jnel921 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I reached a major milestone in my R since DDay over a year and a half ago. I told my husband I loved him. It wasn't any special day or moment when I said it. What was amazing was how he broke down and cried like a baby and told me how he missed hearing those words. He hugged me so tight and kept apologizing. I told him he didn't need to anymore. I love him, love all that he has done since hurting our M. I have been holding onto that for so long, afraid that if I said it he'd hurt me again. But he didn't deserve that. I have always loved him. I did the day I married him and will continue until my last breath. It's weird but after that I felt differently towards him. Closer. Happier. My H's actions were heartbreaking but since then he has shown me and has done everything within his power to show me how much he does love me and appreciates our M . R is not easy. Us BS have to deal with a lot of painful memories that slowly fade and are replaced by better ones. I want to spend the rest of my time here on earth doing what I know I can do best. Love my H warts and all! 22 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 So happy for you and your H. He is a very lucky man, and I am so glad he got to hear those words from you. It is wonderful to see that you are doing better. Good to hear some positive news and I hope he realizes what a wonderful gift you have given him. Tell him how lucky he is. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I am happy for you as well- I know you always loved him, I always felt from your posts holding back was not about punishing him but your desire to feel "safe" again. I am happy that you feel safe and loved! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Been waiting for that to come, jnel, and in some of your recent posts, I could tell it was coming soon. Yay! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Such a great post, cheers and to many more "loving" years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Awesome . I love these sort of posts! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I am so very happy for you! Most of us here know the struggle it takes to get to the point where you are now. (25 months past D-Day for me, and we are envied by many who remark that we are "just two lovebirds") Keep doing what you are.......it is working...... I wish the best to you, and to all of us! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 People say that about is too notcamelot , right now I have a hard time hearing it but I hope in the future it will be music to my ears. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jnel921 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) Thanks everyone for the well wishes... It was such an intense moment. I can't explain it. But It was one that has changed the trajectory of our M. It does take a willing BS and a remorseful WS to make a successful R work. I don't regret the decision to stay. It took some time but I got there. I am just happy that I can look at him and tell him how I feel. And yes BetrayedH, I could feel it coming on over the past several months. We have spent a lot of time together and have talked about everything without anger or tears. So that is also an accomplishment within itself. My hope is for everyone working on their M's is that they stay true to their commitment to each other. I think this is the most important piece of the healing process. For now we will keep working on strengthening our M one day at a time. Edited June 13, 2014 by jnel921 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Trustnoone Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Jnel921 Wow, what a great moment!!! If your story is here I will have to read it. I'm hoping the same for my WW and I. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jnel921 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Jnel921 Wow, what a great moment!!! If your story is here I will have to read it. I'm hoping the same for my WW and I. Best of luck to you. Part of the R process was bringing my wall down. After the initial shock and the wave of emotions you realize that the trust and safety is gone. It took some time for my H to convince me that he was in this M for real. But to get here we had many painful conversations and a lot of tears. Saying those words again has given him a whole new appreciation of our R and M. He has told me he would never hurt me like that again. I believe him. It took me a while to get to that place, but I do. I think that if your WS is truly remorseful and wants zero to do with the AP, it can work. But both people have to do the work. I feel like in a way we have reinvented our relationship after all of this. I truly am happy with the way things are. I hope everyone here who is trying to R can get to this point in their relationship. It takes time but it can happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StrongHusband Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I hope everyone here who is trying to R can get to this point in their relationship. It takes time but it can happen. Good to hear you have survived this. I am going through some similar situation. I am just curious, how long did it take for you and your H to R? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jnel921 Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 (edited) Good to hear you have survived this. I am going through some similar situation. I am just curious, how long did it take for you and your H to R? ST, I read your story and I am sorry you are going through this. You should know this is my second M. My first ended in D due to my XH long term infidelity. My current H had a brief A with his friends GF and he was not emotionally invested in her. He was remorseful and really wanted to work on us to regain my trust and love. I did not immediately agree to anything. I needed time to think and reconcile my feelings. I needed to beleive that we could make a real try at it. Everyone's circumstances are different and I truly beleive the longer the A the more difficult it is to continue in the M. You need to consider that you have been lied to for years and were exposed to STDs and lies. 17 years ago when I discovered my first H's A I did not hesitate in letting him go. A few months earlier I went to my cousin's funeral who contracted AIDS from her cheating BF. At that time there weren't any drugs that could stabilize this disease as they have today. She was a few weeks short of her 35th birthday and left behind 2 daughters. After witnessing this I knew I wouldn't tolerate anyone who was willing to put me at risk. Not only did he hurt me, but willing to give me a death sentence? And for what? A few seconds of pleasure? FF to this day and age, my H slept with the OW twice and had unprotected sex. So until he had a clean bill of Heath and so did I... I would not let him touch me. Had I found out I had contracted anything I know it would have been a dealbreakers. Although in the end I agreed to stay, there was always the option of me being able to change my mind and leave. If I didn't feel things were going right then why stay? Only you know how strong your heart is and how much you can handle. Not all of us are the same. It's been a year and a half and we are in a better place. He has proven that I can trust him. He shows me he loves me everyday. You need to discuss the details of her A and determine if your M is worth saving. Be prepared to hurt for a long time if you choose to stay. Good luck to you.... Edited June 23, 2014 by jnel921 Link to post Share on other sites
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