seppy1 Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Where do I begin.... This is such a long complicated thing. Bottom line is I have been married for just over 6 months to a man I dated for 3.5 years before marrying. We are now expecting our first and possibly only child and I truly believe he does not love me. I would be happy to go into detail but really don't want to bore anyone. So if anyone is interested or even thinks they can help me, I will gladly go on Lost and alone Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Where do I begin.... This is such a long complicated thing. Bottom line is I have been married for just over 6 months to a man I dated for 3.5 years before marrying. We are now expecting our first and possibly only child and I truly believe he does not love me. I would be happy to go into detail but really don't want to bore anyone. So if anyone is interested or even thinks they can help me, I will gladly go on Lost and alone Post it and we'll advise. Link to post Share on other sites
nicole_anne Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 post your story and we will be more than happy to listen and give advice to the best of our knowledge Link to post Share on other sites
Author seppy1 Posted April 30, 2006 Author Share Posted April 30, 2006 When we started dating almost 4 years ago now, the first 6 months as ususal were bliss. At that time we only thought we were dating, so after a little bit we became physically involved. It was great. Then we started to get serious talking about moving in together and eventually getting married. We got our first place together and everything stopped. No more dating wooing and most importantly no more sex or intamacy. He was slightly old fashioned and really wanted to cut back til we were married. I respected that and all though it didn't cut out completely it slowed down A LOT!. Well we planned the wedding despite his evil evil parents disapproval. The night before our wedding we both went out with friends, but decided to come home to one another, that morning of our wedding we were feeling pretty good from the hours prior very relaxed and well, now we are expecting our first baby. Of course we didn't know that moment so we got married went on our honeymoom, had a FABULOUS week, and had sex 2 and 3 times a day. We came home a week later, and found out already that I was pregnant. Instantly the sex stopped. We were and are both stoked about the baby but as most men my hubby thinks he will hurt the baby. So we have had sex ONCE since I have been pregnant, I am 7+months. The only reason I got that is cause I spent the day and played nice with his parents. Now last weekend we had a nice day together for the first time in I couldn't tell you how long and we flirted and had plans to go for it that night, FINALLY!!!!! But we stopped by my parents house and my sis in law said "oh you guys can't have sex at this point right" I said no you were high risk that's why you couldn't. She said oh my doc told me no from this point to this point. My hubby said oh I like here doc I don't think we should do ANYTHING till the baby is born. Aside from no sex, he comes to bed later than me watches tv in another room, and never goes an extra inch for me let alone the extra mile. No flowers no nothing, nothing to make up for the fact that for whatever reason it be we have no intimate relationship. I feel like he only married me to spite his parents and now regrets it. At this point we are nothing more than roommates. What can I do. I have talked, cried, yelled, I am running out of love. If I don't sound like a car or have a keyboard he wants nothing to do with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 You've begun your marriage and your family all at once. You two didn't really have time to establish yourselves as a domestic couple before you needed to plan for a new addition. Guys sometimes get really weird when they become fathers. Some are actually afraid to make love during pregnancy for fear that they'll hurt the baby. Some are so put-off by the presence of the unborn child that they feel anxious and can't perform. On the other hand, there are other guys who are completely unbothered. Impending fatherhood can also be a risky time in the relationship due to extramarital affairs. Some guys are so worried about the lifetime of responsibility facing them....that they completely flake out. They sometimes feel trapped in a situation where they are worried about being inadaquate as a parent and leader of the family. And when they do, there's just a myriad of stinking-thinking that can go through their heads as they deal with this kind of anxiety. My point is...this might not be about YOU. He might love you PLENTY. If he's scared though, he's unlikely to show it much. The TV and the computer usage suggest escapism. But depending on what kind of stuff he's involved in on the internet....you could be facing a real threat to your marriage. Anxiety can cause emotional distancing and emotional distance can present a risk of infidelity. Sometimes these guys turn outside the marriage for distraction. They often haven't identified the source of the problem for themselves. It feels vague and insurmountable, so they assume it's the fault of their partner, never realizing that it's their own anxiety. It's unfortunate that at a time when a new mother could use more reassurance...sometimes the dad has freaked out and needs more attention. But it happens. I'm curious as to why his folks don't like you though. What's up with that? This too is causing a strain in the marriage. What would it take to resolve the conflict? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 He might have a Madonna/Whore complex. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 There is a reason why people say you should wait at least a year before starting your family after you get married, you may have dated a long time but marriage does changes things and it gives you a chance to get to know eachother on a personal level that way, it can really bring a strain on a relationship. I know this wasn't planned persay but that might give you some insight. If he did marry you out of spite then you need to find out sooner rather then later so you can get out of this relationship and you both can find someone that makes you trly happy, that being said, it might also be that he is just freaked out about having sex with you preggers Have you talked to him about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Beyond that he may just be overwhelmed. Things have moved very fast, probably too fast. perhaps after the baby's born things will begin to normalize and settle in. If not, better to find out sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 You are just moving through some stages of marriage at a fast pace. The first year of marriage really can be difficult. It's a big psychological adjustment as you both start learning how to function as a team. Here's a fact; men and women communicate differently. Communication can break down at many points throughout a marriage simply because your way of discussing things and his way of discussing things won't always mesh. Trust me; every married couple out there has had times where they felt that the other spouse didn't 'get' them, care about them, respect them or understand them. It takes time, patience and courage to deal with these feelings and learn how to maneuver through the difficult times. If you feel talking hasn't helped, try writing a letter to your husband. Sometimes taking a few days away from each other helps; you might want to go visit a friend or family for a couple of days on your own, just so you can both reflect on things You could bring up counseling; is there someone you both trust? A pastor or a therapist you could see? There are other ways to express affection besides sex; you can rub each other's feet, take a bath together, read to each other or hold hands. Ask your husband to do these things with you. I hope you can work this out. Sounds like he is freaked out about becoming a parent and is feeling scared and alone too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 We were and are both stoked about the baby but as most men my hubby thinks he will hurt the baby. So we have had sex ONCE since I have been pregnant, I am 7+months. The only reason I got that is cause I spent the day and played nice with his parents. Now last weekend we had a nice day together for the first time in I couldn't tell you how long and we flirted and had plans to go for it that night, FINALLY!!!!! But we stopped by my parents house and my sis in law said "oh you guys can't have sex at this point right" I said no you were high risk that's why you couldn't. She said oh my doc told me no from this point to this point. My hubby said oh I like here doc I don't think we should do ANYTHING till the baby is born. Sorry, I dont want to make you feel bad, but unless you DOC say no sex, SEX is perfectly fine while pregnant! I had sex all the way up until days before my baby was born. Actually, the Dr. reccommend we have sex to help start contractions. So, unfortunalty your byfriend is completly ignorant, or there is something else going on. But, please dont let anyone (Boyfriend, sis-in-law) other than your dr or nurse tell you you cant have sex while pregnant..... even if you are ready to pop! Link to post Share on other sites
Annacabana Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 You could have him come with you to an OB appointment and then ask the doctor if it is ok to have sex. Maybe hearing it from a professional will help ease his mind. If you are not high risk it is safe to have sex up until your water has broken. In the last part of pregnancy sex helps bring on labor when it is time. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob Dole Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 When we started dating almost 4 years ago now, the first 6 months as ususal were bliss. At that time we only thought we were dating, so after a little bit we became physically involved. It was great. Then we started to get serious talking about moving in together and eventually getting married. We got our first place together and everything stopped. No more dating wooing and most importantly no more sex or intamacy. Welcome to reality. I suspect too many Hollywood movies have distorted your view of marriage and romance. Link to post Share on other sites
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