Losing faith in my husband

[Tiredhopefuwife]

I'm losing faith in my husband. We've been married for 6 years. He struggles with depression, add and addiction. I've tried to be positive and supportive bust I don't know what to do anymore.

 

He never follows through on anything, from financial matters, to cleaning up his messes, to offers of favors. His lack of follow through always leaves us with more stress and problems, or me getting let down. I've given him tools to help him remember things but he never uses them or takes action. I never trust what he says anymore because no action ever follows. He never helps around the house, unless I nag, which I refuse to do, I'm not his mother. He eats unhealthily and falls asleep every night by 830. I'm left lonely and frustrated staring at all the housework. We both work. His job is not strenuous or stressful (family business) and he works light hours that get him home by 430 every day. He smokes weed, which he claims helps with his add, but I think it is compounding the problem.

 

I've tried to be compassionate, I've tried helping him, I've tried doing it all. Ive spoken with his mother for help. I've asked him to go to therapy. He tells me he'll look into it but again no follow through. He is very good at distracting from the conversations by making excuses or telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I'm at a loss and not strong enough anymore to stay compassionate through his problems. We now have a baby due in may and I'm feeling like I'll be raising this child on my own. I don't know what to do. Any advice will help.

Edited September 28, 2018 by Tiredhopefuwife

[Mr. Lucky]

We now have a baby due in may and I'm feeling like I'll be raising this child on my own. I don't know what to do. Any advice will help.

 

I'll start with the obvious - tough situation to bring a child into. Since it seems your marriage has been struggling for a while, why pick now to have a baby?

 

You have to break the problems down separately as there are different solutions for each. You mentioned addiction, does your H use more than just pot? Has he ever sought treatment? Have you ever demanded he do so?

 

By filling in the gaps, and "doing it all", you've just enabled his behavior. Since there's no consequences for his drug use, laziness and childish lifestyle, there's no reason for him to change. You'll pick up the pieces, do what needs to be done and keep everything going. You're basically a mom to an unmotivated teenage son.

 

So this only changes if you do. With a baby on the way, much more at stake. So I'd stop asking and start demanding he fill his role as a husband and father. And if he can't or won't, then it's time to take the steps needed to provide a healthy environment for your child.

 

Lots resting on your shoulders...

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

Marriage counseling.

[BaileyB]

With the baby coming, now is the time for him to turn his life around.

 

I would be demanding that he do the following, if he hasn't already... Visit his doctor, find a counsellor, exercise, stop the pot, and check back into the marriage (when the time is right, marriage counselling).

 

You have been a exceptionally patient and understanding - what has he done during this time to change his situation? The time for patience and understanding is almost done.

 

If he failed to do any of this, I would be done. You are soon going to have a little one who is relying on you to provide a safe and happy home. Your husband is no longer going to be your priority, your child will become your priority.

 

Frankly, I'm surprised that you stayed this long and I question your decision to have a child with this man. But, I do hope that things turn around for you.

[Lanmat]

Is your husband medicated for his ADHD?

 

 

I also have ADHD and have a real hard time with many task and procrastination.

 

 

READ THIS BOOK !!

THEN ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO READ IT

 

If you dont read book get the audiobook, audiobook was easier for me with my adhd

 

Delivered from Distraction

by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

[MidwestUSA]

Is your husband medicated for his ADHD?

 

 

I also have ADHD and have a real hard time with many task and procrastination.

 

 

READ THIS BOOK !!

THEN ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO READ IT

 

If you dont read book get the audiobook, audiobook was easier for me with my adhd

 

Delivered from Distraction

by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

 

 

I was just diagnosed myself, at the age of 56.

 

I don't normally 'push' meds as a first line of defense, but in my case, they've made all the difference. I'm not putting down reading at all.

 

OP, your husband needs an official diagnosis and treatment. If meds are required, so be it. He's self medicating with pot, and it's having the opposite effect of proper treatment.

 

You may have to make the appointments and drag him to them, but 1) medical doctor, and 2) psychiatrist. If he's truly ADD/ADHD, he can be helped. If he's just an overgrown mama's boy, well, that's another story. You may be taking two kids on your own. Good luck!

[LuckyM]

Marijuana does not help with ADD. It will increase it, if anything. Enable the user to forget things, be confused, lose concentration, most likely. Depending on how much is smoked. Might make him lazier. That's why it is a recreational drug.

 

 

I'm not knocking pot but it has its side effects.