Wayward Wife..................

[walsh]

My STBX wife and are are approaching our 5 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, we have our date to appear in court january 8th.

 

Our relationship started routine enough. She was a single mother of a 2 year old girl, I was freshly out of college and new to the area. We were friends, but I was not really interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but she really pushed hard and we ended up developing feelings for each other, and got married after dating for 2 years.

 

She is from a wealthy family, her daughters father was never very actively involved so her parents helped raise her daughter until we got married. They had her over 1/2 the time. My wife has always been the dissappointment in her family, having never finished college and getting knocked up by a drug user. When she met me, it seemed her life was taking a proper course and things were fine until about 2 years into our marriage when she got pregnant with our son.

 

After my son was born she withdrew, began making new friendships without me. (I was forced to work 70+ hours a week to maintain all the things she "wanted") At the beginning of this year, she asked to separate so she could "find herself" I stayed with her parents since I have no family here and few friends.

 

I gave her all the space she asked for, and she moved her boyfriend into my house.

 

Lied and lied until I caught her red handed. Then still lied. I have no idea how long this has been happening. She works with him and he is a skydiver, so she is very excited to be a part of that.

 

She has pushed for divorce and plans on marrying him.

 

I can't get over the unfairness of it. I want to know what it feels like to be abandoned and humiliated and hurt and scared like me. This "man" will now be my precious sons step-father. She has shown NO remorse. I was a good husband to her. I can't fathom this working out, it makes me mad at God.

[2sure]

Walsh -

 

Ok, first, you dont want to stay made at God - because thats who youve got and you're going to need him.

 

Sadly, this is may one of life's black events that we cannot so much control as make the best of. And sometimes "best" is a pretty loose term.

 

Are you SURE she gets the house? I ask because if it is something you are doing for your child - and not legally bound to do- you might reconsider.

The stable loving life you offer seems in direct contrast to what she is opting for.

Without the support of her family, or 100% of your income, or possibly the house - skydiver dude is not going to be or see her as much of a prize. Life has a way of doing that.

Is the Jan. date for Divorce or custody or seperation?

Are you still at her parents home?

[michelangelo]

I am sorry you have this ditz of a wife who had no business getting married.

 

You did yoour best and threw yourself into a provider role. Problem is, that gettinng knnocked up by a druggie was no accident by your destructive excitement chasing wife.

 

Get yourself divorced and sue for custody of your kid.

 

She moving in some guy into your house while you live with her parents is flat out hostile and destructive your kid's welfare.

 

Stay strong, your family needs it.

 

 

 

 

My STBX wife and are are approaching our 5 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, we have our date to appear in court january 8th.

 

Our relationship started routine enough. She was a single mother of a 2 year old girl, I was freshly out of college and new to the area. We were friends, but I was not really interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but she really pushed hard and we ended up developing feelings for each other, and got married after dating for 2 years.

 

She is from a wealthy family, her daughters father was never very actively involved so her parents helped raise her daughter until we got married. They had her over 1/2 the time. My wife has always been the dissappointment in her family, having never finished college and getting knocked up by a drug user. When she met me, it seemed her life was taking a proper course and things were fine until about 2 years into our marriage when she got pregnant with our son.

 

After my son was born she withdrew, began making new friendships without me. (I was forced to work 70+ hours a week to maintain all the things she "wanted") At the beginning of this year, she asked to separate so she could "find herself" I stayed with her parents since I have no family here and few friends.

 

I gave her all the space she asked for, and she moved her boyfriend into my house.

 

Lied and lied until I caught her red handed. Then still lied. I have no idea how long this has been happening. She works with him and he is a skydiver, so she is very excited to be a part of that.

 

She has pushed for divorce and plans on marrying him.

 

I can't get over the unfairness of it. I want to know what it feels like to be abandoned and humiliated and hurt and scared like me. This "man" will now be my precious sons step-father. She has shown NO remorse. I was a good husband to her. I can't fathom this working out, it makes me mad at God.

[walsh]

I live in an apartment now. I lived with her parents for three months while she did this. Her own parents had to watch me go through the darkest days of my life. It was hard on them too. Her father asked her numerous times if there was someone else, and she lied to him too. This separation was requested by her, and was she said she was going to counseling and working on things.

 

It is the no remorse that kills me. She wants me erased. I was nothing but good to her. I am not perfect, but even she told her father I was a great husband.

 

January 8th is the divorce date. Everything has been drawn up. I have shared custody of my son. She gets the house, but has to sell it and I get 1/2 equity. I don't want it, I could never go back there.

[2sure]

Ah , I see.

Well, I can tell you confidently that she will feel remorse. She does not now , and that hurts you.

