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Should I be worried? Am I over analyzing?


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Old 25th July 2014, 5:18 PM   #1
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Unhappy Should I be worried? Am I over analyzing?

Ok, so about a month ago my husband and I went bowling with his friend and his friend's wife.. We were all drunk by the end of it and I can remember bits of the night and hearing the friend's wife tell my husband to stop grabbing her ass/breasts. She was laughing when she said it. He did it once or twice to me too.. So am I just over analyzing everything? Or should I be worried? Because now that friend's wife is constantly asking us to go camping with them (we did before but she didn't really press us to go before as much). I also had a talk with him the following day and he said he couldn't remember then as he thought about it, he said he remembered it vaguely and told me that he felt bad. I talked with a girlfriend of mine and she suggested that I address it to the friend's wife (through text, she said she could vaguely remember that happening and didn't have a problem with it. They are good friends and my husband says he isn't attracted to her. Do I just need to let it go? I got over it before but now it's creeping up on me again and I just need other's perspective on this situation. Am I the only one that feels that it's not what a husband would do with his wife around (drunk or not)? Thanks in advance!
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Old 25th July 2014, 6:42 PM   #2
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You missed your opportunity to be mad. You can't leave a pile of poo in the corner for a week then grab the dog and rub his nose in it--you have to do it when it happens.

My guess is that when he did that you probably were a little encouraging of it. So being retroactively mad at your husband is off the table.

Going forward, you either have to limit contact with them, or give you husband the green light to sleep with her. Because if he's got 2 brain cells he will definitely try and recreate the situation with some alcohol and see if he can start you guys swinging.
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Old 25th July 2014, 7:09 PM   #3
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You can be friends with them and go bowling, camping etc, you just need to establish some boundaries and limits on things like drinking and flirting and what is appropriate topics of discussion and physical contact etc.
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Old 25th July 2014, 7:19 PM   #4
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It isn't her you need to be worried about but your husband. He was the one who completely disrespected you. What are you going to do about it?
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Old 25th July 2014, 11:06 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Maude2014 View Post
We were all drunk by the end of it and I can remember bits of the night and hearing the friend's wife tell my husband to stop grabbing her ass/breasts.
Forget him, why does a night out for you involve drinking to the point where you can't remember what happened ???

Mr. Lucky
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Old 25th July 2014, 11:24 PM   #6
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Whatyouwanttohear- no, I don't believe I was encouraging when it happened. I was drunk and still processing the situation (I was shocked) after I heard it and didn't even know what to do except be mad (and not making a scene). But you're right, too late to be mad now/again. I did address it the next day after it happened and he knows I was upset.

Mr. Lucky- we don't normally do that. I mean, when you go out with friends you have fun and don't expect something like that to happen (especially with your own husband)!
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Old 25th July 2014, 11:46 PM   #7
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hey all,
dont be judgmental.
he is married not dead. every healthy person may find another atractive. then a little harmless flirting goes, every one go home to his/her spouse, end.
It is actually healthy that he express his fling around his wife.
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Old 26th July 2014, 9:50 AM   #8
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No free pass! I would be horrified if my husband acted this way, and I wouldn't trust him as much.

I think the other wife was correct in calling attention to the fact that your husband was grabbing her. Why didn't her husband get mad at your husband?

In any case, I wouldn't go out with this couple any more. That's because of your husbands actions, not because of you. I wouldn't put up with this crap and worry, so no more outings.

Really, he's ruined it already. Maybe you can have a conversation with your husbands friend and ask him how he feels about it. Or simply grab his crotch and butt next time you are all out. Just kidding!
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Old 26th July 2014, 10:49 AM   #9
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I wouldn't be thrilled but I wouldn't end the friendship over one drunken night. I would tone down the drinking so that you can intervene before something like that happens again.


During the last "big" party with some friends, one of my very drunken BFFs (who has a Problem) kept flashing everyone her boobs. My poor husband kept trying to pull her shirt down because there were other people besides our group where they could see her.
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Old 26th July 2014, 1:28 PM   #10
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Blueskyday- I don't know why his friend didn't get mad! They've been friends since high school. They are a laid back couple I guess? After I addressed it, the friend and his wife made it seem like it wasn't a big deal so I was left feeling like I was over reacting to think it was wrong and shouldn't feel the way I do so I'm glad that others agree with me that it was wrong of him (even under the influence of alcohol).

D0nnivain- thanks for your input!
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Old 28th July 2014, 4:53 PM   #11
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I agree like others said its too late to do anything about it now, but for any future activites with the same group of friends, or any friends for that matter make it clear NO ALCOHOL period. tell him to wait till he gets home to drink.


It might suck the fun out of stuff but if he cant control the alcohol and is letting the alcohol control him, he has no business drinking if he will make you feel uncomfortable.
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Old 28th July 2014, 8:48 PM   #12
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Alcohol brings out innate desires

He finds her attractive. He groped her. You didn't get mad. At least he did it in front of you.

It's okay. Just establish boundaries and make sure this doesn't happen in the future. Watch the alcohol intake, and have a blast!
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Old 29th July 2014, 1:47 AM   #13
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Ajheart-ok so should I believe him when he tells me he isn't attracted to her? It just bothers me because when he talks about her, he criticizes her all of the time and says that his friend is whipped, etc. basically acting like she disgusts him. However, I've heard that when you're drunk you do things you don't have the nerve to do sober. I have also heard that sometimes people can get so drunk they can't remember what they're doing.. So what do you believe? Just curious..

I plan on bringing up the no alcohol or limit alcohol if we should hang out with them again. Thanks!
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Old 29th July 2014, 12:01 PM   #14
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Ajheart-ok so should I believe him when he tells me he isn't attracted to her?
No! He is definitely attracted to her. Sometimes people are overly critical of people they have a crush on. The alcohol brought his crush to the surface.
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