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I need .. am I overreacting?

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Old 8th February 2018, 5:44 AM   #1
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Exclamation I need .. am I overreacting?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We met in high school, but started dating years later. A couple of months into our relationship he mentioned that he was confused about us and he thought about being with other people. Obviously I took it hard and somehow after maybe a month he said he didnít like that anymore but Iím still hurting cause of that. I also want to say that he confessed to me that when we were dating, he showed his friend a nude I had sent him. I was devastated and felt like I couldnít trust him. But I forgave him.. well not really cause when we argue, I always bring it up. I also want to mention that he told me he had slept with two prostitutes before me. I was shocked. I never expected that from. It made me really sad but I thanked him for telling me. Months later I found myself being really sad over. And honestly I still am. Iím honest with him all the time and tell him that, that still bothers me. Thereís days where I just want to break up with him cause Iím disgusted... around the same time that he told me that.. he said that one day he got really horny and went on a website and wrote to a transgender woman and said really nasty stuff to her and immediately regretted it. I right away told me cause he was feeling guilty.. I was devastated and I ignored his calls but I finally gave in and I guess forgave him. But I still bring it up so I know Iím not over it. I recently found out that he masturbates to tranny videos. Is that gay????? Or normal.

Idk I just feel like the relationship is over sometimes. Like heís done so much bad **** to us that Iíll never recover from. Sometimes I feel so dead inside.. Iím holding you guys can give me some advice cause I could never talk to anyone else about this.. itís sort of embarrassing and I canít really say my boyfriendís business to my family and friends.. please help
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:38 AM   #2
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It could be that he is confused about his sexual orientation or gender? Have you asked him if he knows why he gravites towards transgender females?

I think a break from each other could be beneficial. You are angry he is confused and the hamster wheel will only spin endlessly. Take time to think clearly
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:14 AM   #3
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Darling girl, you are so young. You deserve to find a relationship that brings you joy, with someone who is deserving of your trust and your love.

This isn't it. This isn't love.

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Old 8th February 2018, 12:58 PM   #4
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Disregard the trans thing, that's just a distraction. It has nothing to do with the important questions.

Does he love you? Does he want you? Does he want to be with ONLY you?

Do you still want to be with him, knowing that he has interests in a lot of other things and has behaved in ways you don't approve of?

It's absolutely possible for two people to have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship despite the sort of things he has in his past, if he agrees that those things were wrong and doesn't want to do them again. And lots of people masturbate to porn that has nothing to do with what they want in reality, and does not mean that they want to cheat on their partners.

On the other hand, some people feel that masturbating to porn is cheating. If that is how you feel, then it's going to be a huge relationship problem for you, and he is probably not a good match for you. Or, if he still secretly wants to sleep with lots of other people including prostitutes, that's not going to work out well... because eventually he probably will do it and you will be heartbroken.

So you need to evaluate where things stand. What kind of person is he? What kind of person are you? Do those two people fit together, or not?
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Old 8th February 2018, 5:30 PM   #5
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Showing your nude picture to his friend would be a deal breaker to 99% of people. Same with sexting online sex workers while in a relationship and sleeping with prostitutes.

It’s interesting that you feel that you can’t talk about all of his issues with your friends and family because it’s embarrassing for him and you don’t want to spread his business around. It’s too bad he didn’t feel the same way about you before he decided to show your nude picture to his friend. (I don’t believe he showed it to only one friend, probably all of his friends have seen it. Maybe he even sent it to them.)

Get rid of this guy, you can do better. He can figure out on his own if he’s gay or not.
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:43 PM   #6
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He has done a lot to destroy the foundations of your relationship. Other than saying he's sorry, what has he done to rebuild trust?

You however, need to make a decision. Either you have forgive him for this stuff & you are willing to move forward with him, putting this stuff firmly in the past or you are not. If you pick move forward you can't bring all these mistakes up ever again. If he's committed to you now & moving forward, whatever doubts he expressed before are irrelevant & can't be mentioned in a future disagreement. You either trust him to never again show nude pictures of you to others or you don't. You trust him not to reach out to other potential sexual partners on the internet or you don't. The fact that he did so in the past, can't be brought up again. However, if he does any of those things again, you are fool to take him back a 2nd time. This is his second chance to prove himself. Either you are both committed now & moving forward or it's over.
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Old 8th February 2018, 7:01 PM   #7
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This relationship has an expiry date and that is coming soon. He isn't the "long term" loving boyfriend that you deserve! He hurts your feelings, had lied to you many times, he's made you feel bad and you don't trust him. His actions keep showing you who he is!

As painful as it may be, break up with him! Grieve the loss and know that wehn the timing is right you WILL find a great guy! One who will adore you and treat you with love and respect and not make you cry or lie to you.
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:09 PM   #8
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Okay, I donít know how old you are, but you sound young. And you probably love him and thatís why you are so conflicted. But you donít need to be. There will be sooooo many better options than this. Just the fact that he showed a friend your picture(which he obviously knew you sent in confidence). That is awful. It used to be gentlemanly to not ďkiss and tellĒ. Now men are sharing private photos to friends, (or even strangers on the internet). Not okay. And he sounds like he has serious issues with self discipline and impulse control. I think you can do much, much better. There are better men out there. Even if there werenít (but there are), itíd probably be better to be by yourself. I know you donít want to talk to people who know him and spread his issues around, which is great of you, but just knowing what you have said (and there are two sides to every story), if you were my little sister of friend Iíd give you a big hug and tell you to dump the loser.
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Old 11th February 2018, 10:46 AM   #9
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Hi Lovey, one thing keeps leaping out at me while reading your OP. That is that your BF has done any number of things each of which have wounded you deeply. You seem to be soft hearted and vulnerable and not the type of person who can cope with the shenanigans of your BF. It is best that you chalk this up to living your single life and gaining essential experience of the Big Bad World in which you will live, have a family and bring up your children. You will find someone who is cut out for you, is sensitive to your feelings and who will not do things impulsively , to hurt your deepest feelings. This guy is not that man and you would be best served dumping him like yesterday! Warm wishes.
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