I found a second phone

[longjourney]

It happened!! Just what I was trying to prepare myself for, but I don't think you can ever be prepared. I was home today by myself, he was at work. I found the phone in the top corner of his closet inside his shoe, the charger was in the other shoe. I don't know what made me snoop, but I did. There is only ONE number in the call history and it goes back for about a month, but then the history on the phone just recycles. Does that mean it goes back further possibly, or maybe he just got this phone a month ago. I did not call the number because I am scared and I also don't want my WH knowing that I found it.

 

I did call the MOW's BH. We spoke for about five minutes. He told me that they have been discussing divorce so he wouldn't be surprised if they have been talking. Horribly enough he did not sound like he cared. If truth be known I am jealous of his calm demeanor. I wish I was him and not me, who is crumbling inside.

 

I feel like my world is ending AGAIN. Even though I wasn't sure which direction I was going to go, now I feel sick. All my fears and doubts are real. Everything you kind people have tried to talk me out of (WH loving the OW, WH not ever loving me, me gut screaming that something was wrong) are in fact a reality.

 

I had my sister come get my kids and I have just been sitting here all day. My WH called me and I just let it go to VM. He has called 3 times, I will have to answer soon, or he will know something is up, but I don't have the strength.

[RightThere]

I used call block on my phone and dialed some of the numbers I found on my STBXW's phone.

 

A couple of dudes answered and I just asked for a random person. Oops. Sorry. Wrong number.

 

But it let me know she was calling other guys and not whatever sorry excuse she was going to make up when confronted.

 

The red flags are everywhere on this. You know what is going on. You can confront him, but know that he will deny and make up more lies. I would actually say nothing but begin your exit. You need to get far away.

 

And I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. Betrayal cuts deep. But stay strong and keep posting as we'll support you.

[Snowflower]

If I were you, I would call the number on the phone you found. Block your number if you wish when you make the call.

 

You will feel better when you take matters into your own hands and find out the truth for yourself. Don't wait for your H to try to explain. Trust me, you will feel better when you discover these truths for yourself. You might feel a bit empowered.

[painfullyobvious]

Your husband is probably calling you because the OW's husband probably got off the phone with you and railed at his wife that he received a call from you. She relayed that you called her husband to your husband and is going to attempt damage control. He has some time to come up with excuses. Call that number on the cell phone and find some answers before he gets home and appears to have all the answers.

 

Sorry about this

[beach]

It's time to pack a bag for your cheating H and tell him to go (anywhere but there).

 

For me? I didn't even need to exert the effort for a conversation with him - I dint intend to listen to any MORE of his lies - I simply told him he wasn't welcome home any longer and his bag was by the front door.

 

He knew it was over - anything he could have said would have made no difference to me - I was done with his treating me as his second choice.

[tiredofitall2]

It happened!! Just what I was trying to prepare myself for, but I don't think you can ever be prepared. I was home today by myself, he was at work. I found the phone in the top corner of his closet inside his shoe, the charger was in the other shoe. I don't know what made me snoop, but I did. There is only ONE number in the call history and it goes back for about a month, but then the history on the phone just recycles. Does that mean it goes back further possibly, or maybe he just got this phone a month ago. I did not call the number because I am scared and I also don't want my WH knowing that I found it.

 

I did call the MOW's BH. We spoke for about five minutes. He told me that they have been discussing divorce so he wouldn't be surprised if they have been talking. Horribly enough he did not sound like he cared. If truth be known I am jealous of his calm demeanor. I wish I was him and not me, who is crumbling inside.

 

I feel like my world is ending AGAIN. Even though I wasn't sure which direction I was going to go, now I feel sick. All my fears and doubts are real. Everything you kind people have tried to talk me out of (WH loving the OW, WH not ever loving me, me gut screaming that something was wrong) are in fact a reality.

 

I had my sister come get my kids and I have just been sitting here all day. My WH called me and I just let it go to VM. He has called 3 times, I will have to answer soon, or he will know something is up, but I don't have the strength.

 

LJ, I thought from your other thread your Hs affair was established. Of course you will find evidence of the A. It is what happened. I would be concerned if he had this second phone with him.

 

My understanding from your posts is that the A is over and he wants to reconcile with you. Am I correct?

