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Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 29th August 2006, 8:06 AM   #1
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Men, Women, Sex & Marriage....

This is a question that has been in the back of my head for quite awhile. Lately it has been pushing itself to the front. Today it forced me to type it.

How many women who have been married for ten or more years still ENJOY having sex with their husbands at least once a week? And if you do, what is it that keeps you enjoying it? (Notice..."enjoy" sex means still get wildly passionate and have orgasms.)

And if you do not, why not? What changed everything? What would bring back the drive?

This is really a question for women only....and for women who have been married more than ten years. I suppose if it is a candid answer from men about their wives of over ten years....okay.

What is my reason? I read so often of women who can't understand women who no longer like sex because they still do. When I learn more, these women that still like sex are not married or have been married shortly. In my own marriage, we have had huge downs...few ups in the sex department. We went for about four good it is on the downside. We have been married over 16 years. (She needs "emotional connection" to want it...another story). I saw the other thread with the article that marriage kills sex...and this made me wonder...Is it true?

I am not sure how many women there are out there who have been married this long, but I am listening.
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Old 29th August 2006, 8:30 AM   #2
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My husband and I have been married for 11 years and together for 13. I still love it and enjoy it. HOWEVER, there was a time that I could take it or leave it. Not becasue I didn't love him or didn't find him attractive etc. I think for me it was the fact he stopped doing things he once did. For example little things mean alot to me, and they came to a halt not long after our first child was born, who is now 9 and has a sister who is 6. I began to back off of iniating the sex sometimes because I felt I was being under appreciated or taken for granted. I didn't say I stopped sex all together, but I just didn't iniate as much. I can say now though, things are somewhat better, becasue he has once again began to help me more with things and is doing things he once did.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

~Dr. Suess~
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Old 29th August 2006, 9:26 AM   #3
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Whether it's 16 weeks or 16 years, no emotional connection == no good sex.
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Old 29th August 2006, 9:28 AM   #4
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Have you guys read His Needs Her Needs??

I'm re reading it and alot of things are leaping out at me. The author mentions in there that the reason that women stop wanting sex as much as they did before is because the men stop treating them like they did before. I suspected this myself- having been married the first time 13 years but now a marriage counselor- world famous one at that- confirms it?

You guys should read it. It's fabulous.
Sweetie, it's all true!
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Old 30th August 2006, 3:56 PM   #5
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Just like Love itself, James.... I think it's a CHOICE.
My opinion, of course.... but Love isn't something that just happens to you. It's not like a hole in the ground that you "fall" into. It's a choice. It's a verb. An action. Something you choose every day.

Lovemaking can be the same. You have to choose it. You have to make time for it. You have to decide that it's going to be meaningful to you. If it's important to your partner... it needs to be important to you. Otherwise, you haven't prioritized your partner's needs as if they were your own.
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