I finally broke up with my cheating fiancee and feel like my world is crashing

[kourtney01]

The background story of this roller-coaster ride I have been in with my fiancee that has cheated in the past and again over the holidays is in " cheated but still in love" and "big update to cheated but still in love"

 

After all the advice from my friends and this forum...I finally did it. Well, I had a little help too...some last piece of evidence I needed to see.

 

After the events of today that I described in my update, I came home feeling very sad and alone and waited for him to get home from his crazy all-nighter (as I mentioned he crashed at his mom's)

 

I believe on my first post I mentioned that he has been out with his soccer buddies and on more than one occasion never answered my calls. I found his bank statement and it showed that on Decemebr 23rd (the night he went to 'drop something off at a soccer buddie's house' and would be back in a half hr ...I foolishly waited at his house for 5 HOURS and called non stop and he never answered) there was 2 movie tickets purchased and 2 meals at a restaurant. I even found the movie tickets in his pocket. So while I was waiting at his house for him crying and calling non stop for 5 HOURS, he was out with some chick. And he had THE NERVE to tell me he stopped by the restaurant he wants to have cater our wedding and didn't want to tell me to spoil the surprise. How sick can someone be to hurt me in this way??

 

I finally broke up with him and threw his stuff out of my house in front of my mother (who was yelling more at me for crying and screaming uncontrolably than at him for being a stupid low cheater and screwing up again at my expense...very demoralizing but I understand she was frustrated)

 

Now...I'm here, glass of wine in hand and I'M FREAKING OUT! I feel so alone...no one to talk to at this time of night and am breaking down physically and emotionally!

 

I'm a beautiful woman. What did this girl have that I didn't for him to do this to me!!! And right before Christmas too!!!! She's probably the voice from the skiing video too! (you have to read the story to understand) I feel soooo depressed... I keep thinking that I'm not good enough and my self-esteem is at ground level. Please I need some advice to help me stop feeling this way! I'm so hurt that he did all these fun things with her behind my back...what does she have that I don't? And how could he do this to me!!! Our wedding date was just a few months away..

On top of this he told me he is going away with a buddy in a week...now I'm sure he's going with her and I'm CRUSHED.... worried they will fall in love like everyone does on vacation and he won't even think about me or suffer for loosing me and throwing everything away...and we just went away a month ago and had such an amazing time...gosh I am so upset...

[fltc]

I'm so sorry for you but time will make everything better and you'll look back and be delighted you finally dumped him!

 

Here's a hug, hope it helps a little....

[Duckduckgoose]

You did right by leaving him. Let him lower his standards to be with this other woman. A relationship born in deceit doesn't often last. Then he will know how bad he ****ed up by leaving you.

 

Right now you are torn up inside for discovering his infidelity AND leaving him for it. Its only going to make you stronger though. He is the weak one for caving in to another woman.

 

Since you are beautiful, once you heal from this there will be a wonderful man out there who won't cheat on you. You just gotta let the cheater go. You're not gonna find the new man if you keep dwelling on the old man. Only a faithful man deserves to be with you

[2themoon&back]

The background story of this roller-coaster ride I have been in with my fiancee that has cheated in the past and again over the holidays is in " cheated but still in love" and "big update to cheated but still in love"

 

After all the advice from my friends and this forum...I finally did it. Well, I had a little help too...some last piece of evidence I needed to see.

 

After the events of today that I described in my update, I came home feeling very sad and alone and waited for him to get home from his crazy all-nighter (as I mentioned he crashed at his mom's)

 

I believe on my first post I mentioned that he has been out with his soccer buddies and on more than one occasion never answered my calls. I found his bank statement and it showed that on Decemebr 23rd (the night he went to 'drop something off at a soccer buddie's house' and would be back in a half hr ...I foolishly waited at his house for 5 HOURS and called non stop and he never answered) there was 2 movie tickets purchased and 2 meals at a restaurant. I even found the movie tickets in his pocket. So while I was waiting at his house for him crying and calling non stop for 5 HOURS, he was out with some chick. And he had THE NERVE to tell me he stopped by the restaurant he wants to have cater our wedding and didn't want to tell me to spoil the surprise. How sick can someone be to hurt me in this way??

 

I finally broke up with him and threw his stuff out of my house in front of my mother (who was yelling more at me for crying and screaming uncontrolably than at him for being a stupid low cheater and screwing up again at my expense...very demoralizing but I understand she was frustrated)

 

Now...I'm here, glass of wine in hand and I'M FREAKING OUT! I feel so alone...no one to talk to at this time of night and am breaking down physically and emotionally!

