What is normal?

[Maria46]

Bf and I have been together almost three years now. We very often get into arguments about how I feel he isn't treating me as I should be treated.

 

I want a normal relationship.

 

What is normal? What should I expect? What should I do to get to "normal"? Is there a normal relationship?

 

Some days are so good and then others suck so bad.

 

I really need to know as there are days when I feel that this is not worth my time and effort anymore.

 

Thanks for any help you can give me.

[tablesalt]

[Maybe you should give more details! For it's hard to know whats bad in your opinon without more detail.Whats good or bad for some will be different for everyone.

[tablesalt]

Oh and btw what you consider normal may not be the norm for everyone.

including your spouse.

[whichwayisup]

Bf and I have been together almost three years now. We very often get into arguments about how I feel he isn't treating me as I should be treated.

 

I want a normal relationship.

 

What is normal? What should I expect? What should I do to get to "normal"? Is there a normal relationship?

 

Some days are so good and then others suck so bad.

 

I really need to know as there are days when I feel that this is not worth my time and effort anymore.

 

Thanks for any help you can give me.

 

What is normal for you, may not be someone else's norm. Don't compare your relationship to anybody else's because you never know what goes on behind closed doors! It's so easy to see the neighbours or friends looking so happy inlove - Some people put on abit of a show out in public and once they get home it isn't like it was while out and about.

 

I think the "norm" you are looking for is balance. Things shouldn't go from one extreme to next.

 

You have to decide what is important to you and stick with it. If you want him to respect you more, then demand it and don't put up with his crap. Have honest discussions, not fights. If it starts to get heated, take a break and talk when you both calm down. Remember WHY you love him and why you're together.

[Outcast]

He also has ideas of what constitutes 'normal' and rather than either of you demanding that the other do it their way, you need to discuss and negotiate. Ask him what he thinks a relationship should be and then tell him what you think. Then you need to negotiate the places where your ideas don't mesh.

 

So many women seem to think that relationships must be everything they want with no thought to the desires or wishes of their partners. Remember, he's a human too and his wishes are every bit as legitimate as yours.

[Tamrick]

I think we've been taught an incorrect version of normality by articles, TV, movies etc. Do you have any close female friends - the best idea is to talk to them about what is good and bad in your and their relationships and you'll find that they all have good and bad days. They all argue etc. So then the question is how functional is your relationship - can you continue with it the way it is and if not, then what do you need to work on?

 

Also its about two people and it needs to work for both of you. Whereas one person may put up with you singing loud songs while showering, another person may not - perhaps they would be happier if you sat on the computer til 02:00 in the morning cause they did it too. You need to work together on this and compromise.

[Maria46]

Thanks to all for your responses. That is why I like posting here. I get to hear all the things that some times I can't see.

 

I was raised in family where both parents were alcoholics and you can imagine the turmoil there..

 

I put up with so much screaming, cursing and personal insults throughout my childhood and in some past relationships that when he raises his voice I just cringe and sort of shut down.

 

I think I solved my biggest gripe with bf today. We talked quite awhile about expectations we would both like and came to an agreement on all the important issues. Made me feel much better and him as well.

 

 

Thank you all for the advice.