4ever loveless Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 OK - many problems with hubby. He has many issues that have caused irreversable damage to our relationship and they just keep happening. Kids are involved (1yr - 12yrs old) so leaving is no longer an option (at least for now). The issues are huge - he kept vital information from me about his past and mental issues he suffers from as a result. I am avid against drugs and the cat has exploded out of the bag that he is addicted to pot. He hides porn addiction and our sex life has dwindled to rare (1-2 times a month is near starving for me). He is a master manipulator and an expert liar. He is a loving father but has become an unresponsive corpse for a friend. I have lost the rare once very deep love for him and replaced it with a roommate affection type scenereo. Trust is gone all together. I know I will get the LEAVE HIM thing but not interested in it right now. We went to counciling but abruptly stopped when it came time for him to talk about him... I am past trying to save the marraige and have accepted that I will just have to learn to deal with the pain somehow.. I want to talk with someone real - just talk. Not try to sort out my mess for a life, just talk - I need someone to be interested in me - BADLY. I hope I can offer this someone a friend in return... Never been a cheater and never want to hurt myself or my children with this but NEED A FRIEND - A MALE FRIEND TO FILL THE GAP. I found Love Shack a while back when trying to deal with all of the pain but my hubby stumbled accross it and now knows my user name... I've found it some how theraputic to talk about my pain and anger and read others experiences but now feel exhausted from it all and want to stop trying. I need a friend. I am huge on family life so I focus MOST ALL OF MY TIME here and only have a few close friends that I don't want to drown with my problems. Is this wrong?? Everything out there seems to be wheeled around sex - dating - porn... WHere the heck do you go to just meet and talk with someone with no - creepers looking to score or cheat?? Please someone respond - I am so desperate. Even a chat room would ease the pain and lonelyness... Link to post Share on other sites
LifeBound Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Well. I am not going to exactly say what you were hoping for, but i am going to say what i think needs to be said. First off lets wipe any misconceptions from the table. To many times people fall into habits of giving labels to things in their life, when in reality, they are far from that picture perfect label. "He is a master manipulator and an expert liar." --- sure, but for him to be effective, you must be a master sucker. more importantly, how could you love someone that you claim is a master at such deceitful skills? I sometimes consider myself a step under Mastery at these skills, but I have actually used these skills on someone in a relationship about........ zero times? "I am past trying to save the marraige and have accepted that I will just have to learn to deal with the pain somehow" --- i got nausious when i read that statement. First off, take responsibility for your marraige. Either fix it or realize it can't be fixed and get out. Stop acting like a child and take responsibility for the decisions you have made in life. That doesn't mean to tuck your head down and run full speed through traffic. Relationship -> team effort. If therapy failed b/c he had to talk about himself.... Hmmm. " I need someone to be interested in me - BADLY" --- Most people could blame comments like this on ignorance or insecurity, but you clearly have stated that you see over that barrier however you also said that crossing the barrier is the last thing you want to do. All you want to do is turn around, sit down on the floor and play patty cake with someone new. Your asking for someone to be your friend so you can mentally detatch yourself from your present and very real life. It will offer you an escape and give you a ray of light past the huge black clouds. what would this really solve? ... those dark clouds are still there, and your kids must live in that storm as well. glad your thinking about those kids... I would offer advice on how i think to go about handling your husband, but clearly responsibility is the last thing on your mind and so helping is the last thing on mine. i sound harsh b/c i get sad for people who do anything but constantly promote a healthy relationship or have a will to learn how to. There is a world out there where having a good relationship is more then a dream. If you choose to just stay in your relationship the way it is, but more more importantly, the way your mind set is, good luck withering away for the next several decades. wake up Sal Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Why do you need a male friend? Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Great post LifeBound... Im not expecting her to reply to that! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I have serious doubts that a platonic friend would be good for you ( in your situation ). I know you want to talk to someone but I would do it on a forum like this and not get emotionally involved with a male friend. In your state it would be very easy for you to become much more than platonic ( even with the resolve you have ). Do you have brothers? They might be the best option if you want to talk to a male. Link to post Share on other sites
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