LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

I want to explore with other people


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree27Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd April 2019, 12:36 PM   #16
Established Member
 
pepperbird's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
OP:
Are you super rich and /or super powerful? If yes, you might be able to find a woman who is willing to play that role of a wife for you.
I'm not so sure. Many gold diggers won;t put up with their husband's emotional needs. Sure, she may be "arm candy", but the benefits of marriage the OP was looking for with his wife ( support, a soft place to fall if he's having a bad time, friendship, being them for him when he's ill or injured, having kids, raising those kids, doing the housework, visiting with relatives, etc., etc., etc., and all those mundane and "boring" jobs?
I doubt she'll be interested...unless she pays her to do them.

Op,
In all seriousness, being married isn't a good fit for you. That's okay. It's not for everyone, but if you care for your wife at all, you will end your marriage. I normally wouldn't recommend that, but this need to explore seems to be part of your nature and likely won't change. If you cheat on your wife, you will hurt her in ways you can't imagine, and if you stay and try to be monogamous, you will likely end up very unhappy and resentful.
This could well be a case where you have to love your wife enough to let her go.
pepperbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 1:26 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 58,081
Get divorced and then find yourself a woman who is into poly relationships and doesn't mind sharing. To marry and then expect your spouse to be open to you being with other women isn't working for you.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 1:30 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Fair's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 978
You want to have your cake and eat it, too. Grow up. Realize that you can't have everything you want.

Either get divorced or stay in the marriage and be a man. Those are your two choices. It's simple. If you try to have both, it's not going to work and it WON"T be simple. You'll get yourself tangled up in a big mess.
Fair is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 1:36 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 8,507
When you tell your wife how you are feeling, she will have no problem making the decision for you...

Sir, what you did to your wife was terribly unfair. What would be even more unfair would be to engage in an extramarital affair without her knowledge or consent. You knew who you were before you got married. Time to give her all the information and let her make an informed decision about her future...
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 1:48 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 13,720
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris2982 View Post
I learnt about myself over the years that being in a traditional monogamous relationship doesn't work for me.
I'd guess this learning curve made itself known when the OP felt compelled and/or entitled to cheat on previous partners.

Not hard to see what will happen in his marriage...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 2:51 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 577
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris2982 View Post
I learnt about myself over the years that being in a traditional monogamous relationship doesn't work for me.
UBT: He likes to cheat.
Orokotikki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd April 2019, 10:07 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 911
What a smart idea, I'm going to marry someone who has strong traditional values within a monogamous relationship even though I want to have an open marriage!! Such a grand idea!!!

Duh.
loversquarrel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th April 2019, 6:48 AM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 1,662
Random musings.

I used to hang out at what is basically a sex club. Met a lot of fun and not so fun people there. Between keeping a rather large social circle from my teenage years onward and the folks I met there, I've seen quite a few open marriages and other forms of non-monogamy.

1...count it, 1...lasted until death did them part. They were married 30 years when she passed very unexpectedly this January. Monogamy was something she struggled with, she had an affair, they came close to divorce, and then they decided to stay married and be open. It worked for them.

They were very much the exception. Every other non-monogamous supposedly lifetime partnership I've seen has ended in flames in around or under a decade. Usually because one or both "caught feelings" for a sex partner and want to ride off into the sunset with them.

There is also the risk of STD and pregnancy, assuming you're both fertile. She could accidentally become pregnant and you could accidentally impregnate someone else. Birth control has a failure rate, people sometimes get caught up in the moment or use their bc ineffectively/incorrectly, and not everyone wants to or can bring themselves to abort a surprise pregnancy.

Oh, and discovery. I've seen a few people who were in open marriages get caught with their AP's by friends and family. This typically results in awkward conversations, at minimum.

I don't even want to go into the time sink and expense! Or the drama!

Are you sure you actually want a non-monogamous marriage or do you just think you do? The fantasy is often much more fun that the reality.
__________________
I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. Where the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain." - Litany Against Fear
MJJean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th April 2019, 12:33 AM   #24
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 4
You owe it to your wife to have this discussion. If if does not work out, then divorce is the option. She may surprise youl
Sumfun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th April 2019, 8:53 AM   #25
Established Member
 
bathtub-row's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,936
You gave it a shot and, even with love being a factor, itís not enough. Just let your wife know, endure the tears and heartache it will cause, and then go your own way. Be single, live that life. Marriage isnít for you. You thought it might be, now you know better.
bathtub-row is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th April 2019, 9:38 AM   #26
Established Member
 
central's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW Florida
Posts: 3,438
It's unfortunate the the OP has never returned. Who knows? Perhaps his wife would be open to some changes now, that the OP could explore with her. I've seen very traditional couples become avid swingers, for example - even a couple where one was a minister in their church.
central is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd April 2019, 3:04 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 233
won't work even when 'single'

Unless you do a series of one night stands, it is hard to pull that off even as 'single'. Most women won't put up with you having multiple girl friends. Again, unless you are rich or a model, you will struggle with that lifestyle. Even girlfriends expect monogamy. You are about to ruin at least 2 people's lives (yours is one of them). Bottom line, don't expect many women to be good with you having other girlfriends - even if you aren't married to them.
notbroken is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My boyfriend has the urge to explore with other girls because he was a virgin before nf1000 Dating 51 8th November 2016 4:58 PM
Break to explore other relationships? nikki. Long-Distance Relationships 2 12th September 2015 8:30 PM
Friends with benefits situation...He wants no commitment, want to explore his options bittersweet memories Friends and Lovers 7 26th October 2010 1:49 PM
Friends with benefits situation...He wants no commitment, want to explore his options bittersweet memories Dating 7 20th October 2010 5:35 PM
Decisions decisions: Keep my promise or explore the world frozentoothpick Friendship 5 26th August 2003 5:44 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:50 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.