 

I'm a beautiful woman. What did this girl have that I didn't for him to do this to me!!! And right before Christmas too!!!! She's probably the voice from the skiing video too! (you have to read the story to understand) I feel soooo depressed... I keep thinking that I'm not good enough and my self-esteem is at ground level. Please I need some advice to help me stop feeling this way! I'm so hurt that he did all these fun things with her behind my back...what does she have that I don't? And how could he do this to me!!! Our wedding date was just a few months away..

On top of this he told me he is going away with a buddy in a week...now I'm sure he's going with her and I'm CRUSHED.... worried they will fall in love like everyone does on vacation and he won't even think about me or suffer for loosing me and throwing everything away...and we just went away a month ago and had such an amazing time...gosh I am so upset...

 

I am sorry for your pain, but I want you to know ONE thing ... there is nothing special about HER and now you know there was NOTHING all that special about HIM either.

 

You are perfect …so please don’t compare yourself to her, just see how unworthy he is of you.

[whichwayisup]

You did nothing wrong. You are wonderful, beautiful, loving and giving. Unfortunately the man you were going to marry turned out to be a HUGE DUD. A user, a manipulator, a liar, a cheater and more than likely has many traits of a narcissist. Don't let this man kill you inside. I am sorry for your pain, it sucks and I hope you get some counselling to help you grieve, rely on good trusted friends and family. Most of all, if your mom isn't supportive and is making you feel worse, get away from her and stay with a friend.

 

In a few days or a few weeks, pick yourself up, go shopping, buy some new clothes, get a haircut, have a spa day..Spoil yourself.

 

Right now beating yourself up isn't a good thing. Again, you did nothing wrong! And who cares about the OW, do not compare yourself to her. That's just wasted energy on someone who has her own issues.

[carrie999]

Oh, sweetie, don't do this to yourself. Please don't torture yourself. You did nothing to deserve this, regardless of what happened between you before this jerk started cheating on you. He's a horrible person for the way he treated you. It's bad enough to cheat, but he continued lying and using you.

 

Move forward from this point. Don't blame yourself. Just try to seek counseling or at least work toward the introspection you need to figure out how you ended up with such an awful guy. And given your mother's reaction throughout this situation, it sounds like you need a break from her. Move in with a friend, or go on Craigslist and find a room or roommate. I'm sorry to say this, but given what you've said here, she's not good to you or for you right now.

 

You WILL come out of this okay. Know that. Keep venting here, and seek the comfort of your friends and people who genuinely support you.

[kourtney01]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

How low can you get?

 

I thought that when the man breaks the promise by CHEATING and LYING...the woman is entitled to keep the ring?

 

I never ONCE cheated on him or lied to him about the smallest thing.

[Goldenspoon]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

 

Classy guy.

[Linda9999]

She doesn't have anything you don't. The problem is NOT you, it's your slimeball ex fiance. You aren't really alone, it just feels that way for now. In a few days you'll feel better, then a few days later you'll feel better, and so on. Hang in there and don't be afraid to cry about it. Hugs.

[Fight4Me]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

How low can you get?

 

I thought that when the man breaks the promise by CHEATING and LYING...the woman is entitled to keep the ring?

 

I never ONCE cheated on him or lied to him about the smallest thing.

 

Just say "good riddance" to that ring as it would have ended up your noose! There will come a time when he'll give it to someone else, passing it off as brand new.... I almost want to laugh at that prospect, but if she's innocent and unsuspecting, I think I'll just say a prayer for her. If she's the OW, then okay, it's funny.

 

I really am sorry you are having to experience this heartache. I know it feels like you just want to die, and then not getting the kind of sympathy you need from your own mother, well... that is just salt in the wound.

 

Consider also that your pain is compounded by the fact that your wedding was just mere months away. You have to grieve the loss of that, but also remember that you will still have your day, but it will be truly the happiest day of your life.

