Ended 4-year Affair with Prostitute; Feeling Empty

[feelinglost29]

** I originally posted this in the Breaks and Breaking Up Forum but someone suggested this forum may be more approriate. If you're interested you can see there the responses I've received. I am truly looking for advice and help.**

 

 

I found these forums after looking all over for a place to share my story in the hopes that it will give me some peace and maybe find someone else that has had something similar happen in their lives to share with.

 

I'll start by letting you know that I used to frequent massage parlors, maybe every couple months, just to have fun. I suppose I liked them because there was no attachment; it was a simple transaction where no real feelings were expected or shown. I am a married man and never wanted to do anything that could come back to my family. I never wanted to carry on an affair, I wanted to have my fun and be on my way. About four years ago I visited a massage parlor and met a beautiful woman and we somehow hit it off. She asked that I come back to see her again, which I did pretty much every other day for about six months. It was very odd; she gave me her phone number and was more intimate that any woman in those places ever are however I refused to phone/text her and would just see her there. While this continued on, I was slowly falling in love with her but always fell back to the fact that she was a prostitute and we had nothing in common except for the sex. Slowly our relationship evolved and I began texting her. We texted daily, but, there was always an obvious wall because of what she did for a living. I never asked or pressured her to stop, I did not think that was my place. Then after six months she tells me that she can't work at that type of place anymore and only wants to be with me. She understood that I was married and that I wasn't going to leave my wife... She told me that all she wanted was to see me and stop prostituting herself. Again, she came to this decision on her own.

 

At first we would see each other in a small hotel close to where she lives. We would see each other three times a week. This continued on for about another four months and I brought up that maybe I could rent a place for her (she lived with her daughter and brother) and we could see each other there instead. She found a two bedroom house, big enough for her to use as a studio for her "normal" work. I paid everything. I felt happier that I would also be helping her in her normal work and she would have a normal career. I gave her an extra $1500 per month so she could pay all the bills and have no reason to go back to her previous life -- it's important to say here that I have substantial means and I was in no way depriving my family to pay these things.

 

Things for about 3 years seemed great. I would see her three times a week, I bought her extravagant gifts and gave her that extra money (a few hundred every couple months) to help her with clothes or expenses. We began to have unprotected sex and I assumed she was true to me - as hypocritical as that sounds coming from a married man. I will say that intimacy with my wife was non-existent - we had become best friends but I was in love with someone else. During these three years I fell completely head-over-heals in love with the new woman. We would text 20-30 times a day, she was the first person I would say good morning to and the last person I would say goodnight to. This feeling didn't diminish over the years, it grew stronger. Over the past couple years I began to contemplated leaving my wife, but the thought of my new girl being a former prostitute always pulled me back just enough to hold off on doing anything with my wife. I felt that eventually I would be forced to choose my wife/family or the other woman; in my heart I knew that I would choose the other woman but was hoping I wouldn't be forced to make that choice (yes, I know how selfish that sounds).

 

My world came crashing back to reality on January 23, 2011. We were lying in bed and she was showing me her new cellphone. I was showing her some apps and a text came in. I nonchalantly opened the text, to show her how she can respond with her voice instead of typing, when I read the text that had my heart stop. The text read "Now is not a good time for work, too many customers looking for latina girls and they may be police". My first reaction was to ignore it, like it didn't happen. She was literally reading the same text with me and as the seconds passed by heart pounded and I began to shake. I got angry and demanded an explanation. She cried and we talked and talked and talked. Her explanation was that she needed more money and had only been doing this for two months, maybe three or four times. She swore she was done with it. I understood, in a very odd way. Who was I to make demands on her, the same demands that I was scared to death she would ultimately make on me! I accepted it had happened and we decided to work through it. She promised and swore up and down that this would never happen again and she would be true to me. For my part, I told her I would give her $1000 more a month and I would prefer to give her any amount of money to keep her from doing that again. She said she understood and again promised that she would never prostitute herself again, no matter what.

 

Over the next two weeks I tried to give her everything that I could. I texted her constantly and told her I was going to find a larger nicer house for us. You see, now she was living with her daughter again (who is three months pregnant) and I knew that the small place we rented wasn't big or nice enough. She started moving quickly toward looking for an office for her business (not the prostitution) and I offered to pay that rent as well and help or completely pay the move-in costs (mind you, we are talking about $10,000 move-in and another $1500 per month). Again, I kept telling her that I will do anything to keep her on the right path; I truly loved her and wanted that for her. On February 7th she closed another door to her past by changing her cell phone number (her idea, to keep those people from her past from contacting her again). I still didn't completely trust her but I wanted to. I hoped that time would heal the wound and we would be okay.

