Our Intimacy has Returned! Will It Stay?

[JamesM]

I am happy to report some huge successes. As many of you may have read my “story”, I won’t repeat it, but you can find it at my other two threads here.

 

Much advice has been given to me, and I have been “listening” to it. I have purchased a number of books and researched many websites on the Internet. One person in particular on another Board…..called “kml” gave me the most key bit of information. He or she recommended that I visit a website http://www.drlowes.com which gave information regarding hypothyroidism. Kittenchick on this Board also directed me to researching hypothyroidism as a cause of her low libido. My wife has had that since she was a teenager. She has always taken a T4 med (synthroid) commonly prescribed by doctors. This website gave her info regarding meds which targeted the T3 number of thyroid tests. Despite our doctor not knowing much about it and despite his lack of confidence in this med helping, my wife has been taking it for a week. The results thus far are rather dramatic. By far the majority of her pains and fatigue associated with her fibromyalgia diagnosis have disappeared. Her mood fluctuations are now much, much more stable and pleasant. I have been holding my breath, afraid that it will not stay, but one week has gone by, and we are still looking good. By the way, she said my hopes are up to high. She will remain skeptical for at least a couple of months.

 

As you have read, my main concern which brought me to this Board is our lack of intimacy. She had decided that she no longer needed sex, nor wanted it. Since I wanted it, then it must be my selfishness. The anger that has built up inside of me has been sometimes overwhelming. I felt that I either had to fix it or leave it. My hope is that this med has fixed much more than our intimacy problem. Well, we have had some conversations regarding it, but nothing changed until she began taking this new medicine. She has become more affectionate and loving. She said it was because she was not living in pain. However, no actual lovemaking occurred.

 

On Monday, I went to bed as usual. She sat and read while I went to bed. Earlier in the day, I promised her a massage at night if she wanted it. She said it was a date. However, as the evening wore on, nothing was said. I was afraid to mention it because I did not want it to be interpreted as asking for sex. I woke up about an hour and a half later to find her still up. Dumb me, I asked if she was avoiding me regarding the massage. Of course, this led into a discussion about intimacy. It seemed that all of my frustration and anguish came bubbling out. I was asking when this would change and would it ever. She said she didn’t need it as before. This time I pretty much said what I wrote in my letter (second thread) including if she felt she could just stop, yet expect me to remain faithful, this was not fair. She said it would be morally wrong for me to cheat. I said that how is it different if she refuses to participate in sex. Well, thinking I really screwed up, I did tell her that no I had no desire to cheat, but if she would read through the book (The Sex Starved Marriage), which I had just read, it would explain my feelings as to why I felt it was so important to our relationship. Then I went to bed.

 

I didn’t see her again until the next day (Tuesday) when I came home for lunch. It was a long morning, and I was expecting the worst. Amazingly, this was not to be. She had a nice meal made for me, and was in a pleasant mood. She told me that she did look through the book and sat up thinking of all of the things I did for her, and why she loved me. We sat and cuddled on the couch…another first in a long time activity. She told me that she loved me very much, and she was surprised by how much that I loved her. She was sorry for how she was, but be patient, she was coming around. And she did…faster than I thought.

 

That night after we went to bed, we had the best lovemaking we have had in at least three to four years. Truthfully, I think longer. She was more responsive than I have known her to be since before she had begun complaining of pain and fatigue. It was like…well, the first time. I cannot express my joy and gratitude for the time we had together. Of course, I am skeptical if it will continue, but we will wait and see.

 

Did she fake it? She cannot. Physically, she shows an o. Is it temporary? I currently doubt it because it is so unusual compared to any time we have had since before her fibromyalgia was diagnosed six years ago. I think she made a decision to enjoy it and was surprised by how she responded. I know I was.

 

I am posting this to give encouragement to others who feel that their situation is hopeless. I also recommend to anyone who has been diagnosed with any sort of hypothyroidism…or who has a spouse who has been…to check out the website I mentioned. It is especially advisable if the symptoms of hypothyroidism remain even after taking a T4 med.

 

I am waiting to see if this lasts. I know life isn’t always so simple, but yet, I have often wondered if the solution to her physical ailment and our problems might come down to one simple thing. Thanks for putting up with all my moaning and groaning…you have all contributed to my solutions and things I have tried. I know that our situation would not have changed without much of the advice I have received. I am sure I will be asking for much more advice as we go along.

[Mz. Pixie]

That's great James!

[JamesM]

The website is http://www.drlowe.com. There is no "s."

[Citizen Erased]

Wow, I remember your last thread this is great that you have come this far. I am so happy for you! If you want this to last, I suggest that you now try out all of those romantic gestures you had stored up but werent able to do eg suprise romantic holiday. Thanks for posting again!

[silktricks]

Congratulations!!! I'm so glad that you spoke to your wife!

[Ladyjane14]

This is good news, James.

 

Whatever happens next, you have the comfort of knowing that you're proactive in your life and that YOUR actions really do make a difference.