Husband cheated. Said he doesn't love me. I'm still with him.

[Falkenstein]

My husband cheated on me with a 20 year old girl from a store he works at. It lasted 3 weeks. Went on right in front of me. Literally was texting her when I was standing nxt to him. She ended it because she did t want to be a reason to end a marriage. He confessed everything to me. And said if she didn't end it. He would still be seeing her. Didn't think of my feelings. He admitted he doesn't love me. And can't find anything about me he still likes. We've been married for 5 years. Together 8. We have two kids. Married young. I was 20 he was 23. We had our first kid when I was 18 and 21. We have had sex since I found out all this despite him telling me he didn't love me. I don't know what to do? I love him but I'm not loved.. And it hurts. Should I start looking elsewhere in case he wants a divorce. Should I leave for a while? I have no idea what. My heart feels like a truck ran over it. Now every time he is gone I wonder if he's seeing someone else.

[harrybrown]

Try reading up on the 180. It helps you to detach.

 

This is a horrible way to be treated. Have you gone to counseling?

 

If your H does not help you heal, you are in for an even worse experience.

 

You should talk to an attorney and see about your options.

 

Did your H use protection? Has he been tested for stds?

 

I am sorry you are going thru this experience.

 

I would suggest that you start the divorce proceedings. He is not sorry and is not helping you at all.

[TaraMaiden]

Cut to the essential.

Look after you and your kids.

Pack his bags and tell him to go.

You're not a sex object to be used to take his sexual frustration out on.

You're his wife.

But if there's no love there from him, put that aside for now, be practical and do the right thing for yourself and your kids.

 

File for divorce.

 

God I would have torn him a new azzhole by now, and junked him to the kerb!

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

He admitted he doesn't love me. And can't find anything about me he still likes. We've been married for 5 years. Together 8. We have two kids.

 

 

I love him but I'm not loved.

 

 

Should I start looking elsewhere in case he wants a divorce. Should I leave for a while?

 

 

 

Start preparing for divorce. Even if you don't want to do it, it's clear that he may. It's better to be prepared. Go get a consultation with an attorney as to how a divorce likely would play out financially and custody-wise, and don't tell your husband about it.

 

 

Why do you want to stay married to him? What is your financial situation like? How long ago did this happen? He sounds pretty cruel. What is it about him that you love at this point?

 

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation. If you have someplace to go, maybe it will be better for you to leave for awhile to a place where you can get some emotional support, like your parents or a sibling or close friend. Or maybe he should leave. Do your parents or his parents know what happened?

[tiredofitall2]

My husband cheated on me with a 20 year old girl from a store he works at. It lasted 3 weeks. Went on right in front of me. Literally was texting her when I was standing nxt to him. She ended it because she did t want to be a reason to end a marriage. He confessed everything to me. And said if she didn't end it. He would still be seeing her. Didn't think of my feelings. He admitted he doesn't love me. And can't find anything about me he still likes. We've been married for 5 years. Together 8. We have two kids. Married young. I was 20 he was 23. We had our first kid when I was 18 and 21. We have had sex since I found out all this despite him telling me he didn't love me. I don't know what to do? I love him but I'm not loved.. And it hurts. Should I start looking elsewhere in case he wants a divorce. Should I leave for a while? I have no idea what. My heart feels like a truck ran over it. Now every time he is gone I wonder if he's seeing someone else.

 

Sorry to hear what happened.

 

What you need to figure out is whether or not you want to save your marriage. If this betrayal is something you can overcome. What he has said or done you shouldn't be worried about. It is wayward souse babble and it is straight out of the wayward script. "i love you, but I'm not in love with you" "I never loved you" "I married for the wrong reasons" etc, etc...

 

This is what people say when they are hit by the "affair fog" The affair for is nothing, but the rush you get when you "fall in love" Just like an irrational teenager falls in love and won't listen to the parents and males stupid decisions that later in life he regrets.

 

90% of waywards repent and are sorry for what they did once the spouse kicks them out and moves on. Especially when the BS (betrayed spouse) finds someone new after D.

They realize what they lost, the family, the kids, the warm feeling of home and they want their "boring life" back more than anything in the world.

 

Knowledge is power, so knowing this you can save the M and have him come back to you crawling and make sure he never does it again, which is key. First understand how affairs work. Search affaircare / disloyal fog in google.

 

People have said to do a 180. That is true, don't be mean, but firm. He's the one who messed up. Don't act in a way that gives him justification. So be a great woman and mother, but don't let him walk over you.

 

No more sex! Don't let him use you. That is called cake eating, all this will enable is him finding another girl and doing it gain. Don't allow it.

 

Go through the motions as if you wanted him out of your life and you wanted a D. Only take him back if he comes begging and pleading and commits to a plan of recovery that includes MC and IC. (Marriage Counseling/Individual Counseling).

 

He loves you and your family, but yes, he fell in love with this girl. And as your parents told you when you were a teenager "you don't know what love is" is true in this case. He's just following the chemical rush the brain produces when you engage in an affair. In other words, he is listening to his "little head"

 

Please, above all. Don't allow him to "cake eat"!!!!! Don't condone his behavior.

 

Can you kick him out? Could he go to a family member's house? Start working on a parenting plan that mirrors what it will be like if you D. See the kids every other weekend etc.

[peruano99]

You two are in your mid 20's and he cheated for a twenty year old girl? What a horrible man.

[Arieswoman]

His behaviour is abyssmal and no-one deserves to be treated like this.

 

Stop having sex with him and ask him to leave. You need time to sort yourself out and stay strong for the kids.

 

I would get advice from a solicitor/attorney as to what your options are, but be prepared to file for divorce.

 

Good Luck.

[experiencethedevine]

All of the above.

 

 

It is time to put yourself and your children first.

 

 

Your husband deserves a heft whack in the balls frankly. His behaviour is abysmal and you are worthy of so much more than to be treated in such a dreadful and disgusting manner. What an absolute pig.

[Spark1111]

please tell your H you are sorry he no longer loves you because now he has to go.

 

pack his bags, change the locks and wish him well in his search for love whether that be his fAP or a new person.

 

tell him you will not interfere with his relationship with his children, but YOU INTEND to find a man who loves, cherishes and wants to sexually ravage and romance you!

 

you are sorry it is not him, but life IS short so he needs to be going.

 

you will exchange the children every other weekend until the divorce lawyers sort it all out.

 

Buh bye darling....then do not pick up the phone. if you absolutely have to...be joyful, busy, on your way to something fun....and get off the phone as soon as possible.

 

I KNOW you are hurting....but if you do not respect yourself NOW after this atrocious behavior on his part.....he NEVER will.

[scatterd]

I am so sorry to hear what your going through. I know how painful that is to hear them words. You need to see an attorney and try to get over him. He does not deserve your love nor your caring.The 180 will help but know him doing this has nothing to do with you its a problem with him. If he did not do this with this girl it would have been someone else. Sounds like he needs to hear how great he is. He will regret this one day but remember you deserve better. Having to wonder what your husband is doing when hes not home is no way to live. Big Hugs