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Iím part of a throuple and wtf


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Old 22nd February 2019, 7:59 PM   #1
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Iím part of a throuple and wtf

Welp, 18 months ago I told my husband I was bi. He said fantastic go ahead and date women. Played the tinder game. Met some amazing women. Also let One amazing woman that I now call my girlfriend. Sheís slowing becoming integrated into our lives. I should disclaim my husband is not intimately involved. But all three of us hang and go out and relax all together. But bedroom stuff is totally separate. Some flirtation, arm grazing, pecks are stolen but only by me with them. Itís getting to the point where my family is asking who she is, my kids talk about her to others, my husband is considering her feeling with certain things. I never meant for any of this to happen, it just sort of organically morphed into this thing.I semi-disrupted my already pretty amazing life. Or did I just enhance it? My girlfriend is a traveler, a vagabond if you will. She doesnít live locally and I see her once every few weeks. Can I make this work? With it being only one sided (sexually) but all involved in other ways? Wtf am I doing?
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:04 PM   #2
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Sounds like she'll only be there once in awhile, so not sure why your other family even has to know. Just say she's a friend. Her being a vagabond, she won't stay there long. Although if she's homeless and not JUST a luxury vagabond with a home somewhere, she could be doing this just to not be homeless and might wear out her welcome.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 9:49 PM   #3
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Welcome to the world of polyamory. If you haven't already, there are some good books and web sites devoted to this and to the issues and concerns that arise. Google" more than two," polyamory .com, etc. The latter is a good place to get advice from people who have lived this lifestyle for a long time, and make it work.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 12:28 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by ItsameMaria View Post
She doesnít live locally and I see her once every few weeks.
I'm with preraph, there's people I see once every few weeks (not sexually) that my family doesn't even know exist. Does she stay over at your house? Do you have children at home?

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Old 23rd February 2019, 2:35 PM   #5
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I'm with preraph, there's people I see once every few weeks (not sexually) that my family doesn't even know exist. Does she stay over at your house? Do you have children at home?

Mr. Lucky
Yes and Yes. She stays over and I have two kids: 6 and 4yo. My family finds it odd that theyíve never seen her before and sheís over all the time, tagging, her and I doing a ton of stuff together. They know my three close friends and thatís it. Theyíre aware sheís a new person in my life.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 3:44 PM   #6
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I think you first need to define (for yourself and your husband) what your goals are with this.

Do you want her to become a more full-time partner? If so, to whom: just you, or to you and your husband?

Or do you prefer to just keep this a casual arrangement, strictly between you and her? Do you mind if she dates other people?
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Old 23rd February 2019, 6:36 PM   #7
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Yes and Yes. She stays over and I have two kids: 6 and 4yo.
Seems confusing for the kids. Were the relationship to continue, probably better to take it off premise...

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Old 23rd February 2019, 6:52 PM   #8
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Well, tell her to quit shouting it out to the world on social media!
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Old 2nd March 2019, 3:27 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by ItsameMaria View Post
Welp, 18 months ago I told my husband I was bi. He said fantastic go ahead and date women. Played the tinder game. Met some amazing women. Also let One amazing woman that I now call my girlfriend. She’s slowing becoming integrated into our lives. I should disclaim my husband is not intimately involved. But all three of us hang and go out and relax all together. But bedroom stuff is totally separate. Some flirtation, arm grazing, pecks are stolen but only by me with them. It’s getting to the point where my family is asking who she is, my kids talk about her to others, my husband is considering her feeling with certain things. I never meant for any of this to happen, it just sort of organically morphed into this thing.I semi-disrupted my already pretty amazing life. Or did I just enhance it? My girlfriend is a traveler, a vagabond if you will. She doesn’t live locally and I see her once every few weeks. Can I make this work? With it being only one sided (sexually) but all involved in other ways? Wtf am I doing?
The real issue here, is maintenance. Personally, I only wear one type of sock daily, and have at least 2 dozen pairs. The reason I only wear one type of sock, is because it's simple to maintain them. They go in the wash, and there is never more than one left without a pair. When a sock gets a hole in it, I throw it away. Eventually, when I get down to 1 dozen, I throw them away, and replace with two dozen fresh socks. I do this because stress is rooted in excessive maintenance and choices. This is the reason why in the western world, the people with the most choices and freedoms have the highest rates of depression.

Now you want to have not one, but two intimate relationships. Seems like excessive maintenance, conflicting schedules, and a situation that will eventually result in prioritizing someone; eventually someone will realize they are second in your life. No different than people who realize they come second to their partner's careers, family, beliefs, etc...

Also, you can't eat your cake, and have it too. I'm not talking about having two relationships, because that's doable. What I'm talking about, is everyone's perception of you in your previous lifestyle, and the transition to your new one. People will call you a cheater, selfish, a bad mom, support you, accept you, or completely stop talking to you outright. You have zero control with public perception, except efforts to conceal, which are already not working for you. The worst part, is that you didn't start revealing your sexuality and decision to start dating women. People are going from Maria and her husband, right to Maria's throuple. That's a massively shocking transition for the average person.

My conclusion is that if this relationship is what makes you happy, do everything you can to make it work, but don't expect to keep the life you had, as now you're maintaining two relationships, and will never be viewed the same, as you are essentially bringing into question the perception of relationships among everyone who is part of your life. Worst case scenario, your marriage fails, the GF leaves once all your emotional energy is directed to her, and you won't have many allies or friends to lean on because you threatened their perception of reality. Really, the level of risk associated, has a lot to do with the mentality and acceptance of others around you. Realistically, the western world is heading towards multiple women living with a minority of men, so you're really just part of the leading edge.
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