Blacksheep2012 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 So about 6 months ago I caught my husband watching porn, stripper and twerking videos on YouTube, and he followed strippers on instagram. And he had never done it our whole relationship. He said it was because he thought we were going to split up so he was preparing himself to be single. All the while I guess he developed a very negative attitude. He did quit watching the porn...so he says. Sometimes I don't believe him. But it seems like after all that happened he talks to me in such a disrespectful tone. He tells me to shut up, when I start crying he calls me a crybaby, stupid, dumb, and/or retarded. He tells me I need to let things go and that we don't need to talk about EVERYTHING that happens between us. I told him that's part of a marriage, that you talk, you respect one another, you care for each other, and you're important to each other. He said, "what fantasy world are you living in." He is just very disrespectful, I don't even tell him to shut up. I don't dont understand how to handle this because if I stand up for myself he just becomes worse and says even more hurtful things, or just ignores me all together. I can't continue to live my life this way, it's always something every other day. It's like I can't do anything right.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Men are visual creatures. I would therefore suggest you power down about the porn watching. The disrespect, the refusal to talk, calling you "crybaby, stupid, dumb & retarded" are unacceptable. If he won't go to marriage counseling you may need to go to a divorce attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronin3993 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Man here, Going to agree with d0nnivain, the porn watching is pretty common. If you had a problem with such a thing it should have been brought up as a boundary early in your relationship (or you did and he has just violated it at which point it is another problem altogether). The disrespect and lack of communication is a huge problem though. No person should have to ensure such abuse, you need to stand up for yourself. Tell him that you are not going to take such abuse anymore and he needs to attend marriage counseling to fix things or will get a divorce and find someone who will show you respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzy123 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Don't take it from him, dont accept it. You need to set boundaries with him - next time, tell him his tone and words are unacceptable to you and not constructive at all to the conversation/discussion - you say to him "your words are unacceptable and i will not tolerate this from you" and walk away. You need to set boundaries when it comes to communication.. my husband used to be like this (start fights, blame things on me, awful things said, etc) and it took me a while to gain some confidence and shut it down. I became less forgiving every time he said something mean to me and he soon figured out that I wasn't afraid to walk away if the marriage was negative and toxic for me. He improved massively and has never repeated it since. Always be strong, people will generally push and push to see how far they can go... Link to post Share on other sites
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