relationship. That wasn't the point of this post and that's why it was in the "infidelity" folder.

 

I was in a 13 year relationship, married for 4 years, where I completely trusted my partner. There was no "missing time", we had "date night" twice a week, sex 2-3 times a week, our relationship always seemed to be progressing. I never went through these lengths to spy on my partner until he did and said things that gave me huge red flags that he was being unfaithful. That's when the snooping started (about a month ago), and that's how I found confirmation that my husband was cheating. And this weekend, I'm moving out.

 

I shared this because the steps I took helped me to:

 

1) Discover the truth about my WH and his OW

2) Evaluate the depth of the betrayal so I could decide if I wanted to stay or leave

3) Keep my plans to leave a secret from him, should he start snooping on me. You don't know my situation, you don't know why I'm hiding the apartment search, if I felt safe letting him know the truth, he'd damn-well know it. IF it was as easy as just packing a bag, I'd be gone.

 

Again, sheesh, what a thoughtless response, thinking that human relationships are so cut and dry and acting like its so easy to leave at a moments notice.

 

Part of my job is internet research, so this is something that I'm good at. I wanted to share what I learned with other people who could be facing a similar situation, who might not be as tech savvy. So I shared. 'Nuff said.

Edited December 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Sub]

There are times when I think of the lengths WS's go to hiding an A - multiple email accounts, secret screen names for chats, burner phones, etc. - and the lengths BS's go to collecting evidence about them (myself included), and just shake my head. We turn our "loving" relationships into espionage novels. It's both funny and said. Not to belittle the thread or oversimplify the issue. But, it really shouldn't be this hard.

[goodyblue]

We still did all the special stuff, we held hands all the time. Always did sweet things for one another. Inside jokes, all that. We would text and call all throughout the day. He maintained that for most of his affair. Once the guilt got to be too much, there were small changes and I noticed because we did have that intimacy. His affair killed all that sweet innocence. I tried to reconcile but realized that couldn't be recovered despite all his remourse and working on himself. Sad really, I miss it.

 

I am going to be honest here. For a long time I just didn't feel bad at all over the affair. I felt my guy was justified given the loneliness of his life and that I knew what he needed. In some ways I still feel that way, but I have watched his ex suffer and while it kind of pisses me off because I feel she let him down in almost every fundamental way, I realize we (together) hurt her in unnecessary ways that I regret.

 

I wish we had been smarter. Waited until he had separated at least before we dated. The thing is, she was having her needs met and even though he had tried to make things better, counseling etc. his needs were not being met and as long as they went along quietly she didn't care.

 

Much different from what you describe, but even so, does not justify what we did. We have been in therapy to dissect the why's and we are okay with things and are happy in our relationship. But when it comes to something like what you describe, I do not have answers. I am sorry you gave your all and got a sh*t sandwich.

 

What ever happened with the OW and your H?

[purplesorrow]

I am going to be honest here. For a long time I just didn't feel bad at all over the affair. I felt my guy was justified given the loneliness of his life and that I knew what he needed. In some ways I still feel that way, but I have watched his ex suffer and while it kind of pisses me off because I feel she let him down in almost every fundamental way, I realize we (together) hurt her in unnecessary ways that I regret.

 

I wish we had been smarter. Waited until he had separated at least before we dated. The thing is, she was having her needs met and even though he had tried to make things better, counseling etc. his needs were not being met and as long as they went along quietly she didn't care.

 

Much different from what you describe, but even so, does not justify what we did. We have been in therapy to dissect the why's and we are okay with things and are happy in our relationship. But when it comes to something like what you describe, I do not have answers. I am sorry you gave your all and got a sh*t sandwich.

 

What ever happened with the OW and your H?

 

He never spoke to her again after dday. Blocked her on everything.I kicked him out a few months after dday. It had been over a year and she contacted me wanting to speak to him. We still live apart. I told her it was his choice to not interact with her, not mine. Don't know why she thought I could control him. In reading some of their convos she would say she loved him and he would tell her he didn't feel that way.

[goodyblue]

He never spoke to her again after dday. Blocked her on everything.I kicked him out a few months after dday. It had been over a year and she contacted me wanting to speak to him. We still live apart. I told her it was his choice to not interact with her, not mine. Don't know why she thought I could control him. In reading some of their convos she would say she loved him and he would tell her he didn't feel that way.

 

Do you want to work it out?

[purplesorrow]

Do you want to work it out?

 

Hard to answer. I want what we had, but I know we can't get that back. Betrayal changes how you look at someone, even yourself. We both deserved to be loved fully for who we are, warts and all. I agreed to try reconciling but quickly realized I wasn't capable of being all in and that's not fair to him. Holding back felt a little like a form of punishment and I don't want to do that. If we are meant to be (some days I feel we are are), we will be divorce or not. But right now I just haven't healed enough to reconcile the right way.