Am I being unreasonable?

[lora22]

I don't know if this is a marriage issue or a different issue, so I'll just trust the mods to move this thread if it's not in the right place. I do know that this issue is causing an issue between my H and me.

 

Because I hate my MIL so much it is hard for me to tell if I am being completely unreasonable. I honestly cannot tell if I am just being stubborn.

 

We have a very small job at a rental property that need to hire a contractor for - someone who is licensed and insured. I am in charge of handling this project.

 

H's mother, as usual, butt in. Supposedly her neighbor just had something similar done, so she went over and got this guy's phone number from the neighbor, called him and told him that we had a job for him. She brought him up several times, and H told her that I am handling it. Eventually he told her that I was not going to call this guy because I want someone licensed and insured, not some guy from the Home Depot parking lot.

 

So, she called him up and guilt-tripped him - she said that this guy called her and wanted to know why we haven't called him, and she feels so awkward because because she called him and now we aren't calling him, and blah blah blah. She also said that he is a "real company" with a license and insurance. Keep in mind that no one ever asked her to do anything. So H starts giving me a hard time about it because I didn't call this guy, saying that I shouldn't not call him just to spite his mother.

 

I'm really pissed at H because I forwarded him an estimate (the only one I have been able to get because everyone else tells me that the job is too small, or else they don't call me back), and his only response was "Did you call my mom's person; we should really get a second estimate."

 

Where I am coming from:

• 
  - While I don't disagree that we should get a second estimate, I'm still annoyed because he only said that because he wants to use his mother's person. He NEVER gets a second estimate no matter how often I tell him we should.
  - He doesn't care who does the job, he just wants to please his mother.
  - He is constantly struggling with setting boundaries with her. One way of setting and enforcing a boundary is to NOT give in to her and her insistence that we do something her way. Therefore he should have told her I am handling it, and let that be the end of it.
  - We have often used people suggested by his parents for jobs, and they ALWAYS suck. They are always random people and not legit companies, no license, no insurance, and they do crummy work. They usually end up costing us more money because we need to get a real person in to fix what they broke or messed up. I'm sure that he has forgotten about it by now, but we agreed in the past to never again use a referral from his parents.
  

 

For the record, I did call his mother's person with the intention of asking him for his license and insurance information and settling it right then and there, but he never returned a message I left at one number, and the other number does not have a voicemail set up.

 

Whew, sorry this is so long. Just so angry right now.

[Astrolink]

So where does your real anger lie? Is it really at your MIL or your husband for not standing up to her?

[lora22]

H wants me to try calling this other guy again. I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to call him.

[d0nnivain]

Your mother-in-law is a butt-insky. Accept that because she won't change. Also try to realize she probably was actually just trying to help.

 

Learn to lie to her. I know that sounds awful.

 

In this case, you can tell her the truth. You called her guy. He didn't get back to you.

 

In the future, you call her guy then tell her somebody else made you a better bid / offer.

 

Also ask DH not to tell her too much about what is going on.