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Boyfriend committed hit and run

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Old 11th February 2006, 11:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy Boyfriend committed hit and run

Yup...he sure did. My sweet, gentle, caring boyfriend drove recklessly (I'm guessing), crossed over the yellow line on a twisty road, sideswiped another truck at 80+ mph combined speed, and then kept on going. He did not stop and see if anyone was hurt. He ran.

Worse yet, he successfully evaded law enforcement until such time as testing for blood alcohol was moot. He says he was not under the influence despite having had two beers. He did not tell me about the collision or his fleeing the scene until 24 hours had passed.

This is in the Marriage forum because...I was hoping for a future with this man. In fact, we were halfway planning it. This has pulled me up short.

* The drinking and driving
* The recklessness
* Fleeing the scene without checking whether someone needed his help
* Putting himself at the mercy of the justice system, which looks set to hammer him pretty hard

In case you're wondering, his driving and criminal records were spotless, and he was properly licensed and insured. So most people wonder...why would you run? And that's the question he can't answer. He can't prove he was not impaired. And although he has not been charged with DUI (just with hit and run and crossing the yellow line), still I am sure the prosecutor and judge will be thinking "DUI-er ran to avoid the Breathalyzer, so let's show him no mercy". I can't be 100% sure that they are not right.

This behavior - the poor judgment and the lack of regard for other people - is completely at odds with what I have seen of him. So, which is the real person? The one I thought I knew, or the one who does this?
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Old 12th February 2006, 12:04 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by hidemenow
Yup...he sure did. My sweet, gentle, caring boyfriend drove recklessly (I'm guessing), crossed over the yellow line on a twisty road, sideswiped another truck at 80+ mph combined speed, and then kept on going. He did not stop and see if anyone was hurt. He ran.
If your BF already has reported to the Police, then your post will not hurt. But if not... your post can be tracked down to the place you live. You can't track down any LoveShack post if you are a regular user unless you somehow hack LoveShack. However, I'm sure that moderators and administrators can check the IP address of a post. Once you have an IP, often (not always) you can figure out where the person lives (you physical address).
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Old 12th February 2006, 12:11 AM   #3
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Um, I think she said that she said he was about to get hammered in court, so I think the police already know.
Heavily medicated for your safety.
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Old 12th February 2006, 12:14 AM   #4
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You have to get your boyfriend to get a lawyer.

Talk to your family. This is very serious!

Also, if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, convince him to go talk to the Police.

He better DO the right thing and face the music. Own up to his mistake and suffer the consquences of his actions. AND he should quit drinking and GO to AA meetings asap. He was drinking and driving. He left the scene of an accident, with possibly doing horrible damage to someone, or even killing them. He should be scared.

Last edited by whichwayisup; 12th February 2006 at 12:17 AM..
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Old 12th February 2006, 1:08 AM   #5
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can't even imagine how you feel.

Based upon your description of this man, I think you should stick around and see how he's going to handle the mess. Everyone, no matter how wonderful, is prone to very poor judgement. He may have really high expectations of himself. The thought of being bagged for DUI might have seemed intolerable to him. Fearing the ignominy, he chose very poorly and bolted. In my opinon, his behavior in the months to come should be telling of his mettle. Don't copy his behavior of running away without thinking clearly.

You can get through this! Best wishes to you...
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Old 12th February 2006, 4:49 AM   #6
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Two Beers? Some thoughts on that.

Okay, two beers, lets suppose run of the mill american beers like Budweiser, aren't going to put you at .08 BAC, which is the usual limit. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't put a 150 lb person at .04 BAC. It seems highly unlikely that he drank this little. I think he should own up to how much he was drinking.

Another possibility: drugs. Does he take any prescription mediciation? Sometimes prescriptions and alcohol can mix and cause serious problems. Is it possible that he used illegal drugs as well and isn't mentioning it?

I might be way off base here, but it seems like there's something more to this than two beers if your boyfriend is generally reliable person.