[longjourney]

LJ, I thought from your other thread your Hs affair was established. Of course you will find evidence of the A. It is what happened. I would be concerned if he had this second phone with him.

 

My understanding from your posts is that the A is over and he wants to reconcile with you. Am I correct?

 

Yes he has been telling me he wants to R. DDay was MONTHS ago. He has sworn he has not been in contact with OW since then, my mind could not wrap my gut around that considering their LTA and history. I even asked him point blank at one point if he had another cellphone, he assured me over and over that he didn't.

 

The history on the second phone is as recent as yesterday. There was a 3 minute conversation. He has been lying to me. I just don't understand why. I told him after DDay that he was free to go be with her. He said no, he begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance.

 

As far as the OW's BH, telling the OW that we spoke, I don't believe he would do that. He assured me he wouldn't say a word, especially since I was not sure of my next step. The BH is on the road to D, he said that to me before I even mentioned the second phone. He said he has been putting together a plan that is best for his kids for a while now. I don't see him giving her the heads up. I think my WH was just calling me, checking in, doing what I expect of him so he doesn't cause any suspicion or waves.

 

I made an emergency IC appointment for tomorrow. I just don't see any way out of this except for a D. Am I being too hasty? Obviously he broke NC, but should I give him another chance? I don't want to ever feel like I didn't give it my all, and to be honest the knowledge that the OW will get him is driving me insane. How pathetic is that???

[harrybrown]

If he wanted his chance, he should have never contacted her again.

 

File for divorce. Get him out of your life. He blew his first and second chance.

 

Set yourself free.

[Realist3]

It's over. For your own sanity just move on.

[Realist3]

I read through your back story. Move on. You two were not meant to be together. No amount of counseling is going to change that.

[aliveagain]

If you decide on further forgiveness, get him to agree to a post nuptial agreement giving up most of his assets if you divorce because of a new infidelity. If he doesn't understand the loss of family perhaps he will understand the loss of his assets. What he is doing is by his conscious choice, they are deceiving you, one of you has to go because a marriage with tree people doesn't work. He needs to be put out of the house so he can feel what his life without you and the children will be like. Why not turn the phone on at bedtime and dial it once your in bed, have some fun with him.

[tiredofitall2]

Yes he has been telling me he wants to R. DDay was MONTHS ago. He has sworn he has not been in contact with OW since then, my mind could not wrap my gut around that considering their LTA and history. I even asked him point blank at one point if he had another cellphone, he assured me over and over that he didn't.

 

The history on the second phone is as recent as yesterday. There was a 3 minute conversation. He has been lying to me. I just don't understand why. I told him after DDay that he was free to go be with her. He said no, he begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance.

 

As far as the OW's BH, telling the OW that we spoke, I don't believe he would do that. He assured me he wouldn't say a word, especially since I was not sure of my next step. The BH is on the road to D, he said that to me before I even mentioned the second phone. He said he has been putting together a plan that is best for his kids for a while now. I don't see him giving her the heads up. I think my WH was just calling me, checking in, doing what I expect of him so he doesn't cause any suspicion or waves.

 

I made an emergency IC appointment for tomorrow. I just don't see any way out of this except for a D. Am I being too hasty? Obviously he broke NC, but should I give him another chance? I don't want to ever feel like I didn't give it my all, and to be honest the knowledge that the OW will get him is driving me insane. How pathetic is that???

 

Unfortunately, affairs are hard to break, but if he doesn't you need to move on. That is on him. No one can tell you how long to weather the storm, only you know that. If you allow him to cake eat he will continue to do so. So you need to set a strategy in place that will scare him to the point of never, ever considering contact with the OW.

 

He has 3 options. Leave and go with OW

Stay with you and never contact OW

Or stay with you as he lies to you and has his cake and eats it too.

 

You have the power to take option 3 away from him.

 

You can file for D and not necessarily go through it, but it will definitely start putting you in a better position. If he doesn't change drastically you can always finish the D process.

[Spark1111]

Text the pre-paid cell from his phone....something desperate and romantic....and see your response.

[beach]

Yes he has been telling me he wants to R. DDay was MONTHS ago. He has sworn he has not been in contact with OW since then, my mind could not wrap my gut around that considering their LTA and history. I even asked him point blank at one point if he had another cellphone, he assured me over and over that he didn't.

