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Open marriage fear


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Old 21st February 2019, 4:15 PM   #1
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Open marriage fear

My wife and I agreed to an open marriage. I admitted to her that I was bisexual..when we first discussed it we were going to explore same sex partners..which was ideal.. the issue is she is talking to other guys and one in particular that she has set up to meet in person..I know that I am talking to other guys and one I may get together with. My issue is I don't want her to be with other guys...she said I can be with women, but I don't want to. She is really happy and I am too, but my jealousy is going to be a problem. If it was another woman I wouldn't care. I don't think I can back out now. I'm hoping someone has some advise.. I love my wife dearly and I don't want to be a dick.but this isn't what I imagined I guess.
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Old 21st February 2019, 4:27 PM   #2
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Of course you can back out, and hopefully go back to where things were. If you are going to pursue this, you need to think about boundaries FIRST, and agree to them. I think you missed that step, and now are finding that she wants something you didn't expect. It's fine that she does, really, but it seems like you have a double standard. If your relationship can't stand either of you seeking what you want - whatever it is - then it isn't strong enough to pursue the open scenario to begin with. Maybe your only viable option is swinging, and find a couple where one or both are bi - then everyone can get some of what they want, perhaps.
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Old 21st February 2019, 4:29 PM   #3
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You can back out and you have every right to change your mind about the agreement. Tell her that you're not feeling as you expected you would and want to go back to monogamy. After all, open marriages need enthusiastic consent on both sides.
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Old 21st February 2019, 4:56 PM   #4
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I'm sure that if you do back out your wife will be furious. Something is telling me that she's really looking forward to having sex with a heterosexual man.
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Old 21st February 2019, 5:36 PM   #5
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So is your wife breaking the rules by now no longer her being limited to women? From what I read in your post this is what your wife is doing. I have seen most marriages end in divorce when they became an open relationship.

Being your wife is breaking the rules and odds are having an open relationship is going to most likely end your marriage you would be wise to tell your wife that this experiment is over.

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Old 21st February 2019, 6:43 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Clurican View Post
I admitted to her that I was bisexual..when we first discussed it we were going to explore same sex partners..which was ideal..
How does your being bisexual influence her desire - or lack thereof - to be with same sex partners?

You don't want an open marriage, you want a "Clurican has sex with other men" marriage...

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Old 21st February 2019, 7:03 PM   #7
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You need to back out of this plan.

Your wife has already got other men lined up... and thatís not acceptable to you. Itís not exactly fair that you get to determine the terms of who you get to have sex with, while also dictating who she gets to have sex with...

This is going to sink your marriage... however, perhaps it should be sunk if you do not want to be monotonous and want to have sex with other men.
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Old 21st February 2019, 8:13 PM   #8
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Open marriages seem to me to be often about men requiring more or different sex.
He has visions of limitless sex with new and exciting partners, but it may not be that easy for him.
On the other hand his wife may not be that keen at the start, but once into the swing of things, she finds she is in demand or she finds a guy who she then falls in love with.
Husband gets jealous and calls the whole open marriage thing off... wife complies or wife carries on regardless with the OM/OMs, or wife leaves...
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Old 21st February 2019, 10:06 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
How does your being bisexual influence her desire - or lack thereof - to be with same sex partners?

You don't want an open marriage, you want a "Clurican has sex with other men" marriage...
Yes, I too am a bit confused. When did you admit to your wife that you are Bi? Was this before or after you married her?

If it was the latter, then I think what you've opened is the barn door.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 2:42 AM   #10
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I'm sure that if you do back out your wife will be furious. Something is telling me that she's really looking forward to having sex with a heterosexual man.
So what? He is also looking forward to having sex outside the marriage. If my husband told me he was going to start having sex with men outside of our marriage then he better expect me to do the same. Telling me I can have sex with women wouldn't do me much good since I'm straight. Her husband is going to be having sex that he enjoys so she should also be able to seek sex that she finds enjoyable and I suspect that men are more her cup of tea. She doesn't have to be bi just because he is.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:05 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Clurican View Post
My wife and I agreed to an open marriage. I admitted to her that I was bisexual..when we first discussed it we were going to explore same sex partners....

Why?

Is your wife also bisexual?
Had she been with women before?

As she has naturally gravitated towards other men, then maybe her chance to explore other woman in this open marriage, was rejected as it was more your assumption or fantasy perhaps, as opposed to something she wanted to do...
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:20 AM   #12
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... she should also be able to seek sex that she finds enjoyable and I suspect that men are more her cup of tea. She doesn't have to be bi just because he is.
Exactly. Even if she is bi, she may be more attracted to men than women most of the time.
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:39 PM   #13
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I'm sure the real issue is this notion of "agreement."

I'll never understand the habit of approaching straight people with notions of "exploration." I've never explored the arctic, and I never will because it's too damn cold and there's nothing there I want to see or do. I feel the same way about my sexual preference.
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Old 25th February 2019, 4:39 PM   #14
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Just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you have some sort of special "pass"that allows only you to explore sex outside your marriage ( or your wife, so long as she follows your parameters). This kind of relationship isn't for me, but form what i understand, those who have been able to make it work start off by thoroughly discussing the topic over a period of time and then they decide together what their open marriage will look like. They also have to really trust each other and want to do this because they feel it adds something to their life, not just provide a band aid.



I would sit down with her and have a very serious discussion. Tell her how you feel and why, and get her input as well.
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