Rebuilding Trust

[trevty]

My wife and I have been together for 5 years and have a mixed family that includes 5 children (2 mine, 18 & 13 and 3 hers 12, 11, 8). We own our own business and have worked togetherfor 3 years doing that as well as the day to day things that come up with 5 kids at these ages.

 

Our relationship began when we were neighbors and developed into us both divorcing and getting married. I don't need to get into the details of how badly this process was, but I will say that my wife, her exhusband, and I work very well together dealing with all issues and he is welcome in our home. My exwife is not and through the course of our divorce and co-parenting has used our 13yo as a tool that made him spiteful towards myself, but moreso my wife.

 

My wife did a great job of being upfront with her ex about everything, I did not! She got to watch me sidestep and lie to my ex to avoid conflict and basiclly take what most called the easy road. As we all know, it is not what you think it is! Through seeing me this way, I think my wife saw me as not fully trustworthy to begin with! But we talked about everything and worked hard to do the right things for the children and us. Always telling each other everything. We have been very happy and doing well with our business. We have a new house and no one goes without in our family. All seem well. Then in January we were working together one afternoon at one of the car dealships we do business with and it got to be the time of day when we had to start getting kids off the bus and so on, so my wife left and I stayed to finish up. I got hung up with the owner chatting and also turning in slips for the work we did. I lost track of time and was "slowsteping" through the afternoon, when my wife called and said where are you? I'm still at the dealership finishing up! She says that I seemed funny on the phone and when we hung up she called someone there and asked if I had left, he said yes! I had not left though, just out of this person's sight. However it happened my wife desided that I was not telling the truth, confronted me and did not accept my explaination as the truth. It passed and was not dealt with. In March while working together again we spilt up to do different things and I went to see a friend of our's a another dealership. He was stuck at the dealership and asked me to cash a check for him to have some money. Sure, no problem and I am off. I called my wife and said this is what I am doing, see you soon. When I return with his money, my wife is sitting in his office asking where I went! I told her and she was not pleased with the anwser, since he had direct deposit, she didn't understand why??? I just cashed a personal check for $30 for him I said! We left the dealership and continued discussing it at home, again ending with my wife saying she is black & white and can't process what I am saying as the truth! This all stays the same, with noticable changes in how my wife was acting since January.

 

Then last Friday my wife confronted me with my cell phone bill and asked why I was deleting the number of a guy she has known since middle school and has always sold pot. She knew he had a truck he wanted us to fix (we do touch-up repairs on cars), some of the work was outside what we do and I told her that, but the rest of the work we could do and make some extra money. Well for the better part of the last 3 months I have played phone tag with this guy to the tune of 53 calls showing on my cell phone bill (we spoke either side of dozen times) trying to line up the time to do this job. My wife thinks because I didn't tell her and was deleting his number, that was doing something else. I explained that I knew she did not like him and that I only wanted the work and had spoken with him about fly fishing flies that he could use around here right now (different flies for when each fly hatches during the season kind of thing). This again was not black and white and she does not think I am telling the truth.

 

We are now dealing with the fact that my wife is unsure if she will EVER be able to trust me again. We are sleeping in different rooms, spending minimal time together, and having some heated discussions about my lieing. This has left us both emotionally exhusted and me wondering if I am about to lose my bestfriend and wife in one fowl swoop! I love her more then life itself and can't see life without us together. One of the real problems we have with this is that she is scared to see someone for the fear she might find out that she can not go on with me because of her distrust for me. She has spoken to an attorney about the legal remafications of this guy getting busted and my phone number being in his phone, to which the attorney told her to turn and run from me before she losses everything because of this. She is confiding in a friend about this and I am not sure how that will go. The friend is a nice women who seems levelheaded enough to give her a hand.

 

I guess I am looking for some insight. I am a good man who made a stupid mistake. What can I do??

 

Please Help,

 

Trevty

 

I should never have deleted the number from my phone and respected her dislike for this person