 

She does not feel remorse right now because she is in the midst of an affair. Here on LS, it is called "Affairyland" I think. It leaves the affair partners in a state of bliss and denial. It ends when real life interferes, the day to day of a relationship.

 

She has been blessed with experiencing a time in her life when she has stability, a nice house, respect, a good husband, and a family. She had others taking care of her and her son so long, she has taken it for granted that someone always will. But that time is over, she just doesnt know it yet.

 

After the house is sold- sooner the better - and you divide it in half, she will have to move to wherever her 50% of the profit (if any) will get her. She will have to manage on her own income and whatever child support you pay for your son. Gone are the days that your extra income will cover the car payment or the groceries.

 

Maybe her skydiver will be able to take care of her, buy her a new house, and support both of her children?? Ya think? For the rest of her life?? Through college tuition and old age?? He must be financially quite substantial. Regardless, life doesnt get easier as we and our children get older, it gets more challenging. And she isnt equipped.

 

She will have regret. She will look back and have remorse. And you will have moved on.

 

On another note: You have shared custody. I can tell you from personal experience that you will continue to have the greatest impact, and influence on your child.

[Reggie]

Ah , I see.

Well, I can tell you confidently that she will feel remorse. She does not now , and that hurts you.

 

She does not feel remorse right now because she is in the midst of an affair. Here on LS, it is called "Affairyland" I think. It leaves the affair partners in a state of bliss and denial. It ends when real life interferes, the day to day of a relationship.

 

She has been blessed with experiencing a time in her life when she has stability, a nice house, respect, a good husband, and a family. She had others taking care of her and her son so long, she has taken it for granted that someone always will. But that time is over, she just doesnt know it yet.

 

After the house is sold- sooner the better - and you divide it in half, she will have to move to wherever her 50% of the profit (if any) will get her. She will have to manage on her own income and whatever child support you pay for your son. Gone are the days that your extra income will cover the car payment or the groceries.

 

Maybe her skydiver will be able to take care of her, buy her a new house, and support both of her children?? Ya think? For the rest of her life?? Through college tuition and old age?? He must be financially quite substantial. Regardless, life doesnt get easier as we and our children get older, it gets more challenging. And she isnt equipped.

 

She will have regret. She will look back and have remorse. And you will have moved on.

 

On another note: You have shared custody. I can tell you from personal experience that you will continue to have the greatest impact, and influence on your child.

 

This seems spot on to me. I've lived this scenario almost exactly. I had the suport of my XW's family and still do. I worked 3 jobs to support our family and her extravagant lifestyle(I was a dumbass, in that regard).

My XW had a similar history to your wife. Someone had always bailed her out and done the grunt work.

Her affair partner moved in with my kids and it lasted about 18 months. The pressure of her family's hatred toward him and the kids, as well, killed that fantasy relationship.

Now, she is a single mom of 3 young kids with a history of infidelity that is well known.She's finding she is not too marketable. She is quite pretty but nothin extraordinary and her looks are fading, largely as the result of having to do work,now, like the rest of us. She cannot indulge herself in spas and clothes etc on the limited income.

I believe she feels regret but, she is too proud to admit it. Life still has to beat her up, some more before she fully understands what she did.

I'v e moved on and am happy.

[walsh]

That give me hope..................I spend way too much time obsessing about this relationship and it's sustainability. I'll be the first to admit it

[mental_traveller]

There's a saying - if you stick your head in a lion's mouth, don't be surprised if it gets bitten off.

 

What on earth made you think that marrying a spoiled rich girl loser who had got knocked up by a druggie would be a good idea? The best way to judge people's actions is by looking at their past actions. She was the loser of the family, a failure at life, and you married her.

 

Next time, pay attention to someone's past actions, reputation, character etc before you marry them. And for god's sake don't marry someone you were not interested in when you met.

[Reggie]

There's a saying - if you stick your head in a lion's mouth, don't be surprised if it gets bitten off.

 

What on earth made you think that marrying a spoiled rich girl loser who had got knocked up by a druggie would be a good idea? The best way to judge people's actions is by looking at their past actions. She was the loser of the family, a failure at life, and you married her.

 

Next time, pay attention to someone's past actions, reputation, character etc before you marry them. And for god's sake don't marry someone you were not interested in when you met.

 

This is good advice. I was a dumbass in this regard. It was all there for me to see.

 

At least I'm out, now. The cheating was my get out of jail free card.

[Untouchable_Fire]

That give me hope..................I spend way too much time obsessing about this relationship and it's sustainability. I'll be the first to admit it

 

Move on. It should not be hard to find someone better!

