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How soon to Marry


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 6th February 2018, 6:55 PM   #16
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Here are the time lines in my family:

Parents, moved in together after 1 year, married after 2. Had me within that first year, divorced within 8 years.

Dad and step mom. Married after 6 month, moved in after marriage, now married 27 years and counting. Pre-agreed to no kids.

Brother, marriage after 18 month, moved in together at the same time. First of 2 children was born in second year of marriage, married 25 years and counting.

Sister, moved together very early, unplanned pregnancy within first year. Marriage a few months after birth, now have 3 kids and married 20 years and counting.

Me, moved in together after 6 months, co-mingled funds etc shortly there after. Officially married after 14 years together, now currently married 2 years and counting (relationship 16+ years). No kids pre-agreed before moving in.

This is why I do not pay huge attention to the prescribed timelines. Really depends on the particular couple.
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Old 6th February 2018, 8:33 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Curious, how many on this thread are currently married, and if so, did you follow these guidelines?
No

We did date for a year before marrying. We did not live together for another year as she had kids. Also we were facing biological clocks for having kids of our own. The extra year (if we have lived together) probably would have revealed all the crap she was hiding from me which came our after we did marry and she moved in. Harder to hide things - or to be on your best behavior once your living 24/7 together. People can put their best face on when just dating.

I also would have never known to have discussions about how important it was for the sex to stay the same in marriage - as it was while dating, or what I considered cheating and betrayals (cheating does not have to be sexual) . Lots of very deep discussions of beliefs, expectations, and assumptions about love, sex, and marriage - would have helped.
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Last edited by dichotomy; 6th February 2018 at 8:36 PM..
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:52 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Going by one study, for highest marital longevity + satisfaction, as close to 3 years as possible (IIRC)

Longevity shorter if <3 yrs
Less satisfaction if >3 yrs

That's just one study and generalization. Do it when you feel 100% ready!
Can you break down your statements if possible. Are you saying that Longevity in a couple is better if they get together in less than 3 yrs, but if they have been together for over 3 yrs they are less satisfied?
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