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Struggles of marrying someone opposite

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 8th January 2019, 1:39 PM   #16
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 35
Hi Crazelnut, thank you for reading.

I am trying to get as much as i can from here, yes I do need help. My first year of marriage was so rough, but, we both have agreed to keep going and work on ourselves because we do want to stay married to each other.

As of january 1, husband has been sober and promises he doesn't want to lose me or our life together and will abstain from drinking.

so far so good, like Dude Abides said i am trying to help him and he does indeed help me out. We don't have superficial things in common, but his energy and hyperness offsets my depressive moods and he can get me out of my funk when I need him.

I think posting here has helped me realize what good thing the therapist did say to me that struck a chord.
Other than the drinking (which to some- maybe most people- wouldn't even be a problem--I just have a zero tolerance for it)
The problem is me. The way I view things, my extremely high expectations, being dissasatisfied with eveyrhting....I feel like I really have to put the work in to help myself...because if i were to give up on him, perhaps I would find someone else with a whole new set of "problems' or differences that I couldn't deal with.
Reading here also has helped me gauge the level of my crazy.
Looking for new marriage counselor and individual for the new year, leaving the old behind-wasn't much help.

I know I have been patient with my husbands flawed behavior but Lord knows so has he with me.
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Old 8th January 2019, 4:34 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Willowforever View Post
I know I have been patient with my husbands flawed behavior but Lord knows so has he with me.
Sounds like progress - on both your parts. Many posting here want to blame their partners for everything wrong with the relationship. Owning your own part of the dysfunction is an important step.

Hope 2019 continues to bring positive strides...

Mr. Lucky
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
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Old 9th January 2019, 5:09 PM   #18
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 43
learn to read please

Originally Posted by Crazelnut View Post
This is bad advice. L0nely puts up with a psychologically abusive husband. Do NOT follow that lead. And just because YOUR husband isn't this bad, doesn't mean you have to just tolerate an unhappy marriage.
If Crazelnut can read correctly, I DID NOT advice OP on anything. I was telling her about my situation and what i put up with. Along with "A part of marriage is about how much you can tolerate each other. some people's level of tolerating is low, while my level is ridiculously too unrealistically high. everyone is different, just know your limits and what you can put-up with." Obviously if she can't tolerate much, then it's her choice to go or not. But in my post, WHAT part in there says "stick/tolerate everything about your husband"???????? Learn to read correctly please.

Last edited by Moderator; 19th January 2019 at 4:07 PM.. Reason: Clean up quote
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Old 19th January 2019, 9:43 AM   #19
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Yeah , you say mostly you disappointed in him but you have no idea how disappointed he might be in you and l see a lot of him him but very little you you.
Then you talk about his flawed behavior , according to you , but of how much patients his had with you.

Takes two to tango and somethings saying there's two sides to this and not only yours. And there's also a lot of hints that your mostly likely a very picky fussy and hard person to live with yourself too but that he might also be being pretty generous in overlooking quiteeee a bit of it is my guess.

As far as his stuff goes l was married 20yrs and to my mind all you can do is try to talk to him about some of it , nicely . ln my experience nicely and respectfully has a much bigger effect than being a b@tch about it.
And hopefully he can about some of yours too.
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