Rockdad Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 What have you thought about your future should something happen to your SO? I think about this every now and then. When a couple has shared an amazingly close, happy and successful life together what then? Could you ever be that happy with someone else after that? If so just how is that done? I have seen people seemingly recover quickly and move on and others die in short order of a broken heart. The idea of not spending even a day without my wife is a bit haunting to me. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 We have talked about this a little. We'd be devastated, of course, but we would eventually have to deal with it and go on with life. Would that involve another relationship? Who knows! It might depend on how old we are if something happens to one of us. I doubt that anything new would be as good (I've had prior relationships for comparison, too), but it could be good, although different. Any future relationship would occur when we're much older than when our relationship developed, so it would have a very different character, and different priorities. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 I've been married more than 20 years, and for various reasons, my spouse and i have been dealing with the idea that one of us may die ( sorry for being blunt) at a relatively early age and the other will be left on their own. I'm not sure what that woudl look like emotionally, We have all sorts of plans in place, but the emotional side is really hard to prepare for. The only real experience I have is watching how my dad cared for my mom after her diagnosis of terminal cancer. No mater how ill she got - and she got really sick, he still always saw her as the young woman he'd married 50 years ago. It was really hard for him, and he sold their home after she passed away, as he said he couldn't be there without her. h ended up moving closer to me, and met a widow who is his age.They ended up moving in together, but form what I can tell, they are more friendly than romantic. He still can't look at my mom's picture without tearing up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 What have you thought about your future should something happen to your SO? I think you have to look at it in the context of age. I'm in my mid-60's and simply don't think I'd seek another romantic relationship, certainly wouldn't remarry. My wife has said flat out she wouldn't even date and would just focus on the kids and grandkids. I'd guess it would be the same for me. Were we 20 years younger, things would be different... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Live in the present and don’t worry about things that might happen. Sure, prepare financially in the event one of you dies but to torture yourself with thoughts of your next partner while still with this one doesn’t do you any good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Guildford Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 My wife and I have been married for half a century. I asked her at dinner how she would deal with my demise, and she said she did not think about such things, she simply deals with life as it happens. I don't believe that I would look for another love interest. How would she learn to deal with my physical difficulties and idiosyncrasies. One really does not know how you will deal with such a loss of relationship until it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rockdad Posted September 7, 2018 Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 Live in the present and don’t worry about things that might happen. Sure, prepare financially in the event one of you dies but to torture yourself with thoughts of your next partner while still with this one doesn’t do you any good. Ya I like that. It would be nice to embrace that more than I have a tendency to do. I would not remarry again as I see no reason in it at my stage of life. I also thought who in the world could possibly follow my wife up, it would not be at all fair to put that on another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 To be perfectly honest, it scares me too goddamn much to even think about it. I have no idea what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 It's fine that you can't imagine life without your wife ... I too am shocked when I see people who were married for a long time, lose their spouse to death ... and then start dating within a year or so ... I don't get those people ... though I have learned over time that some people just do that ... and it's not necessarily a sign that they have forgotten their spouse or that they were cheating while the spouse was alive. But here's the deal ... most likely if your wife knew she were dying and she really loves you ... she would likely tell you that she wants you to go on and live a happy life. And frankly, she's even likely to encourage you to meet someone new. She would definitely insist that you not stay mired in emptiness and grief. Ironically the better the relationship, almost the more likely the dying spouse is to say this to the surviving spouse. One of the gifts that the dying give the living ... is to encourage the living to continue to fully live and thrive and go for happiness and joy. I was close to my mother and she died 9 years ago ... and thank God she and I had many conversations about death over the years. And her view was along the lines of: Of course you'll miss me. But there's nothing you can do. And life goes on. You being chronically depressed won't bring me back. Go and have a great life and a great time. These days when I'm having amazing fun and joy ... I think to myself that I am fulfilling her wish! ... She would want me to kick butt and be fantastic. Now I'm a son ... talking about a mom's death. But I'm sure there's a similar dynamic between married people when one spouse is dying. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 What have you thought about your future should something happen to your SO? I think about this every now and then. When a couple has shared an amazingly close, happy and successful life together what then? Could you ever be that happy with someone else after that? If so just how is that done? I have seen people seemingly recover quickly and move on and others die in short order of a broken heart. The idea of not spending even a day without my wife is a bit haunting to me. Speaking from experience, living with the death of a spouse is something you can't process until you are on the other side of it. It is haunting for me and lot's of people in the same boat. Cancer killed my husband and we had nine months to 'prepare' for the terminal prognosis. We talked about it and made appropriate plans but nothing could have possibly prepared me, nothing. There are others who don't have nine months or even a day. I agree that a person can't live in fear, that a loving relationship shouldn't be consumed with 'what if' fear. Make financial plans and know what each other want for final rest arrangements, then put it away and live your lives. The living is what you will remember and cherish. As far as moving on to someone else, who knows. I thought I would never love again, I really believed that. In a way, I haven't because that place in me is sealed and I know will remain until my last breath. I know that love does not die and is more expansive than I thought. Cross that bridge when it is in front of you, there is no way to know what will happen. Enjoy now, yep, it will be not be here forever...but love never dies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 I would be so heartbroken that I would sleep excessively and barely eat. My wedding set would stay on my finger forever. I don't think that I could marry again. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 My wife of 23 yrs is currently fighting a recent cancer diagnosis. Here prognosis for 5 yr survival is about 50/50. We are devastated. I am 51 yrs old, and I will not remarry. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
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