skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) My wife has a couple of guys she's been in a relationships with as well as had sex with on Facebook. These guys like her photos constantly. Some guys who are just facebook friends leave comments telling her how pretty she is. She replies with a simple thank you usually. I feel that because she's married it's inappropriate to have friends that she's had intimacy with liking her pictures. I also think that's inappropriate for guys to leave comments and she entertains them. If random guys like her photos it's fine, it's just the likes coming from the guys she's had history with bothers me. Also, she wasn't friends with the these guys on FB for a long time. Then about a year ago or maybe sooner they became friends again. She's also been having conversations with one of them via facebook and deleting the messages. When asked she says it's nothing and that she only deleted the messages because of "how I am". She also has changed all of her passwords so that I can view anything. Any suggestions? Edited November 30, 2015 by skyy_1988 wanted to add more content Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 As the saying goes "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Deleting converstations with only certain people means she is talking about things she does not want you to know. If I were in your shoes I would investigate what is going on, using a keylogger, or if you have access to her email account often facebook messages are sent to the email, you may be able to view them in there. I would use a VAR in her car or somewhere where she will feel that she can talk privately on the phone with no one hearing her conversation. Can you get access to her phone? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 I can't unfortunately. She has changed all of her passwords. She did this because she said that she's tired of me going through her accounts. We've had trust issues before... It started with a few lies, no major lies, but lies nonetheless. So I've looked periodically. Now she's super overprotective over her phone, doesn't allow me to use it for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) 1) Do you have a home computer she uses? - put monitoring software on it. 2) If you have a home computer does she ever connect her phone to it? Sync photos, music, etc? Then a back up existing on the PC I had to set boundaries of whom my wife could be connected to on FB or other modes. There are like 2 old boyfriends from LONG time ago who are good guys and married, she has connections to them on FB. No others are allowed. I wont bore you with the reasons. Edited November 30, 2015 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I can't unfortunately. She has changed all of her passwords. She did this because she said that she's tired of me going through her accounts. We've had trust issues before... It started with a few lies, no major lies, but lies nonetheless. So I've looked periodically. Now she's super overprotective over her phone, doesn't allow me to use it for anything. Being protective of the phone, deleting chats and changing passwords are a pretty clear indication... and these guys were recently added. She's blatant about it all with a screw you attitude. Might as well start contacting lawyers. Sorry to hear this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 1) Do you have a home computer she uses? - put monitoring software on it. 2) If you have a home computer does she ever connect her phone to it? Sync photos, music, etc? Then a back up existing on the PC I had to set boundaries of whom my wife could be connected to on FB or other modes. There are like 2 old boyfriends from LONG time ago who are good guys and married, she has connections to them on FB. No others are allowed. I wont bore you with the reasons. She only has a work computer, given to her by her company, and she doesn't sync her phone to it, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Being protective of the phone, deleting chats and changing passwords are a pretty clear indication... and these guys were recently added. She's blatant about it all with a screw you attitude. Might as well start contacting lawyers. Sorry to hear this. I agree. She basically just chalks it up to not wanting to feel as though she's under my watchful eye. Which I understand completely, but at the same time, wether I'm looking or not; no marriage should have secrets. Everything needs to be laid out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I can't unfortunately. She has changed all of her passwords. She did this because she said that she's tired of me going through her accounts. We've had trust issues before... It started with a few lies, no major lies, but lies nonetheless. So I've looked periodically. Now she's super overprotective over her phone, doesn't allow me to use it for anything. Does she have a lock on her cell phone? Does she take it everywhere with her? Also don't confront her anymore, it is hard but you need to act as if everything is normal and that you are not suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 She does have a lock on it. She changed it to a 6 digit password in order to make it more secure. She doesn't always take it everywhere, but it stays with her more often than not. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 She does have a lock on it. She changed it to a 6 digit password in order to make it more secure. She doesn't always take it everywhere, but it stays with her more often than not. My H put a lock on his phone, I got the password by watching out of the corner of my eye when he would unlock it. It didn't take that long to get the password. Just don't let her see you watching her put the password in. Have there been issues of infidelity by either one of you in the past? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 She does it any way where I can't catch it. And no. We separated for a couple of months, told her I didn't want to continue being with her because of our issues. During those couple of months, unbeknownst to her, I started seeing someone else. I only did so because I had no intentions of returning,I was finally starting to feel that I could be without her. She came to me one night and said that she wanted to work it out and get back together because she loved me. After that point I decided to give it one more shot. A couple of days afterwards she asked me if slept with anyone else while we were separated and I told the truth. She then called me a cheater, and now she just classifies that as me being unfaithful. Before that we had the same issues with her deleting stuff though amongst a couple other issues, but not to the extent of her changing all of her login info. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Also don't confront her anymore, it is hard but you need to act as if everything is normal and that you are not suspicious. This is very important ^^^^^ Do not bring it up in any way again. You need to appear blissfully ignorant and perfectly content. If you let on you are suspicious she will cover her tracks better and go deeper under ground. You want her to get smug and sloppy. You want her to get overconfident and make a mistake. Go into spy mode and go deep underground yourself. VAR s in her car and anywhere she may have a private convo. Obtain the phone bill and find what numbers she is calling and texting. Put a negligent program on her computer to get her passwords and find out what she is actually saying. I think you have enough grounds her to get a PI and really find out what's going on. It's very important for you to be on the down low though so she doesn't bury the evidence any deeper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 WAIT, you've only been married a year but were separated for "a couple" months? That's a hell of a relationship red flag right there on top of the gazillion other red flags. Why the hell are you with this woman? My opinion? She's a complete liar and if not cheating already, will. People who have nothing to hide, hide NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 WAIT, you've only been married a year but were separated for "a couple" months? That's a hell of a relationship red flag right there on top of the gazillion other red flags. Why the hell are you with this woman? My opinion? She's a complete liar and if not cheating already, will. People who have nothing to hide, hide NOTHING. We were together for about 4 years prior to getting married. Had a little boy around year and a half mark and got married a month before our second. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I agree. She basically just chalks it up to not wanting to feel as though she's under my watchful eye. Which I understand completely. Well, no you shouldn't understand. Trust is composed of equal parts history, honesty and transparency. Your spouse is 0 for 3. As others have said, be low key but investigate fully. Hope I'm wrong but I'd guess you'll find at least some conversations that will cause you some concern... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyy_1988 Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Definitely. Well said Mr.Lucky. Thank you for input man. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Hi Sky, just read both your threads. I had a question for you. In the period before you got married what was your relationship like? Was there any indications of the problems that you are now facing? If there were then why did you two decide to get married? More importantly, why did you decide to bring an innocent soul into this unholy mix? It seems to me that both you and your wife are too immature for marriage and maybe you should just call it off. Both of you need to het to marriahe counselling ASAP! Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Skyy, Seems like you thought you would get different advice in a different thread. Stop floundering. IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE for a married woman to be doing this. You know exactly what she is doing and the facts are not going to change. This is NOT a social networking issue. This is YOUR wife fishing for attention from other men online, and then lying constantly to you. the blaming you for invading her privacy is from the Cheaters 101 course of action. Again, you are playing "russian roulette' here, and if you do not act you are going to get walloped in the head like you can't imagine. Eventually, if this continues, she will become enchanted enough to meet up with one of these guys if that has not already happened. Edited December 1, 2015 by Friskyone4u Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 My wife has a couple of guys she's been in a relationships with as well as had sex with on Facebook. These guys like her photos constantly. Some guys who are just facebook friends leave comments telling her how pretty she is. She replies with a simple thank you usually. I feel that because she's married it's inappropriate to have friends that she's had intimacy with liking her pictures. I also think that's inappropriate for guys to leave comments and she entertains them. If random guys like her photos it's fine, it's just the likes coming from the guys she's had history with bothers me. Also, she wasn't friends with the these guys on FB for a long time. Then about a year ago or maybe sooner they became friends again. She's also been having conversations with one of them via facebook and deleting the messages. When asked she says it's nothing and that she only deleted the messages because of "how I am". She also has changed all of her passwords so that I can view anything. Any suggestions? I am curious. Was she like this before you married her? Link to post Share on other sites
bubby7 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I have been married for a few years and I can understand your concerns and frustrations. Social Media is so new that sometimes people don’t always realize the impact of their interactions on Facebook and how it can affect face to face relationships. When I have a concern with my wife’s actions I try to look at the big picture; like why she is doing what she is doing especially if she knows that I’m not comfortable with her actions. Have you thought about why your wife might be reaching out to others for attention or companionship? Is there some need or expectation that she is trying to fill in some way? Do the two of you need help re-establishing trust in your relationship? Marriage sometimes can be challenging but I can tell you from my personal experience that it’s worth every effort to try to make it work! Link to post Share on other sites
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