tigger Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 and he doesn't? Hi, I'm new and reading the wife doesn't want it stuff! I understand that is the total norm...in my case, it's vice versa. But you kinda need to know my background a little to understand where I am coming from. Before my current relationship - I had an awful 13 year relationship with a man that was not nice. During those 13 years, I gained weight, and not a little, I'll admit. So when the end came, he had decided he wanted to date my friend and she too....it was interesting! On his way out, he was talking about why him and I never had sex and the words that ring through my head are, "you aren't sexually attractive". Well then. What does one do with that. Well like an vengeful woman, I lost all the weight - rebelled and got a tattoo. Wellllll, he came crawling back. AH - WRONG! Anyway - with that being known now, my current relationship is AWESOME! I swear we are soul mates. Initially, as with most relationships we had sex all the time. Since, it's dropped off, and I'm lucky if I get it once or twice a month. Sex with him is the best sex I have ever had, and I'm no spring chicken - I was 33 when we met. I've spoken with him about it several times, and told him that it really bothers me and makes me feel lonely. He says he just doesn't have a big sex drive (never has), and that cuddling and holding each other is more important to him. Ummmmm....whoa, situation reversal? I think the reason I want it so bad is because honestly, it's never been so fun or good. In addition, I'll catch him masturbating (via clues - and I confront him and he admits it). So....why do you masturbate if you don't want to have sex with me? I understand masturbating feels awesome, I do it myself, but I'd rather do it with someone than alone. Trust me, my big o's are much longer and strong when I masturbate...so I understand, but I can't understand his not wanting to have sex with me. I have talked with him about this several times, and I always get the "I'll work on it" bit, but....I haven't seen improvement yet. Every other aspect of our lives is great. We have so much fun together, and have many things in common - but I'm having a very hard time dealing with this. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 The masterbation thing is normal, but if he is choosing it over having sex with you, then it's a problem. Next time you catch him masterbating, help him out with it. Have fun and take advantage of the situation! Maybe you'll get lucky! Another thing is, if he is telling you he isn't sexual anymore or never really has had a high sex drive, there isn't much you can do to change that... But that doesn't mean you give up, either. Talk to him and just tell him how it makes you feel. How lonely you are and you want him to desire you. Even if he doesn't feel up to actually having sex, he can still please you in other ways...And I'm sure that once he is down there, pleasing you, he'll change his mind and get into it more. Change your routines. Have romantic getaways. Go on a date, and be silly. Maybe there's too much stress and daily predictions of life right now and shaking things up may help. Most of us at some point settle into life a certain way. Sometimes you wanna have sex, but the couch looks so comfy, a good show is on TV and you're tired, it's just easier to flake out and relax, then go to bed early, have a bath together and then have sex...It's not the right thing to do, but most couples lives are so busy, it's hard to find and MAKE the time to spend together. Keep talking to him! Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 A lot of sex drive loss has to do with how we see ourselves. It also has to do with general health and weight. If you look good, and feel good, you will want more sex! Has he gained weight and fallen out of shape? When I gained weight I lost some of the drive because I simply couldn't perform at the level I used to and was a little ashamed of that. I lost 30 pounds and got more active. Things started looking up again after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigger Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 Thank for the advice. I completely agree with it being about how we see ourselves - and understand it. And I do still give him the nudge nudge...wink wink, but sometimes I'd really like to have the moves put on me again. Thanks again, this has taken a little getting used to, actually, I'm not quite used to it. In my old relationship, it didn't matter than he didn't want me, because I certainly didn't want him either. But, now - it's a totally different story. Link to post Share on other sites
MusicWoman Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 start sleeping naked?? hehe Link to post Share on other sites
uncool Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 So what's yer phone # Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts