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I want to fight for my wife.... But don't know how

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 26th January 2018, 2:05 PM   #91
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I know it may sound overly dramatic, but I am a firm believer that cheating i a form of spousal abuse. Right now, you are isolated form your own family, have no friends in your local area and it sounds like you are somewhat financially dependent on your wife.

It's great that you are starting to take back some of your power. Getting out and meeting others, like you say you will be doing int he support group, is so important, as it will help you to start building connections with others who are outside this crazy making situation.

Like other posters have mentioned, if you can start looking for a job, even if it's just pumping gas, will also help. Look into getting your driver's license and ID. If you have fmaily/friends that you have lost touch with, reach out to them.

One thing to be careful of is that your spouse may well, when she sees that you are no longer acting like a whipped little puppy dog, try to reel you back in. DO NOT allow that to happen. She'll use sweet words and tell you what you want to hear, but DO NOT believe her. Whatever you do...DO NOT have sex with her, no matter how tempting that may be. She'll use that to try and get you back under her thumb, and once you are, the cycle will start all over. She may even try to get herself pregnant so that you feel you are trapped and have to stay and put up with her crap.

If you feel like you need additional help, contact a support agency in your area for abused spouses. Abuse doesn't have to be physical to hurt, and men can be abused just as much as women.

I know I might sound dramatic, but this sort of thing can and does happen. It's no reflection on you as a man, but it is on her as a person.
"“there’s no better system than our own morality, not law, not science, not religion… just decency.”-R.M.
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Old 26th January 2018, 2:38 PM   #92
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Ty for the support and tips!

Right now my biggest fear is that this night will trigger her more. I want to keep her exactly were she is right now and not go total nuts. So that drives me crazy, what this night will do. Will she be the same as of now, worse, bit better?

I don't even care bout the sex, it's more the psychic part. I need to keep it at least on this level (or better) so i know i can safely look for a job and contacts and stuff.....

Bad day again, what a madness
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Old 26th January 2018, 6:27 PM   #93
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Find your Peace of Mind, go stand in the middle of a forest,
walk along a river bank,go climb a mountain.
Somehow connect with nature, it will allow you
to think with some clarity, you'll find your anwsers.

Hang in there
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Old 27th January 2018, 3:26 PM   #94
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Your wife has left you. Do i need to repeat that? YOUR WIFE IS NO LONGER YOUR WIFE (maybe just in papers).

Couples can recover from many kinds of crisis's. But your wife, not only that she has zero respect for you - She is very much makes a show off, that you wouldn't miss the fact that she is shi**** on you intentionally.

I don't think ther's a couplein the world that can recover from this kind of zero respect. Love, honesty, being reliable, being solid, and more - re crucial for a relationship, but i think that respect is the most neccessary aspeבt. Eliminate respect, and it's dead. You can regain even love, not respect.

So again. This is over. She will be with him, or with another man or men, or even single.. But with you, it's done. When you recognize this, you will start the healing proccess.
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:15 PM   #95
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Hi Lola, I guess the OP is reconciled to the fact that his marriage is over and that his wife is lost to him. His primary concern at this time seems to be to buy time by keeping her in a stable mental state so that she does not evict him from their marital home which is principally hers. He is without a job and lacks citizenship(?) which complicates matters for him. Once he is able to get a job and stabilize himself, he will probably move out without prompting from her. He is taking advantage of the fact that his wife had told him early on in this messy affair that he can continue to stay in the house they have shared so far. He does not have a driver's license nor does he own a car so he is, really speaking, on a very weak wicket. This is why he wants to maintain the peace till he is able to find his feet and steady his situation. At least this is what I have gathered on reading through his various posts and I may be wrong. I think by now the OP has mostly given up hope that there is anything left to salvage. Maybe the OP could return to clarify on what I have stated. Warm regards.
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