Newly Married and Issues

[JaxLa]

So, I am 28 and my wife is 28. We have been together for 6 years, married for almost 2. We met in grad school and quickly started dating and fell hard for one another. We are coming up on our second anniversary and this past month has been a bad one for both of us.

 

In the past, we worked through issues, mostly my trust and jealousy issues. We both have a stubborn nature, and made biting/cutting remarks during fighting. However, we worked together to learn how to better communicate.

 

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. I was looking through her old computer to find my resume (looking to upgrade) and i found a piece of writing that slammed me and put me in the most unflattering terms. Honestly, at our worst i never thought she would feel this way about me. I confronted her about it (stupidly) and she insisted it was nothing and it (if anything) was just a journal entry from when we split up while dating (about 4-5 weeks). She stated that she says and writes things she doesn't mean when she is angry (we all do to some extent).

 

Then last weekend, she decided to go out with a group of male friends, and i declined because we had a sick puppy. So as the night goes on and i am cleaning up dog vomit, i do not hear a thing. Eventually, she comes in at 3 in the morning, and i was mad that she didn't at least text to let me know when she was coming home. (Her job is social media, so she always has her cell phone around) She jumped all over me and stated that i was just angry that she was hanging out with her friends and threw it in my face that i stayed home instead of going out.

 

Then last night or this morning, I was helping out a friend and told her i would be home by 10. Well, it started raining and we got delayed until 11 (on site). When i got back to my vehicle and checked my phone, i expected her to be freaking out as to why i wasn't home yet. However, i had a missed call. I called her and she stated that she was "downtown" with her best guy friend and his girlfriend and that she would leave immediately to come home. Well, i come home (45 min drive) and she isn't there. I text her to see if she had left yet and then we engage in passive aggressive texts. She finally shows up at 1:00 at the house, having to work at 8:00 in the morning. She once again accuses me of not wanting her to hang out with her friends and then she stated that "I must not want her to be happy". I was floored and tried to explain that i was upset because she didn't tell me where she was or when she would be home (like last weekend).

 

The real kicker is that we never talk about each other's issues to our friends. We have always been a private couple and like to keep our secrets as such. However, her details of the night made me suspicious, so, I asked her if she talked to anyone about us. She said no, over and over. I detected that she was lying, so i told her as such. I left the room and heard her phone drop, so i go back in and ask to see her phone. She had deleted something. I told her i know she had deleted texts and she eventually confessed that he said that I was unfair and that if she needed a place to stay that she could stay with him. I am sure there is nothing sexual between the two, but i wonder what things she said to him to think that she needed a place to stay away from me.

 

Now, personally, i could have handled things betters, especially with my tone of voice, choosing when to approach her, etc., but i am deeply saddened. My wife insists we are "fine" and that she cares and loves me but this month has been hell on me emotionally. The best part is tonight we are supposed to go to an event with this guy and his girl. Part of me wants to act fine and normal, and a part of me wants to pull the guy aside and tell him to stay the F*** out of my marriage, and a part of me wants to tell them that i will not be attending (probably further alienating me and my wife).

[Appreciate]

A lot of red flags here. Not necessarily cheating, but there are problems with your marriage.

 

Your wife needs to address issues with you directly, not in a journal like some teenager. Or texting men about your issues. She betraying you in this way.

 

Do the guy and the girlfriend live together? Were they BOTH there at the bar the other nights? Maybe you can get some info out of her at the party. It may be in your best interest to go, and observe your wife's behavior with this crowd.

 

Can you sit your wife down and talk to her like an adult? Tell her you don't like how things are going and you want to know what's missing for her that she needs to go out. Her top priority should be you.

 

Can you check her phone records online and see how many texts she has been sending and to whom?

[SummerDreams]

Only reading about your type of relationship with all the jealousy and the suspicion etc makes me depressed. This is not a healthy relationship. The sooner you realize that a relationship is an alliance and not a war, the sooner you will be able to understand your issues, make them perfectly known to the other party and solve them together.