EndoftheRope Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 "The Script" is a book that claims to tell the exact steps every cheating man takes, without fail, from even before he starts cheating. Just curious what others' opinions are of this book. I have read everything from scorn to praise for it. So I guess that's Question Number One. One of the early steps they cite is telling the wife she needs help-- mental help, therapy, etc. Interestingly, that is exactly what's going on here. Most recently, I was told that I need therapy because I see insults where there are none. This from the man who has spent the last 13 years telling me his various family, friends, and co-workers have a variety of negative opinions about me. (Many of them have never actually met me, and are going by what he says.) And after telling me repeatedly over the years how badly so many people think of me, he now acts surprised that I would think they don't like me! Hence, I need therapy! He's taking it a step further and is apparently discussing me with a psychiatric nurse with whom he works, and has told me she suggested I have a chemical imbalance as a result of multiple pregnancies! So he's flying with this one. It apparently makes more sense to him that I have a chemical imbalance than that maybe he has been pretty critical and hurtful over the years. So Question Number 2: Is it legal or medically ethical for a woman who has never met me, who has heard only whatever he tells her, to be offering suggestions of that sort?? I have no intention of making any stink for her over it-- my husband is a 'nice guy' and a real charmer, and I'm sure he came to her with the "I'm so concerned about my poor wife" routine and she was trying to help. But I would like to put my husband on notice one way or another that HE needs to stop pulling this on me. Question Number 3: The book's advice is that these men are setting the stage for everyone to feel sorry for them dealing with their neurotic wives who refuse to get help, so that they don't look bad for finally seeking love elsewhere (blahblahblah). It says do not let this charge go unanswered. HOW? Thoughts on this? Am I doing the right thing? He has suggested that the problems in our marriage are NOT that he has now twice set up secret e-mail accounts and has 'friendships' with women I've never heard of, nor his running me down to friends, nor any of the other 'stuff,' but solely that I'm depressed. Fine-- I'm taking herbal remedies. Yes, I actually do feel better about life since I started. But it has not in any way changed my view of this marriage, or that you only hide what needs to be hidden, or that it's really hurtful to tell others negative things about your spouse and then carry tales back to your spouse about how badly they now think of you! I started looking for a counselor today, although I did ask him, if the problem is that I'm chemically imbalanced, how is it that a normal healthy person would respond to being constantly told all their faults and the reasons why their spouse's friends, family, and co-workers think so badly of them? :scratching head: And how is the counselor going to tell me I should feel about this or deal with this? He didn't have an answer for that. I am seeking a counselor for my own reasons, but I do wonder if this will be taken by him as an admission that I believe his behavior is acceptable and I'm the problem? Or will it be beneficial in having the counselor support me that this is maybe not a nice thing to do to your spouse? He has twice told me he's arranging marriage counseling for us, btw, so hopefully there is some hope there. But in the meantime, any thoughts or advice? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Yes I have some advice honey but you wont like it! LEAVE HIM! Get the hell away from him, HE is the one who needs therapy and HE is the one who is fekkin nuts! He sounds narcisstic - Here is a link to a great site - Check it out and see if you can relate his behaviour to some of the links there [COLOR=#800080]The Abuser Pages[/COLOR] Good luck honey x Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Ok...I only skimmed the book but...from what I read, it was pretty accurate in terms of my own experience. The making you crazy thing...they do that because they have to lie to cover up what they're doing. And YOU have an instinct. And you bring up your suspicions, and they make you crazy....cause stuff does not add up and yet they will still lie straight to your face till they are blue in the face. If you take one piece of advice...take this. You are not crazy. If you suspect something, you're probably right. Listen to your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 OY, I see red flags popping up all over this place. This man is classic manipulator, from what i can gather from your one post. It also sounds like he makes you feel TERRIBLE about yourself. You'd probably recover from your 'neuroses' much faster by removing him from your existance....as opposed to spending thousands of dollars on therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EndoftheRope Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 Lishy, thanks for the link. I did look at it. Yes, he has some of those traits, but nowhere near enough to qualify. Honestly, I think that he's got the opposite problem of narcissism. I've long thought he's so insecure and fails to see his own talents and good qualities that he's scared of me and trying to 'knock me down to size.' For what that's worth. I'm not excusing it, and right now I'd agree with the site that he's totally lacking in any empathy or ability (or desire) to see anything from anyone else's point of view. I just think it's insecurity-- like if he ADMITS he's been a jerk, I'll notice it and leave him??? And if he doesn't admit he's been hurtful, I won't notice? :duh: Link to post Share on other sites
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