I wish you strength as this ordeal unfolds.
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Old 12th February 2006, 9:03 PM   #7
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You're right tweldy, he is on maintenance prescription meds, and some pretty heavy-duty ones at that. His doctor is great, and monitors him closely, but I believe you are correct in suggesting that the alcohol/meds combo is a part of this. I'm as certain as one can be that he doesn't use illegal drugs.

As far as two beers goes: he's actually 220 lbs, and I've also heard from law enforcement that everyone who has been drinking says they have had "just two beers". Some of them are even telling the truth.

Thanks so much to everyone for you caring interest in my problem. As far as going to my know, that is something I have never even considered. My bf and I have both agreed that this one will be kept as silent as the grave. His family knows part of it...and mine knows nothing. You have really given me something to think about. It's definitely a pattern for me not to admit that things are wrong to my family. We're not that close. When my marriage was falling apart, due partially to my husband's mental illness, no one knew.

Some instinct in me has said, "Cover this one up." Something about shame, I guess...
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Old 13th February 2006, 3:55 AM   #8
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The Meds...

Okay, with the meds thing its pretty clear that his doctor needs to know he's drinking b/c this could be a *major* problem. When you say 'heavy' maintainence meds this raises a major red flag. Sometimes people don't really take a doctor seriously when they say, "Don't drink alchol with this". It is possible your BF may have had an experience on par with a minor psychotic episode due to drug interactions. I do not want to scare you but I feel its really important to communicate the potential severity of this situation.

I highly advise you to contact his doctor and tell him this story right away and spare no detail. A couple of positive impacts this could have are:
1) It could tell the doctor his prescriptions need adjusting and/or the doctor needs to impress upon your BF that no alcohol can be consumed on these meds.
2) It could help the legal situation if a doctor is able to testify on your BFs behalf and explain that although your BF should have not been drinking, his actions can be cosigned to the reaction of alcohol and his meds.
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Old 13th February 2006, 10:54 AM   #9
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If you're the gf of the guy who posted, believe him. If he doesn't usually drink to the point of drunkenness then it's unfair to suspect that he was drinking. I suspect it was more likely that he was speeding, as too many people are wont to do.

When you're his wife, he'll either be out with you where you can see how much he's had to drink and take his keys if he drinks more than the recommended amount for driving or else when he comes home from someplace you'll know if he's drunk and you can insist that he call you if he is drinking and needs a ride home.

If he's as remorseful in person as he is in his post, then I think you're being too hard on him.
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Old 13th February 2006, 4:06 PM   #10
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If he ran, he probably felt he was at risk of a DUI. This is partially the fault of all the zero tolerance laws making a first time DUI conviction so serious and so easy to get. They can arrest you if you fail either the roadside sobriety test, or the breathalyzer. That's why they'll give you both, but only if you pass the roadside test. You can be under the legal BAC limit or have no BAC and STILL be arrested for DUI! Prescription drugs are no excuse! This kind of vulnerability panics otherwise law-abiding citizens into doing something stupid, like running. You're right, if he fled the scene, they will come down hard on him in court.

Being a first offense though, give the guy a break. Give him hell when it's all over, but don't leave him because of it. If he was an addict or a truly bad person, he'd have a history of some sort.
The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.
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Old 13th February 2006, 7:15 PM   #11
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Re: Prescription drugs are no excuse!

Prescription drugs, particularly psychoactive ones, are not an exact science and can induce a state of mind that can lead people to do things they would never do otherwise. If you're taking a prescription medication, particularly a potent one, and the doctor has made it clear you shouldn't be drinking, you've violated the doctor/patient trust and you are responsible for what happens as a result even if you can't really control yourself as you normally would be able after that point.

Sometimes people don't understand how serious this is. Some psych meds combined with alcohol can cause severe reactions; psychosis, for example. The doctor really should know about this event whether he/she concludes it had nothing to do with the meds, or everything to do with the meds.

If it does have something to do with his medication, its not going to get this guy off scott free. However, it might convince the prosecution, for example, to offer a more gentle plea bargain such as 4 years of probation instead of 2 years of jail.
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