Candiegurl Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Ok I tell you why I'm being insecure...it all begins after finding out my husband constantly checks out his co worker Facebook page and me catching him look at girls page from his faculty (on FB as well). I used to be very confident about my looks too, I'm a 34D 5'7" slim figure woman and all his friends kept telling him that I'm attractive. But the girls (from work) I caught him looking was short and fat. I also recently also found out he had a fake Instagram account which he added "Real Instagram Girls" and click likes on all the big breasted girls in their bikini pictures!!!!!! I could care less if he watches porno or look at pornstar naked pictures online, BUT these are real girls with real account on Instagram. And so i start going through his other accounts and found 2 comments he made which really pisses me off to a point that I just wanted to leave him. Ok so the comments are both for pictures saying "husband not getting enough sex from wife" - He wrote "At times calling an escort is actually cheaper....True story" and the second comment - he wrote "had sex only 12 times a year (which is not true!!!) I could have save up and get an escort so my sex life is 100 times better". WTF!!!!! So I confronted him and he said it's just a funny website and people post funny response, also he said I wouldn't put out so he was mad and wrote something stupid online. Anyone here can tell me whether I'm overrracting or does he really means he will do this in the future?!!! I would appreciate opinions from both men and women!! I asked him what he meant by "true story" he said he heard it from a guy before and that's why he wrote that...seriously...is that believable? I was just so disgusted by his actions, I chose him as my husband is because I thought he was caring and will only love me, find me attractive but now he's showing me the other side of him!!!! Should I leave him before he cheats on me?! Help please!!!! Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I don't know if he is cheating on you, but his behavior is juvenile and not very kind or considerate towards you, his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 How old are the two of you? You both sound immature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candiegurl Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 It may sound somewhat immature but if it was you dealing with the same situation you may feel hurt somewhat.... I do not want to wait till he actually cheats on me then I start dealing with the matter. After we got married we both moved to a different country to further his studies. I have no friends here to talk about the issues, I just thought I could get an opinion here after reading other posts and most members here are generally very helpful.... Thanks for your response anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
HanGoesSolo Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Do yourselves a favor and delete FB asap. Just get rid of it and don't look back. 1 in 3 divorces site Facebook as the cause. You have two girlfriends who are also married and on Facebook? cause one of y'all isn't going to make it and the divorce papers will site FB as a key factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I have to say I am completely disgusted with the things people are willing to say online that they probably wouldn't have the nerve or opportunity to say in real life. It has really blown me away what people will say on any given topic. I'm talking about comments on fb or instagram pictures, responses to news articles, etc. It's become almost the norm to say things to virtual strangers that you probably wouldn't say to their face if they were standing in front of you. I have a feeling what you are seeing from your husband is some of this. He's feeling like it's perfectly comfortable/normal to "like" bikini clad pictures of other women in a way that you could see it but if he walked past the same woman on the beach would he go out of his way to let her know he likes her body in front of you? I don't know him so I don't know, but is he like that around you? Does he ogle other women in front of you? I can certainly see why you'd be upset about the comments about your sex life and him hiring a sex worker. Those go above and beyond just looking at something you find to be visually attractive and clicking that you like it. It IS hurtful to see the man you love saying those kinds of things. It makes it seem like he's not happy with you when really he's probably just making ridiculous comments in a place he knows he won't get much backlash from. Had you not see it, you would have never known about it. To me it would say something about his integrity. It's not so much what he will do when you can see it, but what will he do when you won't know about it. Does this mean he'll end up cheating? That's a long shot. Writing comments online doesn't necessarily mean he will cheat. It may not mean anything at all. If I were you I'd just file it away for now. You've said what you needed to say about it to him. Maybe next time he'll be more aware of how what he says hurts you or maybe he won't. That all depends on what kind of man he is. I certainly wouldn't jump to divorce over this one incident though. Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 "At times calling an escort is actually cheaper....True story" and the second comment - he wrote "had sex only 12 times a year (which is not true!!!) I could have save up and get an escort so my sex life is 100 times better". At times calling an escort is cheaper than what? And how would be know how much an escort is? This is weird behavior. Why exactly does he need a fake instagram account and to make comments about getting/calling an escort? Shady.