[DealingWDrama]

That give me hope..................I spend way too much time obsessing about this relationship and it's sustainability. I'll be the first to admit it

 

Find comfort in knowing that NO UNION formed underneath the bond of marriage will be fruitful! That's a fact...she will one day be miserable and attempt to rekindle her relationship with you - it always happens. Spend time working on you and getting your ducks in a row. Show your son love and support. The day will come when she is very remorseful...but if you work on yourself and your life then when that day comes you will be more than able to look her in the eyes, grant her forgiveness and continue with your wonderful life. Right now it is all misery for you and that is understandable. You are not alone! hugs to you.

[roadrage]

Before you married her, you should have asked the question: "Why is she a single mum?" Generally single mums (the ones not widowed) are promiscuous by nature. What goes on between their legs is all that pre-occupies their empty heads. That's why a lot of them are on the dole and living in public housing (like your soon to be ex-wife will be doing if she continues this way).

 

Fight for custody of the boy! Don't let that bitch get away with it! You sound like an accomplished young man, so it will be much easier for you to get a decent lawyer and get rightful custody of your son. Honestly, do you want your son to be brought up in a skanky environment, with a mother that can't adequately provide, being fathered by the man who broke up his/her family? I didn't think so! Plus, any child support you give her.....what makes you think she will spend it for the benefit of the kid? She'll give it to that arsehole she's with, clubbing, drinking, sexy clothes, pedicures, sky diving, muff diving...you name it!

 

But don't be so down hearted about the marriage break up. Soon she'll be sick of this new bloke, cheat on him and get knocked up by someone else and try and run off with him. That is if he is stupid enough to hang around.

 

Good luck my friend!

[pelicanpreacher]

The problem with your stbx is she was broken from the get-go! The fact that she knows that her parents will always bail her out, if only for the sake of her children, ingrains the notion that she will always have a safety net in them and can, therefore, behave as irresponisbly as she pleases without any repercussions. Until she's required to face the world head-on and live the adult consequences of her actions she will never change for you or anyone else.

 

Since you'll never be able to break the hold she has over her parents it is best for you to look upon this episode in your life as a mistake and "lesson learned"! It will be difficult but you must move forward to begin your life anew. Don't try to suppress your feelings as you grapple with the emotional rollercoaster you're strapped into as you deal with the grieving process of losing your marriage lest you find yourself wallowing too long in your pain, prolonging your grief, and retarding your healing.

 

Though long is the road and hard that out of hell lead up to light there is a life that awaits you. You may as well, therefore, begin the journey now by gripping your whip and marching this marriage with Roman Zeal to Calgary!

[LovieDove24]

Roadrage, I am disgusted by your presumptive nature regarding single mothers.

 

Being promiscuous cannot be determined by whether or not a woman has a child. It really only takes one time to become pregnant. Having a child if anything can be a good indicator of the woman's pro life/pro choice stance. Lord knows how many woman out there could be walking around having had abortions and here you would be calling them "better suited mates" and women with children "sluts." (I am not turning this into a pro life debate, just trying to make a point.)

 

Unless you plan on finding a virgin to marry (good luck with that) there should be no judging of a womans character based on the fact that she has a child alone. PERIOD.

[You'reasian]

I live in an apartment now. I lived with her parents for three months while she did this. Her own parents had to watch me go through the darkest days of my life. It was hard on them too. Her father asked her numerous times if there was someone else, and she lied to him too. This separation was requested by her, and was she said she was going to counseling and working on things.

 

It is the no remorse that kills me. She wants me erased. I was nothing but good to her. I am not perfect, but even she told her father I was a great husband.

 

January 8th is the divorce date. Everything has been drawn up. I have shared custody of my son. She gets the house, but has to sell it and I get 1/2 equity. I don't want it, I could never go back there.

 

I am sorry to hear about this. Other than taking care of the legal proceedings between the two of you, try to erase thoughts of her - put away the pictures of the two of you, any thing that has memories and into storage somewhere.

 

Stay strong. Find a support group - whether it be religious, shared interest or what have you. Keep as active as you can.

 

The initial momentum moving forward from this will feel like you're pulling a truck behind you, but you'll find as you keep moving forward it will gradually get easier.

 

Best of luck, man.

[Dexter Morgan]

I can't get over the unfairness of it. I want to know what it feels like to be abandoned and humiliated and hurt and scared like me. This "man" will now be my precious sons step-father. She has shown NO remorse. I was a good husband to her. I can't fathom this working out, it makes me mad at God.

 

You aren't alone my brother. Men get the shaft in divorce. They are the ones, unless the mother doesn't want custody, or they are completely unfit(although being unscrupulous should fit that bill), that will get custody and you have to pay for the priviledge of not having your children with you on a daily basis.

 

It sucks, we are there with you.