 

I'm just thinking aloud here, but I would gather your best girls together and plan a huge bash on the date you had set. Have them all go to thrift stores to buy the ugliest dresses they can find to wear as your anti-bridesmaids. You could do the same... as there must be some pretty hideously funny 70's or 80's bridal gowns for dirt cheap out there. Then have a mock ceremony. You could have a blast picking out the music for you to waltz down the aisle with. Don't forget a wonderful bouquet of cheesy plastic flowers one might find in their grandmother's house. Then you say your vows with another friend officiating:

 

"Do you, Kourtney, promise to never sell yourself short again, to love, honor, and cherish the beautiful person you are, to forsake all bottom feeding scumbag cheaters, and to go on and live each moment knowing you are the best thing that has ever happened to you and this world... for as long as you shall live?"

 

I sooooo do!

 

"By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you fabulous and free!"

 

Then dance back down the aisle to "Let Freedom Ring." Afterwards, have all your friends sign your... er... dress and have someone take pictures of all of you. Then! Everyone can change clothes and go with you to a club or wherever to celebrate. You could even plan a trip with them (mock honeymoon), capping off the entire experience.

 

Dang, if I were one of your friends, I'd already be starting the preparations. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit warped, but it sounds like a great idea to me!

 

(((hugs)))

[fltc]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

How low can you get?

 

I thought that when the man breaks the promise by CHEATING and LYING...the woman is entitled to keep the ring?

 

I never ONCE cheated on him or lied to him about the smallest thing.

 

That's funny, the woman he's cheating with is going to get a second hand ring to match her second hand boyfriend! I'll bet he doesn't tell her it was your ring....

 

You deserve much better than him and I hope you realize that now.

[KraftDinner]

I wonder if you are legally entitled to keep that ring. If you are, you should take him to small claims court.

 

I've been watching way too much Judge Judy lately.

[Goldenspoon]

I wonder if you are legally entitled to keep that ring. If you are, you should take him to small claims court.

 

I've been watching way too much Judge Judy lately.

 

Probably not because SHE broke off the engagement. I don't think the law recognize infidelity as a fault when there is no marriage to begin with, asssuming she's from a jurisdiction that recognize "fault divorce." Again, there was no marriage and she called it off.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Goldenspoon

[NoLongerSad]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

How low can you get?

 

I thought that when the man breaks the promise by CHEATING and LYING...the woman is entitled to keep the ring?

 

I never ONCE cheated on him or lied to him about the smallest thing.

 

 

I suggest, as a compromise, since for some reason he values the ring, that you call him up and suggest he remit to you, the dollar value of the ring.

[YellowShark]

"F" the ring. "F" this low-life loser kourtney01. You need neither of them. He's a total loser, and the ring is just a piece of metal with a rock in it. Both are equally worthless.

[kourtney01]

I don't care about the ring...

I'm just appalled that he would take it given the circumstances... it was in my room and he grabbed it without me knowing despite the fact that he got busted for cheating...and might I add that this is not the first time he cheated, I gave him a second chance after I found out he was sleeping with someone behind my back for 3 months on and off! After how much he f***** up (and this time in front of my family too) I would think someone with half a heart would have left that ring sitting on my bedside table.

 

...really I feel like I don't even know who he is

[Iconoclast]

I know you are in pain, but try to look at it this way. This is a blessing. You dodged a bullet. The pain now is nothing compared to what you'd have married with children.

The sooner you accept this the faster you will heal.

[kourtney01]

I know you are in pain, but try to look at it this way. This is a blessing. You dodged a bullet. The pain now is nothing compared to what you'd have married with children.

The sooner you accept this the faster you will heal.

 

I think about that all the time.

[Digs in Dirt]

I agree that it's better to happen now than after you have kids. I have a child, and I have to try to explain to that child why a man who has been in his life for 3 years, a man who he has adored, would rather be somewhere else. I have to make him understand that it's not his fault, and hope like hell that he doesn't feel abandoned. Looking into a child's innocent eyes and having to explain this is horrible. Worse than any pain that I am going through.

 

This guy did you a favor by exiting now. I know it hurts, but believe that.

 

Many moons ago, I had lived with a guy for two years. It was my first very real and serious relationship. I left my job, my friends, and my family, to move with him to another city. I adored him. I gave everything up for him. After two years he ended it, saying that he loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. He loved me like a sister. Ouch. A couple of days after I left, he started moving in the new woman. I was devastated. I moved back to my home town, had no job, lived back at home with my father, and was just beyond crushed. I knew that I would never find anyone like him ever again. I wondered how I would ever live without him. A counselor told me that the first 6 months of a new relationship were the honeymoon stage, and that after 6 months, the rose colored glasses would come off. She suggested that I wait at least 6 months before even thinking of talking to him again. So I got a job, an apartment, and went out and had fun, with solid plans to get my ex back in 6 months, after his new relationship started to calm down.

