How to deal with being alone after being left.

[SoAlone88]

My ex left me for another woman. I have been trying to come to terms with being alone and its hard. I have a son and most men do not want to date a woman with kids. That knocks about 85% of the dating pool for me. Especially with men my age (25). So my options are only dating men who are divorced and have kids who are likely 10yrs + older than me or waiting until I'm in my mid 30's - early 40's when men my age start divorcing. Neither of those sound appealing. On top of that, I am very socially awkward. Borderline autistic. So that alone makes it hard to date and meet men. I am also not very attractive ( please don't try to convince me otherwise. Some people are just not blessed in the looks department. Looks do matter and this is the truth).

 

 

 

I have been trying to get used to being lonely as far as intimacy and relationships go. It is very hard. I want to feel loved again. I want to be touched again. I'm tired of people telling me I shouldn't need or want this. Wanting love and affection is human nature. I would even go as far as to say its a human need and my son, friends, or hobbies won't replace that. Seeing happy couple break my heart. Seeing my ex happy with the lady he left me for is gut wrenching. It's just so unfair.

Edited November 21, 2013 by SoAlone88

[RightThere]

Well you can come on these boards anytime and plenty of people will be your friend.

 

It's a lot to deal with when you find yourself a single mom and alone, but know that you are not.

 

Try to get out to activities, with your son and without. You don't need to meet people at first, but just being out with other people will help you feel better.

[SoAlone88]

Thank you for the help but as I said, I have friends and hobbies. I want a relationship with a man. Someone to share my life with. A partner. Someone to hold me when I feel down and to celebrate with me when something good happens.

[Snipercatt]

Thank you for the help but as I said, I have friends and hobbies. I want a relationship with a man. Someone to share my life with. A partner. Someone to hold me when I feel down and to celebrate with me when something good happens.

 

RightThere suggested that you engage in activities in order to meet people, including men.

 

If engaging in activities isn't working for you then what choices are available to you to meet men?

[harrybrown]

Sorry that you are going thru this tough experience.

 

It hurts and there is no way around it. So is your ex paying child support at least? I hope so.

 

You can meet men at most any place, but it does help if you both have something in common. Try getting out there in some club or hobby that you like. Some can meet sailing. Some at a church function.

 

I am sure that some meet online, and women have the advantage on many sites.

 

Do you have family close by to help you? Take good care of your child. They will need you to help them with the split.

 

Wishing you a better tomorrow.

[RightThere]

Thank you for the help but as I said, I have friends and hobbies. I want a relationship with a man. Someone to share my life with. A partner. Someone to hold me when I feel down and to celebrate with me when something good happens.

 

If you "need" this, then you're not fixed yet from your previous relationship. Don't assume this will make you feel better than you are today. Once you are complete I your own life and don't "need' someone to help you fill it, that's when someone else will notice and say "She's got it together. I'd like to spend time with her."

[jnel921]

Thank you for the help but as I said, I have friends and hobbies. I want a relationship with a man. Someone to share my life with. A partner. Someone to hold me when I feel down and to celebrate with me when something good happens.

 

 

You need to relax and take a minute. I too was alone with my children at 27 years old and enjoyed the company of many men thereafter and finally remarried 7 years later.

 

It takes time and you shouldn't rush just because you need to feel validated. Go to IC and work on loving yourself first.

 

Stop focusing on your ex and his new R. Focus on yourself.

[Steadfast]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and desired. It is normal (need is normal). It's important, but critical that we achieve balance first.

 

Attraction is a curious thing. Example, some years ago I recall telling friends that xxxx was the most beautiful girl I'd ever known. Many, if not most (males and females) responded by saying they thought the girl I dated before was much prettier. I couldn't see that and couldn't agree because I was so completely into her. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

How long have you been split? This is important because you must allow yourself to heal. Men and women can and do pick up on feelings of desperation/loneliness and frankly, it isn't attractive. I've been there. The fear for many is you want a replacement for the person you lost, instead of being into them for who they are. It's a valid concern. Avoid this trap!

 

Like women, many men (me included) are attracted to confidence and strength. Why? Because sincerity is sexy. When a man knows a woman is interested in him who is mentally and emotionally together, he trusts she's being sincere. She doesn't need him...she wants him. Grrr. That's sexy.

 

No one wants the responsibility of someone elses happiness.

