clipper412 Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 out of curiosity..... for all you Betrayed Spouses out there..... what proof would you need to make you believe that you're signifigant other (bf/gf - husband or wife) was having an affair ??? besides the obvious of catching them in the act or having your WS admitting it to your face...... what other solid proof would you need.. ESPECIALLY if you were never a tiny bit suspicious?? Link to post Share on other sites
mamajtee Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 if my partner told me he/she cheated i would believe it.... other proof is when you retrace the past few months has he or she been acting different or not wanting sex from you, or finding reasons to start arguments, has the least thing about your partner changed,.... the thing he or she wear, eat, thing he or she want to do are all a sudden new to you . but if my mate told me they cheated i would believe unless they are lieing to get out of the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 I don't really understand the question... If I don't suspect him at all, I wouldn't believe it if someone else told me. Except maybe the other woman. Pictures! With the date on it. Gifts. Telephone calls - etc. But in my cse, the minute I'd suspect soemthing, I'd make his life a living hell. I trust him with all my heart and I wouldn't stand the shodow of the doubt. I think it's viceversa too. What do I need to suspect him? It's the feeling... I don't think I can say in words exactly. I think I trust my instinct a lot in this, although I know it's not the safest way... but i cannot live without trusting my man or without freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 I've never been married, but I've been cheated on in a long term relationship where we practically lived together: He stopped letting me do his laundry. He was "working late" all the time He was spending time with this mysterious "friend" that I'd never met He was dressing better He'd come home from work with nail polish painted on his fingers and he'd have pen marks on his arm (this girl was really childish) I got really suspiscious the day before we broke up because I found a pair of panties that weren't mine in some of his stuff. I was like...d&mn, these are WAY too big for me... Hrmmm... But, I mean... I didn't know for sure until he moved all my stuff out one day, and moved all her stuff in the next. Thank God I have someone nice, now! Link to post Share on other sites
evagreten1 Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 One sign is when you start making ridiculously complicated excuses for him; i.e. maybe he tripped over on a fence and on the fence there was a smudge of lipstick from a stranger walking past a few days before and it accidentally brushed off his shirt collar and stayed there until I saw it and washed it. I.e. when the obvious is there in front of you and you are ignoring it. Another example: when a man doesn't tell people you are his girlfriend because 'he isn't that close with them' etc etc and all this nonsense, when it is obvious: he is not telling people because he is playing the field and doesn't take you seriously or has something to hide. THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS CLEAN AND SIMPLE. IT DOESN'T NEED ELABORATION, COMPLICATED EXPLANATIONS, TWISTED STORIES LIKE IN A SOAP OPERA. TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clipper412 Posted August 26, 2004 Author Share Posted August 26, 2004 for those confused.... lemme ask it a little better... lets say you have a signifigant other (bf / gf - husband or wife - whatever) and you 2 live together (so you see that person ALL THE TIME and think you know all their ins and outs) and you never once suspected or had a thought in your mind that anything bad was going on behind your back. then one day some total random stranger comes out of the woodworks to tell you your partner has been cheating on you.... for a signifigant amount of time also, not just a once or twice deal. what proof would you need to actually believe what this random person is telling you???? i hope that helps for those who were confused by my question,..... if it doesn't lemme know... thank you for the replies! i'm curious! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 Honesty. Come right out and ask. Tell them what that stranger told you and then wait for reaction. Really read the reaction. IF the answer is no, then you need to watch and find out what is really going on. Because why would a perfect stranger come up and say that? Link to post Share on other sites
evagreten1 Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 I wouldn't say anything to him straight away. If he is having an affair he will lie to you with a straight face - he has practice. Now that I have been alerted I would do two things. First, what are the motives of this person telling you - I mean, really look into the possible motives. there may be no evil ones, but you need to be aware that all people have motives for what they do, especially something like this. Second, you look for signs quietly and without telling him. You can't be together 24 hours a day, so look into his habits for a few days or weeks and see if you notice something you never noticed before. Take your time. If he has been having an affair, you WILL find some signs, don't worry about that part, that always comes easily (unfortunately) once your suspicion has been raised. When you find something and you tell him, LET HIM SPEAK. You still may be wrong, and you love him, so he deserves a chance. Don't worry, the truth always comes out in the end. And there's nothing like a woman on a snooping mission; she will find anything, even if it is hidden in Fort Knox. Link to post Share on other sites
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