 

The history on the second phone is as recent as yesterday. There was a 3 minute conversation. He has been lying to me. I just don't understand why. I told him after DDay that he was free to go be with her. He said no, he begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance.

 

As far as the OW's BH, telling the OW that we spoke, I don't believe he would do that. He assured me he wouldn't say a word, especially since I was not sure of my next step. The BH is on the road to D, he said that to me before I even mentioned the second phone. He said he has been putting together a plan that is best for his kids for a while now. I don't see him giving her the heads up. I think my WH was just calling me, checking in, doing what I expect of him so he doesn't cause any suspicion or waves.

 

I made an emergency IC appointment for tomorrow. I just don't see any way out of this except for a D. Am I being too hasty? Obviously he broke NC, but should I give him another chance? I don't want to ever feel like I didn't give it my all, and to be honest the knowledge that the OW will get him is driving me insane. How pathetic is that???

 

Another chance for what? MORE cheating? NOOOOOO!!!

 

I vote no MORE chances! He's not taken the chances you've given him to change!

 

He's still the cheater! You can't repair the M while he's still focused on her.

[whichwayisup]

Hey, keep ignoring him. Tomorrow call your lawyer and officially file for divorce. Call that number or leave a text saying "I just filed for divorce.. He's all yours..you two deserve one another."

 

Really, not joking, do it.

 

There's no point in trying to salvage or attempt to fix your marriage, your H has no desire to rid of his OW or end his affair. He's lying, cheating and betraying you....He is NOT the man you married, and he isn't worth it.

 

I usually tell people to fight for their marriages, give a second chance to WS, but in your case, I can't advocate that because he's not remorseful, he's cruel, he's an ass.hole and you deserve better.

 

Sorry for your pain, please do continue with counseling! Don't let this ahole ruin you, you've done nothing wrong!

[CarrieT]

hey, keep ignoring him. Tomorrow call your lawyer and officially file for divorce. Call that number or leave a text saying "i just filed for divorce.. He's all yours..you two deserve one another."

 

really, not joking, do it.

^^^ this ^^^

[ChooseTruth]

YEah this whole thing needs to be blow wide open if you haven't done it already.

 

You are done, divorcing, you tell all your family why, +his, etc.

 

This secret can't go on without consequences. If he makes some amazing mind blowing change maybe consider it...but right now there's absolutely no trusting him. Talking with him is a waste of time it sounds like. You can't fix something when all you get are lies.

[beach]

And expose to all family!

 

Call it what it is without sugar coating it for him!

 

Have you heard from him yet?

[KathyM]

Unfortunately, it appears your WS is continuing the affair, and his attempts to reconcile with you are not sincere. It's time he learned the consequences of his infidelity, and that he really can't string along both women. I agree with the other posters who are saying it's time to pack his bags and file for divorce.

[dreamingoftigers]

After the sheer Hell he's out you through for years....

He deserves no more chances.

 

After you scrape you self-esteem together (because you sound like me, it kicks you down REALLY hard) put your plan together and go.

[crederer]

I'm sorry but I really don't see how there can be any explanation for him having a secret phone hidden in his shoe in his closet.

 

I haven't read your other posts but this sounds like a really terrible marriage.....

[beach]

I'm sorry but I really don't see how there can be any explanation for him having a secret phone hidden in his shoe in his closet.

 

I haven't read your other posts but this sounds like a really terrible marriage.....

 

The explanation is that he uses it to continue communicating with his OW.

 

Ya, a M seems terrible when one half is continuing to lie and cheat - all while pretending the A has ended! The cheater is to blame for that.

[crederer]

The explanation is that he uses it to continue communicating with his OW.

 

Ya, a M seems terrible when one half is continuing to lie and cheat - all while pretending the A has ended! The cheater is to blame for that.

 

Huh? I think you misunderstood what I was saying (or maybe I misunderstood what you're getting at) but that is pretty much exactly the point I was driving at.

[longjourney]

After the sheer Hell he's out you through for years....

He deserves no more chances.

 

After you scrape you self-esteem together (because you sound like me, it kicks you down REALLY hard) put your plan together and go.

