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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking


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Old 15th January 2018, 3:22 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullenbohannon View Post
Did Jill spend the night or was it just the 2 of them? If Jill was never there, that changes the story completely.

There is no way my fiancee would ever except any excuse to sleep on a single woman's couch. Uber is always available. Drunk or not, that battle won't happen. I wasnt born yesterday.
This. A few years ago, my husband was three sheets to the wind after an evening with friends. My husband called me and told me that his friend was putting him in a cab. He didn't stay out all night. Spouses should not do such things....especially when the opposite sex is involved!
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Old 15th January 2018, 8:30 PM   #32
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Hey all, so again thanks for the advice and thoughts on the issue.

A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.

I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.

She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.

More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.

I could be totally naive, but my biggest grievance was just putting herself in that situation

We have been married three years, together ten. Only one issue from a trust standpoint which ironically I posted about on here years ago and we moved past it.
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:15 PM   #33
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Wait a second. She was home at 7am after being up drinking and partying from 7pm till 3am? She was so drunk she had to crash on someone's couch, but wakes up 3 hours later? Who woke her up at 6am? If I go down at 3am drunk, I won't wake until noon. I was going to ask what time she got home and what was her disposition. If she went straight out, she obviously wasn't hung over.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt, since there was communication, but now it looks like she may have not slept at all.
Bright red flag in my view. Something doesn't seem right.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 15th January 2018 at 10:24 PM..
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:28 PM   #34
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had the car parked at his place sounds like a bit planned
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:46 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Bobdobalina View Post
had the car parked at his place sounds like a bit planned
I had known she parked there in advance because it's the same apartment complex we used to live at and she had texted me when she first got there earlier that night.

And I know this sounds like justification but when she drinks she always gets up really early, it's weird I know.
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:44 AM   #36
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It sounds like the two of you have a very healthy relationship. Perhaps just flat out ask her if she is having an affair and tell her the sleeping over thing made you think that. It's not insecure at all. What if the roles were reversed and you were the one who slept over at a single attractive ladies apartment?
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Old 16th January 2018, 1:27 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Rockdad View Post
Oh paleeze. That's over the top imo. I trust my wife to the end of the world. I would have said good stay there if she wanted to then I would have rolled over and went to sleep.
I had a friend like that, he always said he had no reason to worry when his fiancee was dancing intimately with other guys at the club when we were going out and acting "inappropriate" so to speak and that they absolutely trust each other. Turned out he was wrong, only thing he had left were several thousand in debt she left him when she finally found one good enough for more than a fling. Well, you do you!


Quote:
Originally Posted by b2121 View Post
A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.
You said this and people asked whether she had ANY way of knowing you would likely say no/be unable to make it. This is an important factor in all of this.
Quote:
I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.
No, you were not. You merely found her behaviour inappropriate. It's people who are not involved in the situation and not invested in it who picked out several things which look like huge red flags. Things which regularly crop up in other threads and relationship issues and while not always, very often end up in a bad place.

Quote:
She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.
Lot's of moms have affairs, so do lots of dads. It hasn't stopped them nor other people. And her rarely mentioning him doesn't really mean there can't be anything.

Quote:
More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.
That seems, odd. Really odd. If anything this makes all of this even more suspect. Let me sum this up to see if I got this right.

1. Your wife goes out with people from her work. She did not immediatly ask you to join them.
2. She drives to Josh place (Why?) to then go to the bar together with Josh. (Again, why?)
3. At around midnight she writes you, to ask whether you want to join them. Possibly knowing you would not be able to do so. Especially if she's a mom and there are children in the mix you are watching over. If the latter is the case, why would she even do this.
4. You don't hear anything from her for another 2:40 hours. After you write her she writes you back that she's too drunk and wont make it home. Instead she went back to Josh, she guy she drove her car too before going out with him to meet the others. She'll stay there. She doesn't ask you to get her, she doesn't take a taxi, she asks nobody else if they could take her home. No she wants to stay at Josh's.
5. The next morning she writes you. Telling you that she's sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. Have you actually written her something along these lines, telling her this. Otherwise, why would she begin your conversation by telling you "nothing happened". Seems odd.
6. At SEVEN in the morning. Four hours later. After she spend the entire day prior awake. Drove to Josh, went drinking with Josh, was too drunk to drive back home. She suddenly is completely sober, manages to make her way home, shower and immediatly be out and about with your children.