 

This morning, while she was walking her daughter out of the house, I decided to look in her drawer in the bedroom. I found a new cell phone. I told her that I had to use the bathroom and I took the new phone into the bathroom to see what I would find. I found several texts to three different men telling them she got a new cell phone number and that they can now contact her on this number. I found one guy who gave her an address to his house which said, "see you Saturday at noon". It was hard to push the buttons because I was shaking so hard. I immediately went into the bedroom holding the new phone and confronted her. We spent the next three hours talking. She now admitted to working at the massage parlors for over a year now and she was planning on seeing certain "high paying" customers outside. She admitted to seeing one of the customers just six days ago at his house. The entire two weeks where I had just forgiven her was a sham. We talked and talked about how we could move forward but there was just no way. The only way we could move forward would be for me to accept her as a prostitute again and deal with it. I don't think I can move backward, once I'm in love, I don't think I could readily switch that off and think of her as just a girl to have fun with - and, I don't think that she would want that to come from me either. I felt lost. I told her that we need time and I would text her in a month. She and I both knew that was our breakup.

 

This all happened this morning. Now I'm sitting here feeling empty and lost. I'm checking my phone every ten minutes looking for a text from her (who knows from which phone because she threw both phones and broke one)... I feel so betrayed but I miss her so much. Just now I wanted to text her to just ask, for the hundredth time today, why... What makes me feel even worse is that I know the painfully obvious irony that if my wife found out about my secrets she would feel pretty much the same way. I'm a double crappy person who's now heartbroken. I'm 40 years old, and I've been in a lot of relationships in my life, but I've never felt close to as empty and lost as I do here tonight. I can't eat, I can only think of her and my mind keeps going to thoughts of her with her customers. I just want to crawl into a dark corner and drink a bottle of vodka (I quit drinking five years ago). I know how hypocritical this all sounds, but please don't judge me for having the affair or being with prostitutes. I strongly believe in the saying that whatever happens to you, no matter how bad, is the best thing that could have happened to you. Maybe this will save my marriage, maybe my ex's true path is doing that work...

 

If you've read this I thank you and I hope you have something to give me to get me through this. I hope someone out there has experienced something similar and tell me something that I'm not thinking of. Was I right in doing what I did, either time? Am I being a hypocrite and should I accept her as a prostitute again, especially considering it's not a new thing? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and remind myself to keep breathing and time will heal my wounds - but don't go back to her?

 

Thank you all again.

[oooriotgrrrl]

This makes me really sad. Sad for you and sad for your wife and family. This woman has fully taken advantage of you and has lied to you repeatedly. It sounds like you two were close; however, it also sounds like she was very decietful and learned that if she told you what you wanted to hear, she could have her cake and eat it, too.

 

First, I'd accept that you can't trust her and move on. Simple as that. If you want to live in constant paranoia and dig yourself deeper into this mess, then stay with her.

 

Secondly, if you're unhappy in your marriage, you should leave. I know it is easier said than done. If you choose to stay with your wife, I think therapy (individual and couple's therapy) is necessary.

 

Good luck.

[lordWilhelm]

Was I right in doing what I did, either time? Am I being a hypocrite and should I accept her as a prostitute again, especially considering it's not a new thing? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and remind myself to keep breathing and time will heal my wounds - but don't go back to her?

 

This woman sensed your vulnerability and picked you out from the beginning.

 

I think it was wrong of you to get into this situation in the first place, and now you owe it to your family to start disentangling this mess.

 

But you don't talk very much about your wife here. How do you feel about her? For this affair to have gone on for so long and for you to be frequenting prostitutes shows that something is seriously amiss in your marriage.

[Afishwithabike]

Is this a work of fiction? A big part of me thinks you're making all this up. Surely no one can be this naive and foolish.

 

 

Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and remind myself to keep breathing and time will heal my wounds - but don't go back to her?

Have you ever heard the saying by Albert Einstein - "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different results."

 

Think about that quote. There's a lot of wisdom there.

[robf1971]

shows that something is seriously amiss in your marriage.

 

The fine art of understatement.