 

Good morning everyone. Thank you so much for listening and giving me your words of inspiration. I had a horrible night, barely slept. To try and catch you all up I did finally answer WH calls yesterday and I did not mention the phone. He told me he was worried if I was okay. I told him I had fallen asleep, took a nap. I wrote down the number so I do have a copy incase he erases the history. I don't want to tip my hand yet. If the OW were to get a hang up on that phone or anything else I think she/he would be suspicious. I put the phone back but I turned it upside down, so I could tell if it had been moved, which surprisingly it was last night when I was in the shower.I think it was fate that I happened to find the phone yesterday because many of the other times he has been in contact with her was when he was at work, so why did he leave it home yesterday? His error and my gut SCREAMING at me led to the discovery yesterday. The perfect storm.

 

So I told him last night after my shower that I would be taking our son to my sisters for Thanksgiving (my step daughter will be with her Mom anyway). I told him the reason was just that I needed a break and I wanted to be with my family. He gave me a sob story about not wanting to be away from us on Thanksgiving. When he said that it took all my strength to keep it together. I told him he should go to his family and I will see him the next day, I will sleep over at my sister's house. I blamed it all on my and my depression, which he knows I have been going through. I want to see if he uses that phone while he is at Thanksgiving dinner. He didn't question me much further.

 

Now I need to figure out what I'm doing. I am keeping my distance, but I want him to feel a little bit what his future holidays will be like without us. I know I could tell him, I know I could force his hand, but in the back of my mind I will be second guessing if me finding the phone and making demands would be the reason he would say he wants to stay in the M. It needs to be his internal decision, he has to figure this one out. I will continue to monitor the phone, I don't know how often he leaves it there, but I guess I will figure that out.

 

I am so sad and Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but if I am true to myself, I was already truly sad and in the dumps BEFORE I found the second phone, but now I feel sad AND stupid.

[Grumpybutfun]

Good morning everyone. Thank you so much for listening and giving me your words of inspiration. I had a horrible night, barely slept. To try and catch you all up I did finally answer WH calls yesterday and I did not mention the phone. He told me he was worried if I was okay. I told him I had fallen asleep, took a nap. I wrote down the number so I do have a copy incase he erases the history. I don't want to tip my hand yet. If the OW were to get a hang up on that phone or anything else I think she/he would be suspicious. I put the phone back but I turned it upside down, so I could tell if it had been moved, which surprisingly it was last night when I was in the shower.I think it was fate that I happened to find the phone yesterday because many of the other times he has been in contact with her was when he was at work, so why did he leave it home yesterday? His error and my gut SCREAMING at me led to the discovery yesterday. The perfect storm.

 

So I told him last night after my shower that I would be taking our son to my sisters for Thanksgiving (my step daughter will be with her Mom anyway). I told him the reason was just that I needed a break and I wanted to be with my family. He gave me a sob story about not wanting to be away from us on Thanksgiving. When he said that it took all my strength to keep it together. I told him he should go to his family and I will see him the next day, I will sleep over at my sister's house. I blamed it all on my and my depression, which he knows I have been going through. I want to see if he uses that phone while he is at Thanksgiving dinner. He didn't question me much further.

 

Now I need to figure out what I'm doing. I am keeping my distance, but I want him to feel a little bit what his future holidays will be like without us. I know I could tell him, I know I could force his hand, but in the back of my mind I will be second guessing if me finding the phone and making demands would be the reason he would say he wants to stay in the M. It needs to be his internal decision, he has to figure this one out. I will continue to monitor the phone, I don't know how often he leaves it there, but I guess I will figure that out.

 

I am so sad and Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but if I am true to myself, I was already truly sad and in the dumps BEFORE I found the second phone, but now I feel sad AND stupid.

 

What exactly are you doing? Why would you want a man like this? Why would you give him any further chances? I read your other thread and I think you are trying to put a bandaid on a gaping bazooka wound. He is a cheater and he doesn't respect you or your marriage. He needs to pack a bag and leave your family home because he didn't keep his word. I would have never let that phone out of my sight. He would have been gone when he came home from work last night. You don't need a plan...he needs a plan because you should be kicking him out and filing for divorce.

He is making you depressed and feeling stupid...he needs to go and you need to move on to something better and more honest in your life. You and your children deserve to be out of the drama.

Move on,

Grumps