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Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy feeling alone and shut out

My husband and I got married this year and have been together for nearly 7 years in total. We are both 27. I love him so much and we have a great relationship. He is my best friend and we have a happy life together. We have 1 major issue that comes up frequently and I feel more and more confused and alone each time. Sex is our biggest issue. He feels like I don't initiate it at all and that I do not want sex or feel sexual towards him. We have sex nearly every single day And i think we have an amazing sex life. It kills me to know that he doesn't feel the same way. Our biggest issue is when I fall asleep or am too tired to do anything maybe once or twice a week. He freezes me out and doesn't talk to me for days which then drags the issue on longer and the more I feel apprehensive to initiate things (so the cycle starts all over again). I am someone who likes to fix things straight away but he could drag it out for weeks. He tells me that all of our issues are my fault and that I have something wrong with me. I feel like he takes it as a personal attack on him and that I am not attracted to him. He also threatens to leave me and look elsewhere for see. I know he doesn't mean it and says it in anger but it kils me. I feel like I try my hardest to please him and it's never enough. I feel anxious most days that I will do something wrong and it will happen again. I don't really know what I am looking for here, maybe just a place to vent or to see if anyone else has the same issues? Just feeling really confused. Maybe it is me?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:55 PM   #2
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May I suggest that you and your husband should attend some marriage counselling...

It sounds like your husband has to learn how to communicate with his partner, how to "fight" fairly, and that the silent treatment is not a very mature or effective form of conflict resolution.

And, threatening to leave you and find someone else... Well, that is an attempt to get you to comply with his wishes through emotional manipulation and blackmail. That is definitely not ok!

No, I don't think it's you. I would be pretty unhappy with his behavior - especially if we were having daily sex. It's very entitled and immature. Perhaps, he just needs someone else to help him to understand how his behavior is affecting you, and your relationship...
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:07 PM   #3
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Your husband seems to get most of his validation from being physically desired. Do you know how he feels about himself other than his outward appearance? How's his overall self esteem, looks aside? Just curious because I was married to this man for 14 years. It's not normal behavior, but when you're in the thick of it, it is so stressful, I know .
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Old 4th October 2017, 2:14 PM   #4
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you and your husband really sat down and had a heart to heart? I really think you guys need to seek Christian Counseling. Do you guys attend a church or have a trusted couple that can mentor you guys? You definitely can't ignore this. It's not normal that you are afraid to do something wrong because you aren't sure how your husband will react. That hurts my heart so much. Marriage is about love and honoring one another. You can only do that with God in the center. I'm praying for you guys. I'm praying your husband will get the help he needs and that your marriage can be filled with true love and peace and joy in your life!
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