[CALOVELY]

Oh, the Karma. You gambled with your wife's heart, mind and life for 4 years for a hooker who proved to only be gambling with yours. I only feel sorry for your wife.

[feelinglost29]

This is not fiction, it is true and I am apparently that naive (something that I would never have believed was true before this). I don't mention my wife very much in this because the obvious betrayal and mess is sitting there - in the other break up forum someone said it was the white elephant in the room. I've also been beaten up pretty hard by everyone about my wife. While I appreciate that and I've already setup an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss me and my situation(s) and try to resolve whatever screw is/was loose in my brain, I'm hoping for some guidance or thoughts from someone that has experienced something (anything) similar.

 

I'd like to copy/paste something from over there about why I believed it was really love. It will follow this...

 

 

 

--- copy/paste below ---

 

 

I also think I need to define a little on why I called it "love". I didn't go into too much detail in my original post because I didn't want to make a novel out of it. Maybe in writing this I will see something different, so here I go.

 

Like I said before I had been to several prostitutes before I met this woman (even before I married my wife). The routine was fairly mechanical and devoid of any emotions, with any of them. It was purely sex then done. There was never kissing, never cuddling, never talking. The day I met this woman she walked in the room and gazed at me. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time, in the real world, and we had instant chemistry. It was odd and different from any other working girl I had ever been with. During the sex she reached for me to kiss her, a first ever in my experience. Each time I saw her after it grew and grew. Maybe around the fifth or sixth week she told me that she "loved me". I did not reciprocate, I was shocked. I knew what she was and knew that I had to keep my distance. She pushed me for unprotected sex, bringing in papers that she was disease free - I realize how pointless that is when she was continuing to work as as a prostitute after the tests. We continued like this for weeks. She told me that I did not have to pay for her, I insisted. The manager of the massage parlor would tell me that she would show up early for me (I was the first client of the day) and would sometimes leave right after, i.e. she came to only see me.

 

Ultimately on her own she told me that she wanted to stop working and only see me. This was on her own, I never pressured or even asked her to do that. When we saw eachother in the hotel, I never gave her a dollar. We would kiss passionately for thirty minutes, she bought me gifts, she cried about me being married and about how we met. She also introduced me to her brother, to her niece and to her daughter (about 17 at the time). She involved me in all of her personal life, like an open book. Now to me at this time I felt that she stopped being my prostitute and our relationship evolved to GF/BF. There was an enormous amount of passion, tears and talk. No money changed hands.

 

After a while I was the one to say let's get a place, not her. I went and looked and found a very nice apartment in a new building (very expensive). I asked her to look at it and she insisted on finding something cheaper, which she did. At that point when I paid the rent, again after 4 or 5 months of not giving her ANY money, I began to give her an additional $1000 per month with the rent (for bills). For over a year this was our place alone. I slowly let down my guard. It felt real - real enough that I almost left my wife. I never bought her anything expensive and I gave her very little money (just enough in my mind to get by).

 

About six months into our new place my guards were all down and now I was in full in-love take care of this girl mode. I gave her an additional $500 per month, I bought her very extravagant gifts. I discussed her plans to open a makeup school, I worked with her in every way to get her life in order. But again, the only money I gave her was rent and an additional $1500 for bills.

 

About a year and a half into our new place she wanted her daughter to move in there. I was silently reluctant but said, "sure". I would see her daughter (now around 19) and we would have long conversations. I would drive her and her daughter to work when they needed it. Her daughter had no idea how we met, or what her mother had done for a living, but knew that I was married. Which was painfully obvious because I only came at set times and never at night.

 

During the last year of our place together, we evolved to where we would lie in bed watching TV shows for most of our time together. Her daughter would ask me for advice and I was a part of their lives. In a sick way it felt to me like I had two families. At one point, about five months ago, I ran into a financial problem. Nothing major but I was being tugged in all directions for money, all at the same time. I cried about it to her. She offered to give me her savings ($50,000) to help me through it. I fell apart crying to her. Nobody had ever offered anything like this to me. I of course didn't accept her offer, and perhaps she knew that would be the case, but it felt so real and I felt so completely in love with her and she with me.

 

Then as my initial post stated, it all fell apart. And since then, I now know that she had been working again as a prostitute for at least a year. She told me that she did it because she thought I was having financial problems and she didn't want to take my money or always be my responsibility. Mind you, she always accepted the money and gifts without hesitation. I explained in detail my finances, explaining that I could afford the money I give her and I wanted to give her more. I just didn't want her doing prostitution again. She said she understood then deceived me again instantly.

