Should I call off our wedding and leave him?

[LilyFlower]

My fiancé and I have known each other 8yrs but only started our relationship late last year and recently became engaged, Wedding is set for NYE this year. For the 8yrs I've known him he pursued me relentlessly but I never gave him a chance because at that time he was known as a "ladies man" constantly with different women. He let it be known in everyway that he wanted a relationship with me, he even told me he loved me around 2yrs ago, I didn't want him to hurt me so I never gave in even though I was crazy about him. Over the last 2yrs he completely changed his life around and I finally took a chance with him, I was absolutely in love him, We have a very close relationship & are never far from each other, He is very hands on with me and gets jealous with me very easily. The last week or so I feel I'm becoming less attracted to him and because he is so hands on he is starting to annoy me, I'm still like I always am towards him so I doubt he suspects anything. I also have my friend in my ear saying once a ladies man always a ladies man. I know I love him but I'm doubting if I'm in love with him. Is this normal to feel this way as it gets closer to the wedding or should I be listening to what I am feeling? Thanks.

[BettyDraper]

Maybe what you're experiencing is fear due to your fiance's past. Extreme jealousy is never a good sign either.

 

Have you spoken to your fiance about your feelings?

[NTV]

I'll be honest. You're not going to get married or call it off based on what you hear from strangers on the internet. That would be ridiculous.

 

 

I will tell you three things I hope will help you with your decision:

 

 

1. Journaling helps me the most when I need to figure some crazy s*** out.

 

 

2. The 'in love' feeling or the 'spark'... if you look into the definition of 'limerence' I think you'll find it eye-opening. Real love (in my opinion) is something you build brick by brick until it's grander than any spark could ever be. I think that it'll help you understand the emotional piece of yourself in this puzzle a little better. Then again, it could just be a refresher for what you already know.

 

 

3. Everyone has doubts about getting married. everyone. Marriage will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life, if not the hardest. It can be the most rewarding as well, but here is no guarantee. I recommend that you ask married people what marriage is like---not whether you should or not. Or your worries. Just what marriage is like for them, and listen. really, truly listen I mean. Even the ones that discuss their marriage gone wrong have things that you can learn from. It's really eye-opening if you haven't been married before.

 

 

Getting married is a HUGE decision. Would you buy a car without asking someone who owns one if they like it? At least as much research into marriage and that, you know?

 

 

Eh... sorry rambling now. Either way, I wish you good luck whatever your decision is.

[Arieswoman]

Lilyflower,

I saw this

 

We have a very close relationship & are never far from each other

 

and

 

He is very hands on with me and gets jealous with me very easily.

 

and

 

because he is so hands on he is starting to annoy me,

 

It sounds to me that he is very possessive and that doesn't bode well. It also sounds like a very "clingy" relationship and he isn't giving you much space, and it's starting to grate on you.

 

You really need to talk to him about how you feel.

 

And if you really aren't sure about things maybe put the wedding on hold until you've got to the bottom of this?

[bathtub-row]

I'm not sure what you mean by him being "hands on" but it doesn't sound very encouraging. Excessive jealousy is a very bad sign. I don't know if you can work these things out or not. You can talk to him about it but he's showing you who he is. This will only become magnified once you're married.

 

As far as his past, if he shows signs of having changed, then he probably has. The problem is, he created a track record for himself that casts doubt on his character.

 

These are all serious issues that you need to not downplay and need to feel they're resolved before you even consider going through with the wedding. Your doubts have nothing to do with wedding jitters; they're very legitimate.

[DreamP]

Players don't stay players. Most settle down quite happily. Doesn't mean your fiance can't still be a player, just means you can't assume how he will behave.

 

Jealously doesn't sound good. I would not get married until that is resolved.

 

You may be having wedding jitters or the initial honeymoon phase may be wearing off. My suggestion would be to take it slow, work on the relationship and postpone the wedding. Getting married after a year together seems pretty soon.

[BlueIris]

My fiancé and I have known each other 8yrs but only started our relationship late last year and recently became engaged, Wedding is set for NYE this year. For the 8yrs I've known him he pursued me relentlessly but I never gave him a chance because at that time he was known as a "ladies man" constantly with different women. He let it be known in everyway that he wanted a relationship with me, he even told me he loved me around 2yrs ago, I didn't want him to hurt me so I never gave in even though I was crazy about him. Over the last 2yrs he completely changed his life around and I finally took a chance with him, I was absolutely in love him, We have a very close relationship & are never far from each other, He is very hands on with me and gets jealous with me very easily. The last week or so I feel I'm becoming less attracted to him and because he is so hands on he is starting to annoy me, I'm still like I always am towards him so I doubt he suspects anything. I also have my friend in my ear saying once a ladies man always a ladies man. I know I love him but I'm doubting if I'm in love with him. Is this normal to feel this way as it gets closer to the wedding or should I be listening to what I am feeling? Thanks.

 

Put off the wedding for a year and see how you feel then. There's no rush.

[Mrin]

Let's see:

 

1. You've known him for 8 years

2. Been crazy about him for a good portion of that time

3. He changed his life around

4. You started dating late last year

5. Got engaged to be married about 7 months from now

6. And started getting annoyed by him in the last week and are now thinking of calling the whole thing off.

 

Five suggestions:

 

1. Why don't you give it say, more than a week before you decide to nix the wedding?

2. Tell him what you don't like about his behavior

3. See if he changes

4. See if you change

5. Tell your friend to STFU. If you're going to let a Grimma Wormtongue whisper in your ear constantly like this then well, maybe you should just call the whole thing off.