 

What happened instead is I got my self-esteem back. And as a bonus, I met an amazing man who made the ex pale in comparison. I started an incredible new relationship and never looked back. The 6 month mark came and went.

 

About 3 years later, I moved back to the city where I had lived with that man. I am dating myself here, but I left a letter (there were no emails or texts back then) where he worked, saying that I was living in the city now going to school and wondering where life had taken him. I said maybe we could have coffee sometime and left my phone #. I had no intention of reconciliation - I was just curious about what had ever happened of him.

 

He called me right away. We agreed to meet up for dinner. He picked me up, and it took me all of maybe 2 minutes, at most, for me to ask myself "WHAT did I ever see in that man?!?!!?". The night just went from bad to worse. He was a LOSER. He had married the other woman, and they were going through the divorce. He made it very clear that he was interested in another relationship with me. GOD NO!! I couldn't get out of that meeting quick enough. I never heard from him again, except for a number of years later I heard from someone that he was on his 3rd or 4th divorce. There was *nothing* wrong with me. There was *plenty* wrong with him.

 

It hurts now. I KNOW. I am in the same boat. The man that I thought I was going to marry, the one who took on my son as his own, is porking someone else. And it hurts like HELL. I have no idea how to move on from here. I fear I will never find a love like I had with him. What I try to do is remember how I felt about that first guy, how I felt these same feelings, and yet I not only went on, but I went on further and better than I ever could have gone on with him. We'll both get through this. And we'll both be soooo much better off.

 

The other woman isn't better. She's just fluffing up his ego. Men like our exes need that. No woman will ever be able to keep it going for long. Believe me, he'll be doing the same thing to the next woman. This isn't a reflection of you, it's a reflection of him.

 

Hugs to you. Hang in there. One hour at a time.

[whiterose15]

The background story of this roller-coaster ride I have been in with my fiancee that has cheated in the past and again over the holidays is in " cheated but still in love" and "big update to cheated but still in love"

 

After all the advice from my friends and this forum...I finally did it. Well, I had a little help too...some last piece of evidence I needed to see.

 

After the events of today that I described in my update, I came home feeling very sad and alone and waited for him to get home from his crazy all-nighter (as I mentioned he crashed at his mom's)

 

I believe on my first post I mentioned that he has been out with his soccer buddies and on more than one occasion never answered my calls. I found his bank statement and it showed that on Decemebr 23rd (the night he went to 'drop something off at a soccer buddie's house' and would be back in a half hr ...I foolishly waited at his house for 5 HOURS and called non stop and he never answered) there was 2 movie tickets purchased and 2 meals at a restaurant. I even found the movie tickets in his pocket. So while I was waiting at his house for him crying and calling non stop for 5 HOURS, he was out with some chick. And he had THE NERVE to tell me he stopped by the restaurant he wants to have cater our wedding and didn't want to tell me to spoil the surprise. How sick can someone be to hurt me in this way??

 

I finally broke up with him and threw his stuff out of my house in front of my mother (who was yelling more at me for crying and screaming uncontrolably than at him for being a stupid low cheater and screwing up again at my expense...very demoralizing but I understand she was frustrated)

 

Now...I'm here, glass of wine in hand and I'M FREAKING OUT! I feel so alone...no one to talk to at this time of night and am breaking down physically and emotionally!

 

I'm a beautiful woman. What did this girl have that I didn't for him to do this to me!!! And right before Christmas too!!!! She's probably the voice from the skiing video too! (you have to read the story to understand) I feel soooo depressed... I keep thinking that I'm not good enough and my self-esteem is at ground level. Please I need some advice to help me stop feeling this way! I'm so hurt that he did all these fun things with her behind my back...what does she have that I don't? And how could he do this to me!!! Our wedding date was just a few months away..

On top of this he told me he is going away with a buddy in a week...now I'm sure he's going with her and I'm CRUSHED.... worried they will fall in love like everyone does on vacation and he won't even think about me or suffer for loosing me and throwing everything away...and we just went away a month ago and had such an amazing time...gosh I am so upset...

 

 

Sorry for the pain you're feeling. The fact is that from the way it sounds, he doesn't even seem as he regrets what he's doing. And that is a direct sign that he will continue doing it, so why put yourself through that again. He knows you're dying for him so lift yourself up and show him that he is not forth your suffering. Best wishes!!!