- my husband won't initiate sex

[Guest]

There's so much to this I barely know where to start, but here goes -sorry if it's long. My husband (who's 17 years older than me - I'm 39 he's 56) won't initiate sex any more. We've coming up to 13 years very soon. We have no children. For about 2 years I got natural fertility treatment as I really want a child and my husband says he does too (but I'm doubting that now). About 18 months ago my husband stopped initiating sex. That didn't bother me for a while, but then I began to notice he started saying no to my advances as well. He says he is too tired as he works about 50+ hours a week. He used to work this before, but it wasn't a problem. He always used to make moves on me.

 

Now, it's always me that starts anything and I'm rejected more than half the time, actually it's more like 3 out of 4. I 'm very attractive and he tells me this often. I get told by other men all the time, but this isn't an issue for me. My husband occasionally hugs me - usually briefly and stops if I react sexually, tells me how much he loves me - kisses me but rarely French kisses and stops if I respond, although he used to do both very frequently.

 

I've tried all sorts of things, straight out offering sex, stripping in front of him, etc. Lingerie often works, and if he says yes and the sex is great but I feel that he's doing it out obligation. As soon as he's done, he always leaves and he didn't used to. But it's still about me having to start something.

 

My problem is that he won't ever start it. I have to do all the work, all of the time. He tells me I'm sexy and desirable but would rather play computer games than actually have sex with me unless I beg, and I'm sad to say I do beg him - regularly. I have told him several times the pain this is causing me and that I need actions not just words from him, but nothing has changed.

 

I'm suffering badly for this and feel it's about me. I've stopped the fertility treatment but it hasn't changed anything. Now there's someone else who shows me interest. This person is about the same age as my husband and I'm very attracted. God knows, I've resisted so far, but I'm losing that battle. I just want to feel desired. I've told my husband, hoping it would be a wakeup call for him to save our marriage but he told me to have an affair as long as I didn't tell him and he didn't find out.

 

I don't know what to do. I love my husband, but this is hurting me so much. Can anyone give me advice?