Abuse???

[Lizzard]

I have been married for six and a half years. I was married young at the age of 20. I met my future husband through a friend and he was older, more mature and very suave.( He is eight years older than me.) Within a ten month dating course we were married. In the beginning things were perfect. And I mean perfect. For the first three to four years of our marriage there were never any fights, never anything. We both worked hard, tried to make a good life for ourselves. We moved to a larger city and that is where things got weird. My husband hated city living and blamed me for the move and his unhappiness. In the two years we lived in the large city he had a total of five jobs. NOT something he is like. We moved back home, both leaving great jobs, wonderful pay and a beautiful house.

Now we live in a shack. (HONEST!) And he is like the biggest underachiever I have ever met. He runs his own business and doesn't crawl out of bed until almost noon, he comes home way after dark, and we hardly ever go to bed together anymore. He stays up till three or four in the morning. I have to be up for work at 4:30 AM so I have to have a early schedule momday- friday. He won't buy a new house because as he says--" You aren't a good enough housekeeper." He won't let me buy my own car because-" Y ou can't drive well." He doesn't give me a check book because -" I do not keep track of money and I like to shop too much." He doesnt even have my NAME on the credit card because-" I would steal it from him and run up the bill." All of his reasons are insane. I am 26 and feel like I am 12!

To friends and fmaily he acts like the perfrect man and when I bring up concerns people think I am insane. Alone is when it is scary. I think he is controlling. And I don't think I should take it.

But it also seems as if he has me where he wants me. I have a crappy car, no money, no credit cards and don't even get to see my own check. (Direct deposited.) If I need anything...say to go to the store I have to ask him for money. And tell him what I plan to buy...groceries etc. etc. It's embaressing and makes me feel like half a woman.

Does this sound like abuse or am I just a brat not enjoying a man taking care of me?

[mcgee0]

Seems like abuse to me. He doesn't have to hit you to abuse you. I know what it's like to feel belittled. When one partner acts overly parental to another, it is never a good sign. My advice would be to start marriage counselling. It will say a lot about him if he decides to go or not. Forget what "friends and family" say. No one really knows about your situation, which could potentially turn into something dangerous. Recognize the warning signs and get a divorce if he refuses to change.

[whichwayisup]

He's controlling and emotionally abusive. The physical stuff could come later down the road. Get out now. He isn't going to change.

 

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but there is a pattern.

[Craig]

Sounds like abuse to me. Have a look at:

 

http://www.growing.com/nonviolent/victim/vict_res.htm#S1_2

 

http://www.justicewomen.com/tips_escape.html