meanie_monday Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 My family has never been too fond of my husband and it's very hard for me because I want to have a good marriage and avoid the negativity of my family while still maintaining a good relationship with them. My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship prior to my relationship, but my marriage made it worse. I stopped talking to her for a while because she was constantly bringing me and my marriage down, but recently she reached out and I thought I'd give it a chance. She invited my husband and me to a family bbq and things went well. She just got back from a trip to Mexico and brought me two bracelets that were blessed by a priest and told me to never take them off. My husband is quite the joker and while I get his sense of humor, not everyone does. Today while I was in the shower, I took off the bracelets and my husband took a picture and sent it to my mom saying, "Look Mom, it hasn't even been a day!" My sister called me saying that my husband had texted my mom and that she was upset. I didn't know he had done this so I told him that he offended my mom with his joke. He tried to call to apologize but she didn't answer. Finally, I called her and cleared things up telling her that he was making a joke while I had been showering. My husband got upset saying that he was just going to stay away from my family because he just tends to cause problems between us. I tried to tell him that he just needed to watch his jokes because my mother and I already have a fragile relationship and we never know if it could negatively affect it, but he was adamant about it saying, "they're not my family, they're yours." It was quite the burn and told him I didn't like that comment, but I didn't press any further to avoid an argument. How do I balance this rocky relationship between my husband and my family? Is he right saying he should just stay away to keep the peace? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 How old is he, 15? As your husband, it is his duty to at least try to establish good relations with your family, out of consideration for your feelings. If that is not important to him, he's a selfish and immature person. I think you need to take a tougher stance over this. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 What Satu said - in spades... You husband was rude, inconsiderate, and juvenile. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 You husband was rude, inconsiderate, and juvenile. And meanie_monday, the person he's hanging out to dry with these pranks is you. Seems a rather direct attempt to create a problem between you and your Mom. Not cool... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Before exercising his 'sense of humour' your husband first needs to ask himself "does this have the potential to make someone upset?". I was also going suggest that he ask himself if it's funny - but I don't think that he has the capacity to understand what other people find amusing. So, best just ask himself if someone will be hurt by his 'jokes'. As far as staying away from family goes - it depends on whether or not he can grow up. If he sees no harm in what he does, then best to keep him away. But if he can genuinely reflect and realise that his 'humour' hurtful rather than funny and make concerted effort to change, then he could be with your family. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I also want to add - if your husband won't see how his behaviour hurts people and change his ways, then it's actually best if YOU keep him away from your family. Inflicting his behaviour on your family is not fair to them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Pastypop Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 You won't resolve these issues. It will continue to falter over the years until you finally have to choose between the two. It stinks! Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Show you hubby that there are consequences to his actions. Tell him, "Gee husband, until you pulled your prank, I could have worn those bracelets for a few weeks and then put them away. Now, I MUST wear them forever. 24 / 7 /365. That means I will never take them off. I will be wearing them while I am bathing. I will be wearing them while we are making love. I will be wearing them even when I am in childbirth. I will be wearing them until the day I die, and I will be wearing them in the grave. Thanks." Then, do it. After a while, he'll start to fixate on them, and hate it. Stick to your guns. You married a joker - and the only way to deal with one of those is to ram the joke so far down their throat that it pops out their bum. Good luck... and I sincerely hope you never wake up one morning with your head shaved completely bald... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 How old is he, 15? . How old is her mother.....12? Upset because she took off her magic bracelet? In my opinion, the husband cracking a joke is a nice way of reaching out, and making personal contact. Sure, the joke didn't go over well, but to me, that's because of the mother. She needs to lighten up. Sounds like the road was rocky way before hubby showed up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 How old is he, 15? As your husband, it is his duty to at least try to establish good relations with your family, out of consideration for your feelings. If that is not important to him, he's a selfish and immature person. I think you need to take a tougher stance over this. Take care. I disagree. It is his duty to support you in your choices of how to deal with them... and I'll give an example. Say you have a cousin who does drugs, and wasted their life and is an all-around screw up and you decided to remove that cousin from your life. His job is to support you on that IF you're doing it for the right reasons. If they aren't a screw up, and you were just being a dirtbag to a cousin and cut them off anyway, then he should try to help guide you back to not being a dirtbag to your cousin. In both of my examples there is no obligation for him to step in to establish a relationship with that cousin. It is your family. you've said that your relationship with her has been tenuous, and based on her reaction to some bracelets, I can see some of the reasons why: Sure, you're husbands joke (and I think it's funny), was clearly a joke. I am not sure your mom's emotional reaction truly corresponded to the joke. If you cannot rely on a parent to react in the correct manner emotionally, that would limit anyone's relationship with that parent. Now, yes, I do agree that your husband should have known better, and can totally understand his logic. The comedic value of the joke outweighed potential repercussions. And when your husband says 'they are your family', that him really saying that it is a two way street. He can try to appease them all he wants to but they also have to come to him too. It works both ways. If they had tried to get to know him better they would understand his sense of humor, I bet. You asked if he should just stay away, and I don't think so. But I also don't think he should put much effort into trying to go to them and show he's part of the family. You married him. He's part of your family now whether they like it or not. It seems like you've missed the dynamic where the power in the relationship has changed and still see your parents as holding the power in the relationship. Now you hold the power. And I think you need to have a heart to heart with them, my way or they highway style: "You will not disrespect my husband or my marriage. You can disown me all you want, I have my own family now. If you want to see me or grandkids in the future you will change." Don't avoid the conflict, don't stir the pot either. If they can't respect your husband, they can't respect your marriage, then they can't respect you either. Or... at least that's my recommendation anyways. I'm sure others will come along with better answers or different angles. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Hi OP, after reading your post and the responses of some of the folks on the forum, I think they are being a bit too harsh on your husband. To my mind he was just being playful and meant no offense to your mother. If anything, I think your mother took it too seriously and then inspire of your husband calling her to apologize, she sat on her high horse and ignored him. The fact is this is your marriage and the man is your husband. When you married him he did not agree to marry your whole family only you. He does not have to like your family just because they are yours just as much as you do not have to like his! Your priorities lie with your marriage and your relationship with your family while important does not supercrfe your relationship with your husband. You and he have your futures interlinked inextricably till 'Death do us part' and so this is where your loyalties lie. I would think your mother has to be much more open minded and accepting of your marriage. To my mind she is unnecessarily carrying a chip on her shoulder with regard to your husband. This is just my opinion and you may see it differently. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 those who don't respect older people are not worth respect; I have a 90yr old grandma who gave me a silly table with three legs as a marriage gift; if my wife made fun of her I will be more than rude; her husband is not a grown person , that's my opinion. I dont like my MIL yet, i would never ever put traps between her and her daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 How old is he, 15? As your husband, it is his duty to at least try to establish good relations with your family, out of consideration for your feelings. If that is not important to him, he's a selfish and immature person. I think you need to take a tougher stance over this. Take care. Her mother sounds like the typical controlling, overbearing mother hen that tries to control their kids lives, and goes stir crazy once all the little chickies leave the nest... empty nester to the nth degree! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Her mother sounds like the typical controlling, overbearing mother hen that tries to control their kids lives, and goes stir crazy once all the little chickies leave the nest... empty nester to the nth degree! Boom! Chicago! This!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts