Dazed1 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hello to all the old and new LSers! I used to post as DazednConfused, but none of my posts get through even though the email addy is still the same. I have re-registered using this s/n. After three years since my wife's infidelity, we have decided to divorce. All in all, it's a happy ending to a terrible situation. It has been a struggle since day one after dday, and I had thought on a few occasions that I had actually forgiven and gone past it all. Fact was, I hadn't. I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted and deserved better, and deep down I always knew it. As a contributing factor, I can see the guilt finally catching up to my wife, who has always had this tremendous ability to sweep things away and forget about them. In her mind, she is always the one who messed up, so she rewrites her memories to soften the facts. But.... no regrets. i stayed and saw my daughter grow into the wonderful and well adjusted young woman she is today. She now has a place of her own and a good job, with an agreement to give college further consideration next spring. as to me, i am two weeks away from re-locating to Las Vegas, where I have purchased a small business and a nice condo. If I may offer a small bit of advice to anyone just beginning or in the throes of the infidelity nightmare: Don't try to go it alone. Use a support system, friends, family, counseling, whatever. I was a strong minded and hearted man, and the shock, pain, and after effects reduced me to a shell of what i was. I needed help and was too afraid and ashamed to get it. tried a couple of counselors, but their failure is more a reflection on my reticence than their expertise. Whatever you decide to do, forgive or not, do it wholeheartedly. I thought I had, but was only fooling myself. I was only posing. I never got past it. I never got over it. I think the only way to do so is with help. Anyway, i thought there might be a few people left here that would be interested. -Dazed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 My fave LS buddy... I'm sure many will be happy that you did an update after so long. I tell ya, you were (are) quite a popular poster back then!! I am sorry that your marriage didn't work after all the hard work that was put into trying to save it - But, atleast now you both are moving on and happier. And will have a healthy bond always because of your daughter. Hope you stick around D! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Good to hear from you but I'm sorry about the divorce. It would be great if you would stick around and help some of the newer guys coming in. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Dazed, You are my Hero! Were then and still are! I think that there is a woman out there who is about to win the man lottery. Plus If I remember correctly... A shout out for EW! Heck you may be living in my Hometown! Best Wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hehehe.... "man lottery"? That made me laugh! Thanks for the kind words, but i am no hero. i will try to be back more often and keep WW and a few others in check. Gonna be really crazy for the next few weeks tho. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Dazed, Never underestimate the power your words can have on a struggling soul. I look forward to hearing from you. Oh, and there is a thread in the 2nd chances section by Confuzd. Its titled "Will my wife ever come back", or something similar. IMHO, that guy needs your perspective... he needs it bad! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 So you were trying to hold it together, but found out you couldn't? She's showing guilt? How? I'm surprised, because most cheaters don't even show that much, they feel intitled. You had no fault Dazed, she just wanted some strange, if you know what I mean. I hope you're not gonna lose your shirt because of the divorce! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hi Dazed, sorry to hear about the divorce. I'm an glad you were able to try and work it out. Good luck with your new business and moving. Sounds exciting. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hope you don't mind me putting up your old thread. I actually push your thread on people to read, LOL! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/ For those who don't know his full story, click above on the link. Quite an insightful read. keep WW and a few others in check Ha! Link to post Share on other sites
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hi Dazed1, Welcome back, seems like you've been through a rough time...stuck and it and come out smiling and stronger. Makes you a better person hun. All the best x Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 It has been a struggle since day one after dday, and I had thought on a few occasions that I had actually forgiven and gone past it all. Fact was, I hadn't. I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted and deserved better, and deep down I always knew it. Wow! Couldn't have put it better myself. I also tried 5 years to forgive and forget, just couldn't do it. I found the right one the 2nd time around, hope you have similar success... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Anyway, i thought there might be a few people left here that would be interested. Thanks so much Dazed. Always followed your posts with much admiration and respect, but rarely responded because I always felt you had a much better handle on things than any feedback I could possibly provide. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who has learned so much from your eloquent and painfully honest sharing. Of course there are no regrets. You gave it your absolute best ... tried every avenue and left no stone unturned. At the end of the day, that’s all any of us can expect from ourselves and others. You should be able to sleep well at night having finally earned your peace and happiness in whatever direction it waits for you. Good luck with everything you do. You deserve it! Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 It has been a struggle since day one after dday, and I had thought on a few occasions that I had actually forgiven and gone past it all. Fact was, I hadn't. I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted and deserved better, and deep down I always knew it. -Dazed hey brother....good to see you back again..... I understand your dicision. i really do. Sometimes....I know exactly how you feel. Because honestly....there is still a small pit in my stomach that still wonders if I made the right choice.....but I am still here....the pit hasnt won me over and i will continue to TRY to make this work......till death, another A or if the pit in my gut wins.....untill then I will do my best and keep my "what ifs" in check. I told my wife what has happened with you....she remembered me telling her about you 3 years ago....I think i got her scared....she asked if i thought of leaving after 3 years? I said, sometimes I still wonder what life would be like if i would have left.....but i followed by saying, NO I aint going anywhere...just being honest that i do think about it. I wish you good times in LV...and good times with the next phase of your life.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 How great to hear again from some my old friends. Cobra - I did reply to Confuzd's thread. Great guy, but unable to see past it all at this point. thanks for the head's up. Darth - Nah, part of the reason for waiting this long was to get the daughter raised and out on her own. Our divorce is about as easy and friendly as they get. WWIU - Thanks fer bein there even long after i left LS. no problem on sharing my thread, but you will undestand if i don't go back and read it myself.... Lady, you rock. Lucky - I hope i am as lucky, tho I think i will take some time before i even consider anything serious. I'm thinkin i would like to find a nice single lady and try that friends w/benefits concept. Mebbe several single ladies... and they don't necessarily have to be nice.... And Thumbs - My old friend, so great to hear from you. I am happy to see that you are doing so well. If one in three marriages survive an affair, looks like it's you and Mrs. Thumbs. You have my eternal respect and admiration, as you have done what i could not. Yer da man! I am doing great! Have stbxw almost completely moved out to her apartment. Now i am finally getting around to packing all my crap. <sigh> Just for the record, at this point..... for me...... i am far more likely to feel like dancing than crying over this thing. Wishing everyone peace. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Dazed, I read the post on Confuzd's thread... Brilliant... I dont think he is ready for that yet. Some guys develope that messiah complex. I'm going to keep tabs on him anyway. Who knows when the fog will clear. Anyway I wish you the absolute best, and I hope there is some dancing in your future! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 WWIU - Thanks fer bein there even long after i left LS. no problem on sharing my thread, but you will undestand if i don't go back and read it myself.... Lady, you rock. You're welcome. Glad to be there for you. Oh yeah, that would be abit freaky if you went back and reopened those old wounds. I'd have to come kick your ass if you did that! Do NOT make me get on a plane D...LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Dazed, it's good that you found out about this before 20 years had past, that would have been alot of your life wasted. See about getting one of those new big LCD tv's, something you would never have been allowed to get before! Did you ever run into scumbag again, and kick the crap out of him? As Gunny always says, "what one person abuses, another can use"! It's your ex-wifes lost, not yours! Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Hey Dazed! Nice to "see" you again! I'm so sorry about the D but I do understand. It's been 4 years since my H infidelity and I still wonder myself if it was the best decision to R our M. That pain has lessened tremendously but like you, the A is like a nagging pit in my stomach. I try not to think about it but there is always that trigger. I don't know if I can live the rest of my M. I'm giving it till the 5th year mark and if I still feel like this I don't know if I can stay in this M. GL w/ your new life! LOVE LV! We were just there three weeks ago for vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Hey Dazed! Nice to "see" you again! I'm so sorry about the D but I do understand. It's been 4 years since my H infidelity and I still wonder myself if it was the best decision to R our M. That pain has lessened tremendously but like you, the A is like a nagging pit in my stomach. I try not to think about it but there is always that trigger. I don't know if I can live the rest of my M. I'm giving it till the 5th year mark and if I still feel like this I don't know if I can stay in this M. GL w/ your new life! LOVE LV! We were just there three weeks ago for vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Nice to hear back from you, Dazed. From your prior posts it was clear you tried pretty much everything you could to get your marriage back on track after the A. I think you can go forward now with no regrets, you did your best but it just wasn't the right thing for you to stay. I certainly wish you good luck for the next time, if you choose to go for another one! Out of interest, what's your expectation for relationships going forward? Do you think you'll want to remarry at some stage? Are you going to live it up as a bachelor in Vegas? Also, how is your wife reacting to the divorce - I presume it was initiated by you? Whatever happens, thanks for the interesting posts & insights that you gave us all, I found it very informative even though it was a bit of a sad story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Okay, So i made it down here almost a month ago and it has been nuts! New biz is running me ragged, but in a good way. Have a couple of dating prospects so far, but haven't done any dating yet. Just coffee, etc. My dog and i getting along quite well, and I love this town! it is as exciting or as boring as i want it to be. Thanks for the kind words MT; as to marrying again..... let's just say she would have to be pretty amazing. I'm going to remain on my own for quite some time tho, either way. I've taken off twenty pounds and since i have access to a fitness center here, getting back into a toned and sexy body. it feels good to feel good. My ex was on to her next guy before i even left, so the D was not a problem for her. I think she is relieved to be rid of the scarlet letter and get a fresh slate. I never saw how incredibly selfish she was until i was removed from daily contact. Good riddance. my best to everyone; and i will lurk from time to time. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Best Wishes Dazed! Oh, That poor guy Confuzd finally took your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 It's good to hear you're doing well, Dazed. You're living proof that one way or the other, things get worked out. Tough times might come along... but they pass if we let them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 My dog and i getting along quite well ... You mean you two didn't get along before???????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 ... You mean you two didn't get along before???????? She was her mom's dog, and frankly to me, always was kind of a bitch. I crack myself up! So how did i end up 1200 miles away with my ex's dog? Well, that a whole nuther long stupid story, lol. Thank you Jane, and Cobra. As i told WWIU in an email earlier, i had nearly resigned myself to life being numb.... no more highs or lows (sorta how it is when you can't let anything in or out). I think i can be happy again, and I fully intend to get after it. Whomever i meet, i will have to make a conscious effort to give her a clean slate and not project the last three + yrs of my life. I think as long as I stay willing to do that, it will be okay. Gotta leave the baggage behind sometime right? I am outta here fer now..... heads up and heels dug in folks, don't give up an inch! -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
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