 

So while everyone is saying that she was a gold digger prostitute, it didn't feel that way to me (at least not until the end). I feel like ironically she made the same type of disconnection I made with my wife with me. She would prostitute herself, cheating on me, but in her mind only for money. I was just as guilty. It almost felt like maybe we could make it work and grow old together in this odd relationship. I have my family she has her prostitution. We were both equally unfaithful to ourselves and our relationship. But I couldn't deal with that. I told her that I needed her to be faithful; even though I was not and maybe could not ever give her the same.

 

So that's why I felt it was love. Our relationship began as client/prostitute but changed. Of the four years we saw each other I paid her for sex for a few months. Afterwards, it was rent and extra money for expenses (and for the first year of that other place it was only a place for her and I to meet and have sex, she was still paying rent on another house for her daughter and brother).

 

Did I really see it wrong? Was there really no love there, ever, at all? If I didn't have a wife, or if I had left my wife right when I met her, how would you describe it?

 

I'd like to know. I'm now sitting here thinking maybe I should call her. I'm as much of a hypocrite and liar as she is.

[CALOVELY]

Are you planning on telling your wife that you have had unprotected sex with prostitutes for 4 years and that her life could be in danger? :mad:

[feelinglost29]

I was tested about a year ago, for everything. I didn't think I had much of an issue until now that I realize it was all a lie with the other woman. I do plan on getting tested for EVERYTHING within the week. Of course. For the record, my wife and I have not had sex in about a year.

[CALOVELY]

You didn't answer my question....you just talked about YOUR health. Are you man enough to tell your wife that you have had unprotected sex with hookers and put her health in harms way?

[feelinglost29]

I wish I knew how to cross post.. But here's what I just posted in the other forum about telling my wife.

 

Everyone here saying I should tell my wife, as if that is some badge of courage, should understand the following... If I were to tell my wife I am almost certain that she would throw me out. I would end up back in the arms of the prostitute. I am almost certain that she would not accept what has happened, almost 100% certain. So, within a few months or let's say a year, I will be unable to afford to pay for my wifes extravagant lifestyle and maintain any semblance of what I have today. If I gave my wife 60% of everything I make, in a divorce, she still couldn't make ends meet in the home/lifestyle that she and my kids are currently in. So now my kids are out of their home, my wife is devastated and forced to adjust to a new lifestyle and I'm out with the prostitute full time. THAT is the reality of what will happen. This will not be my choice, it will be the inevitable outcome of a divorce. I am the sole money maker. She has no ability to make 1/10th of what our family lifestyle costs, another simple fact. I know the obvious comments are coming that it's my fault and I should live with 30% of my income... That's not going to work for me, inevitably. And how's this, suppose my wife takes that angry position? Now we will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on attorneys... That's the reality.

 

On the other hand I can choose to keep this to myself, at least for the time being, and work through my issues with a psychiatrist or whatever. In the end the goal would be to make myself a better person but save my family the heartache and pain that would come from a divorce. Ultimately making sure I never repeat the stupidity that I just went through.

 

While the easy comment would be "what did you expect", or maybe "you deserved this", I will say that both are true but there will be serious unintended consequences of that courageous move of telling my wife. Nobody will win in that scenario, nobody.

 

Truly, what my wife deserves is a husband that doesn't cheat or take risks with his family. Whether or not she "deserves" to know the truth is another subject which I think has dire consequences.

 

I wrote this for empathy and maybe some advice from someone who has been through this. You see, right now, today, my concern is with me - not my wife. I am going through the pain today, not my wife. I am going through the unfavorable self realization of what I've become, not my wife. I can choose to deal with it silently, at least for the moment, or spread the pain and damage around.

[feelinglost29]

Will I tell her to get tested, NO. If I don't have anything than neither will she.

[lordWilhelm]

I'm not sure what kind of comments you're looking for, but it really blows my mind that you're breaking this down to an economic argument and that you're going to make the decision on behalf of your wife because you know what's better for her.

[CALOVELY]

I find it too incredible that he espouses to know what is best for his wife. By his own post, the consequences are out of his hands. No they are not. Not even close. He made a choice for 4 years to cheat, lie and steal resources from his family, have unprotected sex with whores and now moans about consequences like he had nothing to do with it.

