Living apart together (LAT)?

[ohso]

What is that really? It's not for everybody, just like marriage isn't. I see many advantages of it but I'm more concerned about how unhealthy is it for a young couple.

 

You don't get to see each other every day. Is that suppose to make a heart grow fonder or grow a distance between the couple over time? Can a couple be intimate and close as the ones who are married and living together? What about the relationship progression, where is it going if it resembles friends with benefits situation or just fun dating for a decade or more for instance? Isn't it just a step away from an open relationship or at least it gives a wast space for cheating because likely you get lonely and feel you're in a long distance relationship?

 

Is there a young woman here who never lived with a partner and is pro LAT? If so, do you ever want to have kids and stay in that situation? Is that possible? What rights do you have if you're not married and not living together?

Do you consider this relationships serious? Or what's the first though that goes through your mind when you hear about this?

 

I noticed more and more people in their 20' and 30' are living like this. How can you tell when somebody is just dragging someone along, or is it something somebody truly believes in. How can you really gain feelings of safety and trust in LAT?

 

I understand if somebody is in their 40' or 50', has grown up kids and is divorced, so he or she doesn't want to go through that again and LAT seems very reasonable even perfect. Until you are over 60 and then do you grow old and die apart too? Why do young people get this idea? Is there a deep fear of commitment behind this? Or is this a new age trend?

[casey.lives]

Living apart and together is what people do when they date. when you commit(Marry), you live together, in my opinion. People today are so confusing, it's hard to find someone who isn't trendy but more conventional.

[BikerAccnt]

I'm not really sure why you would do this as a young couple. To me the normal progression would be dating, then marriage. Or if you prefer, dating, living together, then marriage. I am old fashioned in that I still believe in marriage.

 

 

Once you reach middle age, or slightly beyond it, it makes more sense. My GF and I are in, I guess what you'd call, a LAT relationship. We are both in our 50's, divorced, own our own houses, and each have a ton of "stuff".

 

 

She still has a daughter living with her, while I have no children. We've been together about 1.75 years now. For now, it works. Long term? I'd certainly like to get a place together at some point, and grow old with her if things work out. She's mentioned seeing what happens after her daughter finishes College. But for now it is a perfect situation for both of us.

[ShatteredLady]

I've seen it with couples I know. I don't know if it's just the few I have experience of or not but it seems to follow the pattern.... Don't want to give-up homes, independence etc. Date exclusively for 5-10 years. Decide to live together. Break-up after 6-12 months. Meet new people. Date passionately, live together within months. Engaged. Married. Kids....after 1-2 years.

 

The only exception I know are friends of my parents. Divorced & widowed. Dated but kept their own homes for nearly 10 years. Sold homes & bought together. Still happy 6 years later. They were waiting until their kids (from earlier marriages) were married & settled.

 

I met my H days after my 21st birthday. Pretty much lived together within days/weeks. Married 6 years later, just felt the right time for both of us. Been together for 25 years. A bit longer than most of our friends but most of us followed a similar pattern. Only 1 couple divorced so far.

 

All I know is most of our parents thought it was "The new strange world" that we all lived together "In sin" for years before engagement or marriage but it seemed to work for most of our friends, siblings, cousins etc.