Sobert Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Love my wife more than live itself, but I'm an idiot and didn't give her the attention she needed. She's told me she wants out and I don't know what to do. We've been together 20 years, and its like she just shut it off.... although its probably been years in the making. I've said I'm sorry for my faults, told her I will change and agreed to prove it over time. I want to start off as friends again and build a life together with our two sons, 5 & 9. We're comfortably well off together, but apart she would need to get a job and not live nearly as well. I don't want that to be a factor, but our sons will be there 50% of the time. She is being mean now, and saying hurtful things.... "I don't love you anymore... I'm leaving... I can't stand the sight of you" does she really mean these things or is she trying to get "even" so we can move on? Should I take this all on face value? Ladies, do you say things you don't mean or should I really be looking at being alone again? All I need is ONE MORE chance to make it right! I love her, and I love our family.... I can't let it all just slip away.... Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 All I need is ONE MORE chance to make it right! I love her, and I love our family.... I can't let it all just slip away.... Suggestions? One person cannot hold a relationship together. It takes two people dedicated to preserving it and fully committed to working on it. The first thing I'd do would be to see if she's willing to leave no stone unturned to save the marriage by agreeing to go to couples counseling with you. If she will, there's a chance the marriage can be saved. If she won't agree, you may wish to start counseling yourself to deal with your part in the downfall of the marriage. Perhaps she'll see you're sincere and reconsider. Even if she doesn't, you can become a better person and future partner for someone else so you will have lost nothing. Whatever you do, don't let "guilt" over what she'll have to do and how she and the children will live rob you of common sense and all your assets. Dad deserves a life, too, and if hers is less than yours, keep in mind who wants to leave. Don't make guilt-driven decisions in haste that will dog you for the rest of your life. Also, get a consultation with a good framily law attorney to protect yourself and your future. You deserve to have one, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Sadly, once one person in the marriage decides it's over, chances are not good that it will work out. I'm hoping for your sake, your children's sake that she gives you both a chance to make it all good again. Considered going to marriage counselling together? Why not discuss it with her. Say give the marriage 6 months, so each of you can fix things. You can show your wife that you DO love her, meet her needs and she can dig down and find that passion and love she has for you, bring it to life again...It would be a shame if the marriage, 20 years of history is thrown away because she just wants to end it without trying her best to see if it will work. I have a question. I'm sorry to ask this, but is it possible she's met someone else? The fact she has so much resentment towards you and has emotionally detached herself from you is making me think...I mean, most women just don't turn off like that unless they really have felt negected. It's partially her fault as well as yours...I mean, in the past did she TELL you that she was unhappy? Give you a chance to make it better? Or now, all of a sudden she's wanting out? That is why I'm wondering if she's met someone. Sorry for your pain, but please talk to her. Good luck and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 when i said it was over, i meant it. we did counseling, at his request, but i felt like i had come so far to leave, i just wasn't ever going back. he took 100% of the blame for the downfall in our marriage (which i know is not realistic) and promised he'd change, yet again. i just wasn't hearing it anymore...my mind was made up. but everyone is different and our relationships are different. so who knows? don't try and use the financial position as a reason for her to stay, though...money does not buy happiness. if she is that unhappy, she is going to leave. has she hired an attorney yet? for me, that was the first step in my leaving. once i did, the ball started rolling to put my plan into action. ps: at the end before i left just the sight of him sickened me.... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Also, get a consultation with a good framily law attorney to protect yourself and your future. yeah or see four or five of them....that's what my xH did years ago...pulled a tony soprano on me! i had to go like four counties away to find my pitbull! Link to post Share on other sites
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