I would say be a man, but I doubt he would listen. So she lives in less than stellar financial circumstances. You know what she won't have to live with anymore? A man who cares so little about her that he screws STD dumpsters and potentially brings them home to her.....all while keeping her in the dark.

I find there is ONE common denominator with cheaters.....they are ALL cowards.

[lordWilhelm]

Look, the reality of the situation is pretty bad and it's hard for people to have any kind of empathy for you especially if you're fishing for it.

 

For what it's worth, I agree with your first steps this week. Go to individual therapy and get yourself tested for STDs.

 

Doesn't sound like you're willing to talk to your wife mostly for financial reasons, so at least you should cut off contact with the other woman. Right now you're in an affair fog and you need some space from this other woman to see things more clearly.

Edited February 11, 2012 by lordWilhelm

[frozensprouts]

I wish I knew how to cross post.. But here's what I just posted in the other forum about telling my wife.

 

Everyone here saying I should tell my wife, as if that is some badge of courage, should understand the following... If I were to tell my wife I am almost certain that she would throw me out. I would end up back in the arms of the prostitute. I am almost certain that she would not accept what has happened, almost 100% certain. So, within a few months or let's say a year, I will be unable to afford to pay for my wifes extravagant lifestyle and maintain any semblance of what I have today. If I gave my wife 60% of everything I make, in a divorce, she still couldn't make ends meet in the home/lifestyle that she and my kids are currently in. So now my kids are out of their home, my wife is devastated and forced to adjust to a new lifestyle and I'm out with the prostitute full time. THAT is the reality of what will happen. This will not be my choice, it will be the inevitable outcome of a divorce. I am the sole money maker. She has no ability to make 1/10th of what our family lifestyle costs, another simple fact. I know the obvious comments are coming that it's my fault and I should live with 30% of my income... That's not going to work for me, inevitably. And how's this, suppose my wife takes that angry position? Now we will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on attorneys... That's the reality.

 

On the other hand I can choose to keep this to myself, at least for the time being, and work through my issues with a psychiatrist or whatever. In the end the goal would be to make myself a better person but save my family the heartache and pain that would come from a divorce. Ultimately making sure I never repeat the stupidity that I just went through.

 

While the easy comment would be "what did you expect", or maybe "you deserved this", I will say that both are true but there will be serious unintended consequences of that courageous move of telling my wife. Nobody will win in that scenario, nobody.

 

Truly, what my wife deserves is a husband that doesn't cheat or take risks with his family. Whether or not she "deserves" to know the truth is another subject which I think has dire consequences.

 

I wrote this for empathy and maybe some advice from someone who has been through this. You see, right now, today, my concern is with me - not my wife. I am going through the pain today, not my wife. I am going through the unfavorable self realization of what I've become, not my wife. I can choose to deal with it silently, at least for the moment, or spread the pain and damage around.

(this will sound harsh, but your posts make me very angry)

 

you sir, need to get off the self pity train and smarten up.

 

your wife and children didn't matter to you before...you took money that should have been used for YOUR CHILDREN and spent it renting a house , buying gifts for, giving money to and basically supporting your prostitute other woman.

You could have exposed your wife to all kinds of STDs, some of which could have killed her...where would your children be then?

You were having sex with prostitutes long before this lady came along...did you ever tell your wife about that? Oh, let me guess...you used protection so it was safe? Piffle! Ever heard of syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, etc., all of which can be transferred even when wearing a condom? Some of which can kill you? Did you think of your wife's feelings when you were sleeping with a prostitute? Of course not. but now all of a sudden they matter to you?

 

Stop pretending that you don't want to tell your wife because it would hurt her financially.Let me ask you this...if the lady you had been seeing had said to you that she wanted to be with you full time and that you needed to leave your family, would you have done so? My guess is yes. The effect that divorce would have had on your family wouldn't have mattered...all that would have mattered is you getting your jollies with your "new love"...now all of a sudden you don't want to hurt your wife and your can't tell her because she'd be angry and want a divorce?

I think the reality is that now that your other woman has shown that she won't change and was probably just using you for money, etc., she's no longer your Plan A, and now Plan B ( your family and wife) seem a heck of a lot more attractive...

 

no offense, but i think the real problem here isn't anything other than you are a coward who has become spoiled and doesn't want to have to give up anything

 

man up and take your medicine...

[CALOVELY]

Exactly, Frozen. Pain and suffering only matters NOW that his hooker dumped him. Before? Not so much. He was willing to tear his family apart and had no problem setting up a new life with a whore. His wife and children were of little issue. He still doesn't seem to care about his family, only his wallet.

[heartinlove]

Im having a very hard time understanding your logic. You yourself said earlier that if you had to choose between your wife and the other woman you would have chose the other woman.

 

Now that the other woman has betrayed you, you say this,

save my family the heartache and pain that would come from a divorce

 

That really wasn't a concern before, why is it a concern now? Why do you feel you should be the one to determine everyones fates? Why shouldn't your wife know you haven't been in love with her? Does she want to keep the marriage together regardless of your feelings?

 

I think right now your in full on heartbreak and you need to get through that. You ask for advice from people in your situation, but all you need is advice from anyone on how to get through heartbreak from someone who is wrong for you, and this woman is wrong for you no matter what. Commit to 6 months no contact with the other woman. You then will be out of all the crazy hormones of love and WILL be thinking more clearly. You are spending probably all your energy wondering if the other woman ever really loved you. Probably but it doesn't matter, as this is not healthy regardless of whether you are married and it needs to be over.

 

Once you start to emerge from your heartbreak focus on your marriage. Either commit truly or get the hell out. Seriously, this is not living. What is it with you husbands who actually think your doing your wife a favor by staying in a marriage with her when youre not in love with her and you are withholding so much truth.

 

I agree with the previous posters in that you need to grow some courage.

[2sunny]

Be the man your wife tHOUGHT she married - or divorce her if you can't offer her love and decency.

[StrongerThanB4]

For the record...mid-life has hit ya buddy!

 

You have more issues than you think. The fact that you've always had to resort to prostitues throughout your marriage is a simple devastating fact. Your whole marriage has been a sham...your poor poor wife. I seriously think you should at least give your wife the option if she wants to be with someone as insecure as you. You really need to seek professional help asap.

 

As far as this prostitute goes..shes simply that...a prostitute. What more can be said for someone who can degrade themselves to that level? Zero self-respect having a married man support her! How disgusting. She used you so well that you actually think your in love with her. My oh my!

 

I personally think you need alone time. Get your head outta your ass..and self reflect. Your marriage (if one can even it call it that) simply isnt a marriage. As much as I would love for you to tell your wife, we all know that wont happen. But if you had any respect for her or love or anything...you would at least set her free.

[KathyM]

Let's face a little realilty You can't control your OW. You tried to, but you were foolish to think a prostitute was going to love you and be faithful to you. So you need to stop contacting her. It will only tear you up to see her, since you want something more than she's willing to give you. As the saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. You were foolish and naive to think you could.

 

Next, how about doing the right thing by your wife and family? File for divorce and give your wife the right to live in honesty with someone who would value her.

 

Time to stop thinking only about yourself. You played with fire and got burned. How about you learn from this and move forward with an honest, authentic life, and get your head straight and maybe, in time, you will have a future with someone who can actually give you what you really want--love and commitment. You obviously don't love your wife. Time to stop being so selfish and only thinking of yourself, and do what is right and decent so you can start over and hopefully not screw up so badly next time. You have no right to decide your wife's fate and her life for her. You are obviously not happy with her. You don't love her. Time to stop the selfishness and make the split. It's the right thing to do, and the only way you'll get your life straighened out and have any hope for any semblance of a good life.

[feelinglost29]

Well said.

 

Now that it's been a couple days it's almost like a fog lifted over my head. What I called love two days ago, and defended over and over again on these forums and in my mind, was nothing but a prostitute doing her job. In fairness I have no right to be angry at her, she was merely doing her job. She did it very well and I was the idiot that took it literally and at face value from a woman who's job is to make men happy. I am the one that allowed her access to my heart. I was the one that mentally put her on a pedestal. I was the one that gave her money (I felt not for sex, but to help her, but it's all the same).

 

You know, at first on Friday and yesterday all I did was feel sorry for myself and tried to understand what happened to our "relationship". Last night the fog started to lift and I began to understand that I was played and my sadness started to turn to anger toward her.. This morning it's a tiny bit of sadness, a lot of anger and surprisingly a little bit of indifference. I hope that since our relationship was so baseless, with such lack of real meaning, filled with nothing but deception and hypocracy from both sides, that the process of getting over her will be quick.