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 His behavior is clearly upsetting but I'm not prepared to classify it as cheating. Being a jerk, sure but it doesn't rise to the level of infidelity. Before it does go that far -- to a place from which he can't return -- address the situation. You have talked to him but has he agreed to stop? You need marriage counseling not a divorce lawyer. Try to fix your marriage, don't just throw it away at the first sign of trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Do yourselves a favor and delete FB asap. Just get rid of it and don't look back. 1 in 3 divorces site Facebook as the cause. You have two girlfriends who are also married and on Facebook? cause one of y'all isn't going to make it and the divorce papers will site FB as a key factor. This wasnt even Facebook, she said it was Instagram OP I kind of have to shake you on your porn is ok but this isn't logic. Women in porn ARE real women. And the increase in porn available is becoming a nightmare for those men who can't control their use. This is an escalation of the porn habit. From there is will go to cam girls or escorts like he has said. And FYI, men don't throw the word escort out there if they aren't familiar with them. He definitely has them in his mind for some reason. The fact that he is trolling Instagram for chicks and then talking about escorts shows what he thinks of them - women are just sex objects to him. His comments are disgusting. I would bet he's addicted to porn. Get std tested now and put a gps in your car asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HanGoesSolo Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Well to be fair there are tons of women on Instagram who want to be seen as nothing but sex objects. Escorts are sex objects. It's hard to feel for the "objectification of women" arguments when that is what they want to do to themselves. Why else does a woman post nothing but pictures of her T&A constantly on Instagram? She wants to be objectified. And so she is. Why would anyone feel bad for, or have a problem with this? These women are out there in droves. Even decent girls will slide there shirts down and skirts up and hold their cameras at funny angles just to accentuate their cleavage and butt and post those pictures online for everyone to judge them. Gee I wonder what she wants me to think of that? Maybe that she is sexy, that I want to have sex with her? It's hard to take this objectification of women stuff seriously, because a lot of women want to be objectified. A great number of them. And even ones who would have a problem with it are guilty a lot of times of doing what I just said and purposefully posting pictures to arrouse men online. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Has nothing to do with this thread at all... the point is about the husband. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 also he said I wouldn't put out so he was mad and wrote something stupid online Blaming, guilt tripping are red flags for emotional abuse, most of the abusers do cheat in the end and blame it on their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 YOU need to stop confronting him and go into detective mode. Confronting him only gives him a chance to gaslight you, minimise your concerns, lie to you and hide his activities better. Say nothing until you have concrete proof. An interesting read - How to Not Get Caught Cheating: 14 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xenawarriorprincess Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 While his behavior is definitely inappropriate and hurtful, I absolutely agree with you on that, what is your role in all of this? Clearly he feels neglected, at least sexually. Are you really not giving him the sexual love and attention that he is craving or is he just a jerk? Some people are just very selfish and disrespectful of their marriages, but people seldom change from being the adoring and loving spouse to being drastically selfish without cause. Were there signs that he was a jerk when you first got together and you just ignored the behavior because you loved him so much? Or could it be possible that he is seeking love and acceptance from someone else because you might have been ignoring his needs? Either way, it doesn’t necessarily excuse his behavior; he is responsible for his actions. But honest self -reflection could give you some insight onto why this has come about. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 This is the reason I don't stalk my H Facebook & or any social media, unless a 100% valid reason & only private messages would upset me, not him looking at someone's page. My SIS in law stalks my brother's social media & is constantly fighting with him about it (he's not cheating bc he would tell me) & we all think it's just extremely juvenile...social media was created to check out people's pages...I don't know your H but I hear jokes like that from perfectly innocent men that are just being funny. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I also recently also found out he had a fake Instagram account which he .... I have a "fake" account on here too, or rather an anonymous account, but it is still me, yes? What I write is from my heart and mind. It is not some alter ego of mine. Same with him. It may be a different name but it is still him. What he says is from his heart and thoughts. He is not following some script. . Ok so the comments are both for pictures saying "husband not getting enough sex from wife" - He wrote "At times calling an escort is actually cheaper....True story" and the second comment - he wrote "had sex only 12 times a year (which is not true!!!) I could have save up and get an escort so my sex life is 100 times better". The first comment would be taken by most people as saying that HE paid for sex with an escort. IMO it is a lame excuse saying he heard it from a friend. If I made such a comment, then I would be certain to add "heard it from a friend." And the second comment indicates that he either has or wants to get an escort for sex. WTF!!!!! So I confronted him and he said it's just a funny website and people post funny response, also he said I wouldn't put out so he was mad and wrote something stupid online. Yes, I post funny comments to but not like that. If he thinks that comments that can be hurtful to you are funny, then he needs to be woken up. Anyone here can tell me whether I'm overreacting or does he really means he will do this in the future?!!! I would appreciate opinions from both men and women!! I asked him what he meant by "true story" he said he heard it from a guy before and that's why he wrote that...seriously...is that believable? You are not overreacting. He pretty much says he has done it. He also says he should have done it. So yes, he may do it. They call that gaslighting I think where someone tries to make you believe that you are the crazy one and the one with memory problems. I was just so disgusted by his actions, I chose him as my husband is because I thought he was caring and will only love me, find me attractive but now he's showing me the other side of him!!!! Should I leave him before he cheats on me?! Help please!!!! Any thoughts? Let me ask you a question. Do you feel that he already has cheated on you? DO you feel that his comments indicate a desire or an intent to cheat on you? But no, I would not advocate leaving unless you know he has cheated. I would say that the two of you need to do some frank and honest communication with or without a MC. Being that any conversation by you will be considered overreaction, you may say to him that this hurts you and suggest MC. Link to post Share on other sites
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