Maximus2005 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 My boyfriend of 6 years comes home after injuring his back and brings up a topic from 5 months ago that bothered him.. He picks fights about things that are in the past... How is that productive?? Why does he do this ??? He causes fights every day Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 He sounds verbally abusive. Arguing every day is a total deal breaker. I would advise you to get out of this relationship. Verbal abuse will wear you down and it often turns into subtle physical abuse, and then full-blown physical abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 If he causes fights every day, why are you still with him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 (edited) Is it cheating that he's bringing up? If it is, then you need to adress it. If it's not, then he's probably trying to engineer a breakup. Has he always been the argumentative type? Some people are naturally that way 24/7 because they don't how to connect with people any other way. Edited January 11, 2016 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 You mention he hurt his back. He's probably in pain. Nobody is pleasant to be around when they are in pain. Also when you see him trying to start a fight, recognize that behavior for what it is, and don't respond. It's very simple. If you don't want to fight, don't. You have the option to respond quietly or not at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 If he causes fights every day, why are you still with him? Especially for 6 years. Were I him, might be tempted to assume that your long-term acceptance of his arguing is passive approval of his conduct... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 (edited) Some people do this due to a general state of discontent or discontent over something specific ... possibly your relationship. It's possible that whatever is bothering this guy HE is not able to express in words (just starting a fight over old stuff)... maybe he doesn't have the words, maybe he can't quite formulate what it is that is bothering him due to lack of emotional awareness. In any case, his method is not acceptable for ensuring you feel emotionally safe in the relationship. He's destroying your trust. Either see a counselor together or him in individual counseling to ferret out the reason for his behavior. It is emotionally abusive. Good luck to you ... but don't continue to live like this. The longer you do without consequences to him (like your leaving) the more he gets the green light that this method of his is acceptable. Do not engage in the argument...tell him you're going out for a while and you two can talk later. De-escalate. Edited January 11, 2016 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
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