So, do I have this right? Did I get something wrong? Imagine for a moment someone else would tell you this instead of you being in that situation. If anything, this is rapidly becoming more and more suspect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by b2121 View Post
I had known she parked there in advance because it's the same apartment complex we used to live at and she had texted me when she first got there earlier that night.

And I know this sounds like justification but when she drinks she always gets up really early, it's weird I know.
The body needs time to actually process alcohol. If she wasn't in any position to drive at 3 Am. She wasn't in any to drive at 7 Am. After she was awake for an entire day, partied and then barely got 3 hours sleep. http://www.drinkfox.com/information/alcohol-metabolism

Edit, also is this the same woman who broke up with you. Pursued another man. Slept with him. Then got back together with you after that relationship went nowhere and lied to you for YEARS about it?

Last edited by Maraud3r; 16th January 2018 at 1:32 AM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 1:44 AM   #38
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Even if there's not a whiff of cheating, your wife has poor judgment and uncertain boundaries. That alone would be enough to put me at Defcon 2...

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Old 16th January 2018, 2:46 AM   #39
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The next morning she would have still been driving drunk at 7am if she was seriously too drunk to drive at 3am.

How do even know she was with Josh - maybe she was somewhere else. Maybe she wasn't drunk but just wanted to sleep with someone else that night so she made up the "I'm drunk/can't drive" story.

Looks like she assumed you would be upset - she knew she was inappropriate and didn't care about your feelings the night before.

I think you have been naive in giving her the benefit of the doubt - you seem to make justifications and excuses FOR HER. That's very odd - you may be truly too trusting of her. Start checking on her - she's not trustworthy as the whole evening seems very suspect in so many levels...levels you seem to be making excuses for her.


Why has your relationship been rocky lately?
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Old 16th January 2018, 3:08 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by b2121 View Post
Hey all, so again thanks for the advice and thoughts on the issue.

A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.

I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.

She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.

More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.

I could be totally naive, but my biggest grievance was just putting herself in that situation

We have been married three years, together ten. Only one issue from a trust standpoint which ironically I posted about on here years ago and we moved past it.
Hmm, this plus the past issue where you guys broke up so she could sleep with another guy should really be setting off alarms.

It really seems odd, I mean the whole thing. If I were I betting man, I would bet there is a too be continued here...sorry doesn't sound like you have a faithful trustworthy wife.
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Old 16th January 2018, 10:27 AM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
When she texted you that she may crash there, why didn't you insist on going to pick her up instead?
No way would I let my wife go out drinking alone.
No way I would not of gone to get my wife when that call
came in.

What was so important at 2 am that you could not stop and
go get your wife?
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Old 16th January 2018, 10:37 AM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by b2121 View Post
Hey all, so again thanks for the advice and thoughts on the issue.

A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.

I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.

She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.

More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.

I could be totally naive, but my biggest grievance was just putting herself in that situation

We have been married three years, together ten. Only one issue from a trust standpoint which ironically I posted about on here years ago and we moved past it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullenbohannon View Post
Wait a second. She was home at 7am after being up drinking and partying from 7pm till 3am? She was so drunk she had to crash on someone's couch, but wakes up 3 hours later? Who woke her up at 6am? If I go down at 3am drunk, I won't wake until noon. I was going to ask what time she got home and what was her disposition. If she went straight out, she obviously wasn't hung over.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt, since there was communication, but now it looks like she may have not slept at all.
Bright red flag in my view. Something doesn't seem right.
Before I finished reading the first quote I said to myself: to
hammered to drive but is home by 7 am that morning, on 3 hours
sleep. Makes me paranoid.

Also no need to go a his house and end up at his house.
She has a car. Makes it so much convenient to drive directly
to the bar then straight home.
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Old 16th January 2018, 10:45 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DKT3 View Post
Hmm, this plus the past issue where you guys broke up so she could sleep with another guy should really be setting off alarms.

It really seems odd, I mean the whole thing. If I were I betting man, I would bet there is a too be continued here...sorry doesn't sound like you have a faithful trustworthy wife.
How come the most important fact/s is always left out.
Thanks to those that brought us up to speed.
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Old 16th January 2018, 11:55 AM   #44
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I've read threads on the infidelity forum where I've said to myself: "she's not cheating, he is just being paranoid" only to be later proven wrong when all of the facts came out. I don't feel that way with your situation.

Believe me, I've been there. I would have never in a million years suspected my wife of an EA (emotional affair)....until I caught her.

Do some searching! I hope you find nothing, but I don't think that's going to be the case.
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:17 PM   #45
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Op, have you checked her phone and computer to see if she's been corresponding more with one particular person the past few days?
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