 

I posted this because I thought someone out there would post a similar story and tell me my relationship with her was okay and I should work through it with her. I guess I was looking for something to make me feel better and send me back to my hooker. Yesterday morning I even copied this post to the infidelity section hoping I would get that here, since it was obviously not coming from the breakup forum.

 

So, what I got instead was anger about my relationship with my wife (fair) and comments about how warped my thinking and relationship was with this hooker. I guess the ultimate kick back to reality was your post this morning and the two people (here or in the breakup section) that thought I was trolling; I mean my story sounds so stupid, so unbelievable that some thought it was a joke... The reality is it wasn't a joke, it was a sad stupid four year event in my life.

 

So now I'm hoping for all of the sadness to fade to something else; hopefully that something else will be indifference. What I missed and desired from my hooker was waiting at home for me the entire time. For some reason I chose to look elsewhere for something that was totally available to me at home. When you said "make a hooker a housewife" I laughed to myself about how stupid that old saying sounded, yet, I was really trying to do just that. I don't know why. I honestly have no clue. To solve that I'm starting therapy next week with a sexual addiction & relationship specialist. The psychiatrist and I briefly spoke over the phone yesterday and surprised me by telling me that he's counseled dozens of men in my exact situation. I'm looking forward to working through this and understanding why I did it. I was honest in that I don't know what path I want to take moving forward - maybe divorce, maybe honesty with my wife and counseling, maybe nothing and continue my life of lies. Everyone can judge me all they want but in the end it's only me that has to live inside my head.

[Spark1111]

I think she saw you coming a mile away. I think she sensed your loneliness and vulnerability, and manipulated you to her financial advantage every step of the way. That's what successful prostitutes do.

 

They read the client and become whatever he needs them to be.

 

I think she is very, very good at what she does.

 

How much money, gifts, homes, business "loans" etc., in four years, did you give to the care and upkeep of her and her daughter?

 

Keep your IC appointments; get fully tested for STDs. I hope you wake up before you self-destruct, not only yourself, but your spouse, children and legacy.

[Mme. Chaucer]

What I missed and desired from my hooker was waiting at home for me the entire time. For some reason I chose to look elsewhere for something that was totally available to me at home.

 

Nice wrap-up. It's cool that your sharing her on LS was able to resolve a four year situation so neatly. Good luck, and I hope you haven't given your wife any unfortunate microbes.

[feelinglost29]

It's not a wrap up, it's just there's nothing more than anyone here is going to give me. You and others bashed me, which is fair. I'm not going to tell my wife, period. I'm selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, whatever... The fact remains I made a severe mistake and I refuse to drag my wife down with me. Again, selfish, coward, arrogant, whatever... I've been called them all here. It seems to me that unless I came out and said that I would tell my wife I will continually be bashed.

 

Listen, I came here for me. I came here because I was lost and didn't know what to do. I came here because I felt intense pain and sense of betrayal.

 

Before the affair I chose prostitutes because there was no emotional connection. To me that made it less wrong. The affair with the prostitute was wrong on many many levels but I didn't think I was with a prostitute paying for sex, I thought I was in a relationship with an ex-prostitute. I thought I was in a relationship with a woman that turned to prostitution for money that she needed and that I could be the white knight and support her and keep her as my mistress, forever. Mind you, this woman is not half my age, she is three years younger than me... I realize it's all wrong, but I'm not the only person that has been unfaithful.

 

You (mme chaucer) and others turned this into a bashing of me mostly on the unfaithfulness to my wife and others kept focus that I was screwing a prostitute. I did not see her as a prostitute from the day she told me she left that business and I started helping her. You and most others invalidated my feelings. Whenever I brought up my emotions or fears or sense of loss I was attacked as a coward etc. Wasn't it you that posted twice "Cool story..."? Nice...

 

Regardless of what I am or whether or not I can be fixed I came here for advice and empathy. Regardless of what my wife is today or what she will be to me tomorrow, that will be dealt with in therapy.

 

My family has never suffered for my actions or spending. My wife does not work and she is able to have anything that she desires. My children go to great private schools and have everything they need. I am home everyday for dinner with my family. I go on vacations with my family. I go to school functions for my children. I tuck my children into bed every single night. I carried on my affair during the day, never taking time from my family.

 

So I guess I gave you some more fodder for the personal attacks.