 

Approaching 30, the odds of having children are heavily slanted. The right man will not see your motherhood as a roadblock. Better put, his desire for you will be stronger than his concerns regarding your past. For now, work on rejecting envy/bitterness towards your ex and strive to be fulfilled by your passions and (non-romantic) relationships. When you're ready, book yourself a makeover to make you feel more sexy and attractive. Let the light inside shine through. This is what attracts the right kind of man.

[Clay]

Time is on your side. Take this time to figure out what you really want in life. Go make new friends. Do things you would not normally. Spend time with your family.

 

Listen to music.

 

This is what helped me the most.

 

Life does get better.

 

Clay

[mikecr50]

Have you tried any online dating? I know its a mine field, believe me I know! But it can be good practice. I think a lot of women are afraid to intiate contact- don't be one of those women.

[yellowmaverick]

My ex left me for another woman. I have been trying to come to terms with being alone and its hard. I have a son and most men do not want to date a woman with kids. That knocks about 85% of the dating pool for me. Especially with men my age (25). So my options are only dating men who are divorced and have kids who are likely 10yrs + older than me or waiting until I'm in my mid 30's - early 40's when men my age start divorcing. Neither of those sound appealing. On top of that, I am very socially awkward. Borderline autistic. So that alone makes it hard to date and meet men. I am also not very attractive ( please don't try to convince me otherwise. Some people are just not blessed in the looks department. Looks do matter and this is the truth).

 

 

I have been trying to get used to being lonely as far as intimacy and relationships go. It is very hard. I want to feel loved again. I want to be touched again. I'm tired of people telling me I shouldn't need or want this. Wanting love and affection is human nature. I would even go as far as to say its a human need and my son, friends, or hobbies won't replace that. Seeing happy couple break my heart. Seeing my ex happy with the lady he left me for is gut wrenching. It's just so unfair.

 

Hi SoAlone. First, most of us on the infidelity forum have been in your shoes. Even many of the ones who have reconciled have felt overwhelming loneliness after d-day. I am starting over after 27 years of being with my cheating husband, so I get how difficult it is.

 

Secondly, don't focus on your ex and his mistress (and, BTW, she is NO lady). They are not worth your time and energy. You cannot control what they have done or are doing, so don't waste your time. Put your time into what you CAN control. As difficult as it is, you need to just get out there. I understand that hobbies cannot replace a romantic relationship, but they are a start. I have met many eligible men through my professional interests and hobbies, and I am not even looking. I have found that volunteer work has been a huge help. Find an organization that will interest you - helping others really gets your mind off of the craziness of it all.

 

SoAlone - as difficult as this is, you must TRY to create a new life. If you agonize over the unfairness of it all, you will stay stuck.

 

Infidelity sucks, but life goes on.

[tiredofitall2]

Thank you for the help but as I said, I have friends and hobbies. I want a relationship with a man. Someone to share my life with. A partner. Someone to hold me when I feel down and to celebrate with me when something good happens.

 

Change your life, get into a gym and buy a bunch of supplements. Change your body and "become" more attractive, but do it for you!

[bubbaganoosh]

I think the best thing to do right now is taking a step back and get your feet back on the ground. Until that time comes around, a relationship won't work.

 

I can't tell you how many time I have posted this. There is a difference between being alone and lonely. If your mindset is on negative you can be in a room full of people and be lonely. You have your son and he needs you. Also it seems that you haven't gotten over your husband yet and that can make you vulnerable and there are guys out there who pick up on that.

 

They will give you all the lip service you want with a ton of shallow flattery and promises just to get their hands warm and then cut out on you in a heartbeat. Don't make that mistake especially with kids involved. Take care and good luck to you.

[SoAlone88]

Change your life, get into a gym and buy a bunch of supplements. Change your body and "become" more attractive, but do it for you!

My most unattractive feature is my face. Short of plastic surgery, there is nothing to be done. Makeup doesn't help either.

 

I am biracial black/white. I have an epicanthic fold ( most assiciated with asians ) and small eyelids. I have asian looking eyes but my other facial features do not look asian. The result is a very mixed matched face. I am not crapping on asian facial features. I think they are quite gorgeous. But not on me. It does look weird and it makes me look I have some type of genetic syndrome to be quite honest. People have also thought I had some tpe of genetic abnormality before too ( a couple of people thought I had downs ) so I know it is not in my head.

 

I also have a ton of freckles all over my face and body. in some areas the freckles are so tightly packed together it looks like a large birthmark. I have thought about getting the freckles removed and having the fold on my eyelids cut but it cost too much money. I would also feel phoney.