The whole truth and nothing but the truth?

[Chapter2]

I was reading another thread about a WS that continues to remember different details about the afair and it led me to wonder...

 

Is it truly necessary to disclose the entire truth about the affair to the BS? Can't a couple still rebuild irregardless of the nature of the affair or is the lying (irregardless of what the lie is about) the real issue?

 

For example, a BS catches the WS involved in an emotional affair in a work environment. There is complete denial of anything physical except kissing one time. However, the WS knows that it was a full blown EA/PA. The BS continues to doubt WS's denial due to the length of the affair. The WS's justification for continuing to lie about this issue is not wanting to hurt the BS any more than they already have.

 

Can't this couple still rebuild their marriage if they persist in MC and IC or is it truly a matter of disclosing the truth about everything before healing can take place?

 

I tend to believe that in order for healing to occur, the BS also has to have the freedom of not living under anymore lies in order to give their "all" to the rebuilding process.

 

Thoughts?

[Bryanp]

I agree totally with you.

[bluechocolate]

...or is it truly a matter of disclosing the truth about everything before healing can take place?

 

I think that depends on what you mean when you say, "the truth about everything".

 

"I had an affair", speaks volumes.

 

Knowing every gory sweaty detail isn't going to help anyone. Is it?

 

I remember a thread by some bloke who wanted to know just that, every sweaty gory little detail. It started to border on voyeurism & I failed to see what good such knowledge would ultimately accomplish, other than making it harder for him to reconnect emotionally with his wife.

[luvstarved]

I DON'T believe it is possible to heal and move on as long as lies are still hanging in the air.

 

I also don't think it is necessary to pore over every sweaty physical detail.

 

I would say as a rule of thumb, the WS should answer the BS's questions openly and truthfully. If there becomes too much pressing for details, I would discourage, say what's the point in that, do you really want to replay this movie, etc, maybe even trot out articles that talk about how it isn't the greatest idea to do that because it does seem to weigh in the BS's memory...but in the end, I'd probably answer any question presented to me truthfully...