LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Attention seeking partner: What would you do?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree8Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th July 2018, 5:52 PM   #16
Established Member
 
SunnyWeather's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 617
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby31 View Post
I don't want to give up on him and us. could this be growing pains? does this ever get better? I know who he could be, and who he is at times when he's not being foolish. I love him so much he is my best friend. Everyone has their issuses this can get better right?
He will continue this behavior as long as you put up with it. If not putting up with it anymore means you have to leave, I'm sorry to say, then that will be your only choice. You have to decide how long you are willing to suffer.
__________________
This above all: To thine own self be true
SunnyWeather is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th July 2018, 7:27 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,254
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby31 View Post
I don't want to give up on him and us. could this be growing pains? does this ever get better? I know who he could be, and who he is at times when he's not being foolish. I love him so much he is my best friend. Everyone has their issuses this can get better right?
With all due respect, I would not say that it is growing pains. I would suggest that this is character. And, a person's true character doesn't change.

Everyone has their issues... I'm just back from a weekend camping with my boyfriend and he spent the weekend complaining about the bugs, the heat, the uncomfortable bed, etc... He drove me crazy this weekend but his complaints are not deal breakers. If he had poor boundaries and was partying with his brother and not coming home or going to dinner with other women, he would not be coming home to me. I'm sorry. I wouldn't tolerate this behavior.

Does he see a problem? Does he want to change his behavior? Is he concerned and wanting to be more considerate of your feelings or needs? What have his ACTIONS shown you?

Staying wih someone because you know "who they could be" and waiting for them to change is not a good way to live your life. You're going to waste a lot of time waiting for someone to change, when you have absolutely no control of the outcome. It's not a wise thing to do.
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th July 2018, 8:08 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 14,184
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby31 View Post
Everyone has their issues this can get better right?
Some of my more "attention seeking" friends have run out of the energy in their 60's and 70's needed to continue this behavior. So you probably have only three or four more decades to go.

It's only an issue for you, he doesn't see any problem in what he's doing so it's hard to see things getting better. Plan accordingly...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th July 2018, 3:25 AM   #19
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 25,899
He disrespects you worse than those women do because they didn't make a commitment to honor you.

Rather than taking it out on them direct the blame where it belongs.
__________________
a little messed up but we’re all alright
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th July 2018, 1:14 PM   #20
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 25,386
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby31 View Post
He's always been like this, I thought he would get better.
Famous last words. You're not likely to change him. He was probably looking for a mild woman who'd ignore all this and let him do it.

I agree with Carhill, though. I have found, especially with men who are not taking things seriously and are overconfident, that if you start exercising your own feminine powers, it absolutely drives them nuts. Start having lunch with a male friend. Go out to dinner or drinks with your girlfriends. Give him some reason to want to make a commitment to not do this; otherwise, why should he? You married him that way.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd July 2018, 7:52 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 326
I have some experience with a man who was an attention whore. The last guy I dated turned out to be like like once our honeymoon period was over and he no longer felt the need to impress me. I read up a lot about this type of behaviour and learnt that these attention seekers crave external validation, and get a high from it. Let me tell you that it doesn't get any better. My boyfriend was in his 40s. "Old dogs don't learn new tricks," my counsellor told me.

Separate to this issue is his disregard of your feelings. This is a lot more alarming than the attention seeking issue. If you communicate to your partner that something is bothering you and they continue to be inconsiderate of your feelings, then that is a huge red flag in your relationship. He is not your best friend - he's not even your friend as friends respect each other's feelings!

You either recognise that he's not "attention seeking" out of any real malice, and accept it, or you leave him.
NomiMalone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th July 2018, 6:32 PM   #22
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 3
An honest open discussion is needed here. You need to state exactly how you feel and explain that you are no longer putting up with disrespect. If he is a good partner despite the attention seeking he will understand. Then, you need to guide him and help him to change his behavior. Each time he does it you bring it to his attention and ensure he makes the correction. The book "love and obey" saved my life and relationship. Check it out it might help you. Im a much happier person now, taking control.
Loveandobey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th July 2018, 7:18 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 17,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby31 View Post
how would one go about handling this? I don't want to give him a taste of his own medicine I don't have the heart. I've already spoken to him. where do I go from here
Sorry, but this is the only way he will get the message. You've talked to him about it and it hasn't changed so put your big girl panties on and show him how it feels.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th July 2018, 5:38 PM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 708
Quote:
Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Sorry, but this is the only way he will get the message. You've talked to him about it and it hasn't changed so put your big girl panties on and show him how it feels.
But do two wrongs make a right?

No.

Plus, how long can she keep it up? This isn't the way to go about fixing a problem that might not be fixable.
brigit87 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Tired of partner's attention seeking ways. NomiMalone Marriage & Life Partnerships 32 18th January 2018 5:09 AM
Would you date a woman who exhbits attention seeking behaviors? andrewmcneil84 Dating 25 14th June 2017 12:09 PM
attention seeking drama queen or is she just craving attention moodster3 General Relationship Discussion 1 8th June 2014 4:56 PM
I broke no contact after nearly 150 days!.. I think my ex is attention seeking.. Charmaine_Champagne Breaks and Breaking Up 11 15th July 2009 7:28 AM
Betrayed seeking attention from MARRIED co-worker!! smileysmile The Other Man / Woman 5 31st May 2008 1:02 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:36 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.